I’m 19 years old and falling fast for an old friend who is 22 and just so happens to be a mother of two wonderful kids. The kids and I get along great so that’s not a problem. I know her past relationship troubles and she knows mine. We’re really close. I’m even the godfather to both of her sons. (5 and 4) I’m just wondering if I should take this any further. I honestly do love her and her boys. We’ve already kissed quite a few times which has been years overdue. I’d like to take our relationship to the next level, not necessarily right away but eventually. I just can’t stand not having her in my arms much longer. Do you have any advice on how I should approach this delicate situation?
Thanks for your question. You sound very mature for a 19 year-old guy. (Don’t take that wrong. That’s a big time compliment.) She, or any other woman looking for a long-term commitment, would be lucky to have you.
So what’s holding you back Chad? Is it that you’re not sure where she stands, or how she feels about you? Or is it something else? And where is her ex in this picture?
Understand that a single mother out in the dating world—besides wanting what every person wants: love and excitement— is looking to find a guy who is a good influence on her kids, and who possibly loves them, or at least cares for them. You’ve got that going in spades Chad, so that’s a great start. And it sounds like there’s some chemistry as well.
But in order to give you some answers/strategies we nee more info.
How long has she been divorced?
Is she hung up on her ex?
Have the two of you talked about your relationship at all?
Have you expressed your feelings towards her?
Do you want a family of your own?
Do you want your own kids?
Does she want more kids?
Obviously she knows you must be into her. But it’s possible she’s not sure if you really want to take on the entire package. (Raising someone else’s kids is a lot to take on.) And if you’re sensing hesitation on her part, it could be because she’s also unsure of how serious you are about her. You may be mature, and you may love her kids, but there’s still a lot to consider here Chad, and she knows that. Just be careful not to give up all of your dreams and aspirations to be with her. This needs to be a two-way street. Yes, her first responsibility is her kids, but she still needs to have enough energy to give to you and the relationship. We’re saying this because you seem like a very giving person, and someone who could get caught up in the giving, or even “saving,” and then realize later that you’re not getting your own needs met.
Please think about all the questions we’ve asked. We’d love to hear your thoughts on everything. And then we can give you some more feedback. And certainly, ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. (In the comments below this post.)
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