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Well, there is this man that I fell in love with. I’ve known him for one-and-a-half years. His flirting was always obvious but somehow I was got the feeling he didn’t want a relationship with me.
Three months ago I took a risk and texted him that I wanted to come to his place. (I am 27 years old and still a virgin. So it was a big risk for my standards..:) ) When the big day arrived I went to his home and not surprisingly he told me that he didn’t want a relationship. Long story short, we had sex. Well actually we couldn’t because it was so painful that tears came out from my eyes. I couldn’t help it. When he saw me crying he stopped and said that my first time shouldn’t be like this.
Then all of a sudden he told me that he was so happy that I was with him and he wouldn’t want anything else right now. As you can imagine I was just shocked. (I was really drunk at that moment; I really don”t remember what I felt.) Then he told me that he loved me too much. I also told him that I loved him. But I didn’t open up about wanting a relationship during the night.
The rest of the night was so romantic. He was hugging me, kissing my hands; but we didn’t have sex that night. He was hugging me while we were sleeping. I remember that I was feeling so mixed up in the morning. I knew that I couldn’t keep seeing him like this without a relationship because you know this could kill me. By the way that morning I figured out that my period had just started—it wasn’t expected—and the cramps were so awful. So I decided to dress up while he was sleeping and give him a goodbye kiss.
He pulled me into the bed. I told him that I didn’t feel well because of the cramps. He started to kiss me and wanted to have sex with me again. It was so painful and the cramps were making it even worse. So I told him to stop. He stopped but he was so angry this time. I wanted him to calm down so I could talk with him. He said, “What is there to talk about?” He also said that it would be better for me to go since I was already going.
I told him it shouldn’t end like this. He said that it doesn’t mean that this is the end. But my heart was so broken that I told him I didn’t want to see him again because I hoped there could be something between me and him. He again told me that he didn’t want a relationship. I told him I understood. He said he already told me this yesterday and he added he didn’t do anything bad to me. I agreed with him that he didn’t do anything bad. (I was the one who came to his place and wanted to have sex with him.) In the end I kissed him on the cheeks and said goodbye. I also told him not to call me. (I don’t know why I said this; I think I was just so sad at that moment.)
It has been three months now before all this happened. I still love him and miss him. I know that I can’t do anything about this but do you think is it worth still waiting for him. (Thanks and sorry for the language mistakes.) And by the way he is 11 years older then me. He is an American and I am from Turkey. I thought it might be important to specify..:)
Thanks for your question. We admire that you took a risk and went for it. And although it didn’t work out the way you hoped, we still think it’s good to go for what you want in life.
Guys usually say what they mean, and mean what they say. He told you upfront that he didn’t want a relationship and that hasn’t changed. Yes, he wanted to have sex with you, but he was pretty clear that he didn’t want anything else. Also, take a look at his reaction the second time you tried to have sex. It wasn’t very positive or supportive, which would indicate that sex was his primary goal.
We know you’re second-guessing yourself, and wishing you didn’t say some of the things you said, but honestly, we don’t think it would have changed anything. The two of you have different goals in mind. We don’t think he’s the guy for you even if you have strong feelings for him. We can’t say why he feels the way he feels, but once again, he was very clear with you throughout. You might say, “Well, then why was he hugging me, kissing me, and telling me he loved me?” Our reply: That’s all part of the “dance.” Remember, you hadn’t had sex yet, so he was still feeling very passionate, and very horny.
Our suggestion: Move on. This guy is not looking to be in a relationship with you. We’re truly sorry.
Do you have any other questions? Thoughts? (Leave them in the comments below)
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