Dating two guys at once; I’m confused

Readers: Check out our “Relationship Memoirs”  page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s, “Rebecca, a memoir.” 


Dear Guys,

I had never been confident with guys until about a couple of months ago when I got with three guys in one night. I then started to constantly get with guys in clubs.

I then met one guy who I got with and went a little further almost going “all the way” and then he started to text me a lot, and seemed really keen to meet up with me again. It got dragged out for personal reasons, but I finally met up with him and went on a “date.” It was a little awkward but we made conversation, kissed a bit, and there was a bit of holding hands and leg touching.

Once I was home he text to say thanks for a nice night and can’t wait to see you again. And I replied a similar message, then he didn’t text back at all. (Before he used to keep texting. Also I’d normally get a good morning text quite early and that hasn’t happened yet.)

Is this the start of him ignoring me?

After I was home, one of my friends (a guy) started to text me trying to get me to come out and see him. (He really likes me, and I used to like him a bit. Deep down I still have some feelings for him, he’s asked me to come over for sex, and I kinda want to but know I shouldn’t because I’ll end up hurting someone.

How do I politely postpone the invitation without giving the impression I don’t want to see him?

What should I do about the guy from the date? (I dont know how I feel about him, but he seems really nice and wanting to see me again?

Is it bad to want both? Or to want sex from one and to “date” the other?

I feel like a bit of a s*** but I’m so confused on what to do?



Dear J,

Thanks for your question.

There’s nothing wrong with being interested in two guys at once. You don’t say how old you are, but typically young people—even people in their 20s—take their time settling down. So it’s okay to date more the one person, get a taste of different personalities, and see what suits you the best. Of course, once you finally decide you like someone we recommend dating them exclusively. (As long as they feel the same way.)

However, we don’t recommend sleeping with a bunch of guys at the same time, or even more than one. Besides the obvious health risks, it’s not great for your own emotional well-being and self-respect. (Probably not great for the guys either unless they don’t care about anything but having sex with you. And in that case, that’s not going to make you feel great in the long run.)

J, you seem all over the place. Why don’t you just go with the flow? Date around. Enjoy yourself. Have fun. You’ll know when the time is right to date exclusively. You’ll feel it inside you because once you find that special someone you won’t even want to date anyone else. And when that happens you’ll know you’re ready to have an open, honest, and trusting relationship. Until then, have a good time. But be careful and safe out there.

Finally, please don’t mix alcohol into the mix. That’s going to blur your judgement even more.

Good luck,


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks.


1 Comment on Dating two guys at once; I’m confused

  1. Like J, I’ve also been dating two guys. First time I’ve ever done this and it’s hard to deal with. I’m 22, and have had really terrible relationships in the past (abuse, assault, etc.) and I’m having a lot of fun. I met the one a couple of months ago, on the third date we had sex and have had sex every time we’ve gotten together since – which has been about four times. We barely talk to each other, and don’t really see each other much. I feel like he’s just using me for sex based on things he’s said, the fact that all he ever wants to do is have sex and that he doesn’t really have any interest in taking me out anywhere. I’m not looking for a relationship so I’m fine with the casual sex, however he’s leaving for Australia for a couple of months. Now..last week I met another guy, we’ve seen each other four times in the last week and we text each other every single day. I’ve met some of his friends already, just by him taking me to a place that a number of his friends work. The other night I went to his place to watch a movie and we ended up having sex..twice.
    I’m not really okay with now having sex with two guys for what I think are obvious reasons. Neither of them know about each other, we’re not exclusive so I’m hoping they’re not assuming I’m not seeing other people. I’m falling for this second guy because although we’ve talked about how much we enjoy having sex with each other and can’t wait till we can do it again, he also wants to take me on dates and he’s sweet and funny. Now I don’t know if he does with other girls or not, but ever since we had sex the other night he’s been calling me “babe” in texts (not over using it). Soo I’m falling for him, and although we only met last week, and I don’t need exclusivity right now, I think I want to see where things go with him.
    I don’t know how to end things with the first guy…I know I need to talk to him in person but I have no idea what to say. Do I mention I’m seeing someone else or is that going to catch him off guard too much? The other problem is I agreed to be with him on New Year’s Eve and I no longer want those plans.. He’s a nice guy, we could be friends but I don’t know if he’d be into that. How do I end it?

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