Dating the mother of two wonderful kids; how do I get to the next level? (Relationship and Dating Advice)

Hey Guys!

I’m 19 years old and falling fast for an old friend who is 22 and just so happens to be a mother of two wonderful kids. The kids and I get along great so that’s not a problem. I know her past relationship troubles and she knows mine. We’re really close. I’m even the godfather to both of her sons. (5 and 4) I’m just wondering if I should take this any further. I honestly do love her and her boys. We’ve already kissed quite a few times which has been years overdue. I’d like to take our relationship to the next level, not necessarily right away but eventually. I just can’t stand not having her in my arms much longer. Do you have any advice on how I should approach this delicate situation?

Much appreciated,

Chad

Dear Chad,

Thanks for your question. You sound very mature for a 19 year-old guy. (Don’t take that wrong. That’s a big time compliment.) She, or any other woman looking for a long-term commitment, would be lucky to have you.

So what’s holding you back Chad? Is it that you’re not sure where she stands, or how she feels about you? Or is it something else? And where is her ex in this picture?

Understand that a single mother out in the dating world—besides wanting what every person wants: love and excitement— is looking to find a guy who is a good influence on her kids, and who possibly loves them, or at least cares for them. You’ve got that going in spades Chad, so that’s a great start. And it sounds like there’s some chemistry as well.

But in order to give you some answers/strategies we nee more info.

Questions:

How long has she been divorced?

Is she hung up on her ex?

Have the two of you talked about your relationship at all?

Have you expressed your feelings towards her?

Do you want a family of your own?

Do you want your own kids?

Does she want more kids?

Obviously she knows you must be into her. But it’s possible she’s not sure if you really want to take on the entire package. (Raising someone else’s kids is a lot to take on.) And if you’re sensing hesitation on her part, it could be because she’s also unsure of how serious you are about her. You may be mature, and you may love her kids, but there’s still a lot to consider here Chad, and she knows that. Just be careful not to give up all of your dreams and aspirations to be with her. This needs to be a two-way street. Yes, her first responsibility is her kids, but she still needs to have enough energy to give to you and the relationship. We’re saying this because you seem like a very giving person, and someone who could get caught up in the giving, or even “saving,” and then realize later that you’re not getting your own needs met.

Please think about all the questions we’ve asked. We’d love to hear your thoughts on everything. And then we can give you some more feedback. And certainly, ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. (In the comments below this post.)

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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3 Comments on Dating the mother of two wonderful kids; how do I get to the next level? (Relationship and Dating Advice)

  1. 1. Her and the ex were never married and have been broken up for about three years
    2. She’s definitely not hung up on him.
    3. We recently talked through text about us having a relationship but she kept hinting that she’s “too good” for me and she’s a screw up.
    4. I’ve tried to express my feelings. It’s just difficult for us to get together and when ever I try and hangout she says away from it every since we talked.
    5. I do want my own family but I’m in no hurry to get starred.
    6. As for kids I’d love to have my own some day
    7. As of right now she does not want anymore kids. Buys she’s still very young obviously.

    As the last few weeks have gone by oh seems like I’m having a harder time maintaining a conversation and having a difficult time hanging out with her whether its our schedules or she puts it off. I just hope ok not going down a dead end because I’ve had feelings for this woman for a very long time and want nothing more than to care for her and be there in the next few months as she’s coming up on some tough things and I am very close with the boys. I’ve known them since they were born and love them so much. When we kiss I can’t think of anything else and I can’t stand the thought if losing her after finally working up the courage to take that first step. Thanks guys!

  2. @Chad……..Let’s start with the relationship you have with her boys. Since you’re their Godfather, you’re probably going to be in their lives even if you don’t have a relationship with their mom. Is that right? If so, then that’s a good thing. We don’t know how involved their father is in their lives, but you certainly provide a positive role-model for them. That’s very important. Even if this doesn’t work out, we hope you maintain those relationships as best you can. As per their mother. Can you clarify one of your answers. You said: “3. We recently talked through text about us having a relationship but she kept hinting that she’s “too good” for me and she’s a screw up.” (Did she really say she was “too good” for you. Or did she say you were “too good” for her?) Because it doesn’t make sense for her to say she’s “too good” for you and then say she’s a screw up. (Please explain) ……..We have the basic idea of what we’re going to say, but would like you to clarify first. Thanks.

  3. Your right I’m sorry. She did say I’m too good and I deserve better. I will maintain my relationship with her and the boys no matter what the ex(their father isn’t in the picture at all)

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