Dating and Deployment: Should I start a relationship?

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Consider a donation to The Guys. We put a lot of time into giving thoughtful and informative answers to your questions.

Thanks so much.

Also, check out our latest podcast. The Guy’s Perspective Podcast.

Subscribe and listen on itunes. Give us a five star rating on itunes and be eligible to win two thumb drives with all of our podcast episodes already loaded on.

This Week’s Questions:

Is he stubborn or just not that into me?

The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

Sex after child

Is he playing me?

Last week’s questions:

Men and their Guy Trips

Did he ever care at all?

Four years and counting: What’s he thinking?

Questions to come:

Break up confusion?


Confused single mom

Am I  being played?

Vegas Trip?

Dear Guys,

So for the past few months I have been talking to this guy I met about 4 years ago. I had really liked him at that time but we were in high school and lived in two different states. But I recently found out he now lives near me. But he is in the army now and is about to be deployed again. I really like him and we  plan on going to dinner when I get home soon-I’m in college on the other side of the state. But since he is leaving he doesn’t want to hurt me.

I am just wondering if when I go see him should I try and see what he wants or should I just not even try and see if there is a future for us? I really like him and he really likes me, but since he is being deployed again that just creates another issue.

What should I do? Thanks for your help.


Dear Dominique,

Thanks for writing to us.

We can see your dilemma. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but when someone is deployed in another country it’s a whole other matter.

However, these types of relationships can work, but both people need to be fully committed to the other person, and to the relationship. This requires a huge amount of faith, trust, and communication. Since you won’t be able to see each other unless he comes home on leave, the two of you will have to rely on other means of connecting. And even though we’ve railed on texting as a poor substitute for talking, in your case you’re going to have to use any means you can to keep connected emotionally.

Try texts, emails, phone calls, hand written letters, presents, etc.

So yes Dominique, you should do what your heart tells you to do, and hopefully his heart is telling him the same thing. Both of you need to be on the same page here or it won’t work.

No one would choose this situation, but if you care enough about each other you can make it work. So why not go for it?

Visit “E” a friend of THE GUYS to get the inside scoop on dating and deployment:

Good luck.


ps. If you do decide to go for it, try and find a support group of other girlfriends, and/or wives that are in the same boat as you. That might help, and we know they’re out there.

You could even start one of your own in your town, or online as a blog.

6 Comments on Dating and Deployment: Should I start a relationship?

  1. This is a tricky question. Deployments are not easy by any means. But if you really are committed to each other you can make it work. My fiancée and I just finished up an 8 month deployment this past October. He is a Marine and where they were stationed he didn’t have a phone he could use regularly or internet. At best I would hear from once a week for about 20 minutes. Every couple of months they would get a “mobile unit” truck that would bring in phones and computers for a day.

    I tell you this because if you decide to go for it you need to know what to possibly expect. Now him being in the Army it could be different. Really just depends on where he is deploying to.

    Just don’t be one of those girls that dumps him mid-deployment or cheats on him. If you are unsure just be friends and still talk, etc. Just don’t take it to the next level till he returns.

    If you need help or have any questions feel free to contact me 🙂

  2. Asma Jan // May 29, 2016 at 1:07 am //

    Hey y’all!

    I recently met this guy a couple months ago, but he’s getting deployed. I already even met him family but I’m trying not to overthink that part. As it’s getting closer to his deployment date though, he’s just been really distant. I don’t know how all that goes, if all guys are like that, or girls for that matter, when getting deployed. However, we are planning to keep in contact through letters. I like him and would like to see how things work out, he had said he likes me after our first date. But now with not even hearing as much from him, I’m just not sure if he’s simply not interested anymore, is this just normal pre-deployment thing? We used to talk every day and all the time.

    Thank you!
    I really appreciate y’all taking the time to read and answer my question!

  3. @Asma…..We’ll be answering questions via comments this Wednesday. Or you can select the Ask a Private option for a fee and we’ll answer immediately via email. You choice. Keep checking back with us.

  4. @Asma…..Sure, a guy might try to detach himself from a relationship as part of being deployed for a variety of reasons that are probably obvious. That said, he probably wouldn’t do that if things were serious. So how serious are the two of you? How often have you seen him? You met his family, so that seems like a somewhat serious step. Have the two of you been physical? Fill us in and we’ll get back to you with more feedback.

  5. Taylor Eade // November 19, 2018 at 10:40 pm //

    I met a guy two months before his deployment. Sounds just like the comment Asma posted. Everything was going so well. We hit it off from the start. We go to church together we volunteer together we’ve talked about a future, he’s met my parents I’m about to meet his. It’s a beautiful thing. Except…..He won’t commit before he leaves. No title . He hasn’t been in a relationship in a long time but knows what he wants and claims that it’s us. Anyways, he has certainly pulled back and we’ve discussed how he’s pulled back a bit.

    It just really messes with my emotions because I really am into him. He I is worried because we haven’t had enough time there’s not enough of a foundation for a relationship. He wants to go all in hopefully when he gets back after six months. I’m glad he’s honest with me. He said he’s worried about temptations with other women on his deployment. He said if we were dating for six months or something like that he wouldn’t have a problem comiting and would be faithful. I’m so back and forth with this but part of me wants to stop talking to him before he leaves next week because it’s just hard to act a certain way when I just want to be myself and love on him


  6. @Taylor…..We understand. Tell us what your concerns are. Like, what are you worried about? (Him seeing other women? Him, changing his mind while he’s deployed? Or the fact that he won’t commit to you now even though you would commit to him if he asked you to?)

1 Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Jealousy: Friends of the opposite sex | The Guy's Perspective

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

Maximum comment length is 1500 characters.