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Dating and Deployment: Should I start a relationship?

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Dear Guys,

So for the past few months I have been talking to this guy I met about 4 years ago. I had really liked him at that time but we were in high school and lived in two different states. But I recently found out he now lives near me. But he is in the army now and is about to be deployed again. I really like him and we  plan on going to dinner when I get home soon-I’m in college on the other side of the state. But since he is leaving he doesn’t want to hurt me.

I am just wondering if when I go see him should I try and see what he wants or should I just not even try and see if there is a future for us? I really like him and he really likes me, but since he is being deployed again that just creates another issue.

What should I do? Thanks for your help.

Dominique

Dear Dominique,

Thanks for writing to us.

We can see your dilemma. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but when someone is deployed in another country it’s a whole other matter.

However, these types of relationships can work, but both people need to be fully committed to the other person, and to the relationship. This requires a huge amount of faith, trust, and communication. Since you won’t be able to see each other unless he comes home on leave, the two of you will have to rely on other means of connecting. And even though we’ve railed on texting as a poor substitute for talking, in your case you’re going to have to use any means you can to keep connected emotionally.

Try texts, emails, phone calls, hand written letters, presents, etc.

So yes Dominique, you should do what your heart tells you to do, and hopefully his heart is telling him the same thing. Both of you need to be on the same page here or it won’t work.

No one would choose this situation, but if you care enough about each other you can make it work. So why not go for it?

Visit “E” a friend of THE GUYS to get the inside scoop on dating and deployment:

Adventuresofstartingover.blogspot.com

Good luck.

THE GUYS

ps. If you do decide to go for it, try and find a support group of other girlfriends, and/or wives that are in the same boat as you. That might help, and we know they’re out there.

You could even start one of your own in your town, or online as a blog.

4 Comments on Dating and Deployment: Should I start a relationship?

  1. This is a tricky question. Deployments are not easy by any means. But if you really are committed to each other you can make it work. My fiancée and I just finished up an 8 month deployment this past October. He is a Marine and where they were stationed he didn’t have a phone he could use regularly or internet. At best I would hear from once a week for about 20 minutes. Every couple of months they would get a “mobile unit” truck that would bring in phones and computers for a day.

    I tell you this because if you decide to go for it you need to know what to possibly expect. Now him being in the Army it could be different. Really just depends on where he is deploying to.

    Just don’t be one of those girls that dumps him mid-deployment or cheats on him. If you are unsure just be friends and still talk, etc. Just don’t take it to the next level till he returns.

    If you need help or have any questions feel free to contact me 🙂

  2. Asma Jan // May 29, 2016 at 1:07 am //

    Hey y’all!

    I recently met this guy a couple months ago, but he’s getting deployed. I already even met him family but I’m trying not to overthink that part. As it’s getting closer to his deployment date though, he’s just been really distant. I don’t know how all that goes, if all guys are like that, or girls for that matter, when getting deployed. However, we are planning to keep in contact through letters. I like him and would like to see how things work out, he had said he likes me after our first date. But now with not even hearing as much from him, I’m just not sure if he’s simply not interested anymore, is this just normal pre-deployment thing? We used to talk every day and all the time.

    Thank you!
    I really appreciate y’all taking the time to read and answer my question!

  3. @Asma…..We’ll be answering questions via comments this Wednesday. Or you can select the Ask a Private option for a fee and we’ll answer immediately via email. You choice. Keep checking back with us.

  4. @Asma…..Sure, a guy might try to detach himself from a relationship as part of being deployed for a variety of reasons that are probably obvious. That said, he probably wouldn’t do that if things were serious. So how serious are the two of you? How often have you seen him? You met his family, so that seems like a somewhat serious step. Have the two of you been physical? Fill us in and we’ll get back to you with more feedback.

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