Does he like me or not?

Dear Guys,

I like a guy who is 16, the same age as me. He’s always looking at me. And all my friends tell me that they are good looks. But whenever he is with his friends, he won’t look at me as much, but he sometimes will sort of sneak some looks when his friends aren’t paying much attention to him.

We haven’t really talked before but he does know my name. My friends have noticed and they don’t understand either. Whenever he looks at me I quickly look away.

He is also really popular, and I’m not really that popular. I’m also not in any of his classes. Also my friends say that he is an asshole, but they don’t know him very well.

I’m so confused, this has been going on since the start of this year and I know that he is single and looking for a girlfriend.

Is he worried what his friends would think of me or something?
Does he like me or not? What do I do?


Dear Sammy,

Thanks for your question. This is the kind of scenario that plays out at high schools all across the country. In fact this dance doesn’t really stop there. It continues on throughout adult life.

First of all, if what you say is true, and he’s constantly looking at you, it’s very likely he likes you or finds you attractive. So that’s the good news.

It’s also likely, if the two of you run in different social circles, he’s not sure how to approach you. High school is about appearances. (Actually much of life is about appearances, but we digress.) He certainly doesn’t want to risk being shot down by you, or teased by his friends if he is rejected, because there’s nothing worse to a high school guy than being embarrassed.

So we guess the question is, how do you let him know you’re interested? Or do you?

If you were older, we might suggest you just tell him. The less game playing the better. But for you that might not be the best idea.

Is it possible to enlist some of your friends to help? This seems to be the way things work in high school. A note is passed. A friend mentions to him that you might be interested. (Might being the optimal word here.) This way everyone saves face if it doesn’t work out.

Of course you could always go against the grain and just smile and say hi to him. Or you could try to strike up a conversation with him in the hall or in the cafeteria. Or if he plays sports, go watch him play. Make it obvious you’re there to see him.

Teenage boys are just learning how to approach girls. They might talk a good game, or act like they’re studly, but they’re scared and not as confident as they project. And they certainly like a sure thing. Meaning, they want to know the girl they ask out is going to say yes, 100%. Doubting that even a little is enough for them to hang back and not go for it. Now that we think about it, it’s not much different from a man asking a woman to marry him. Usually, he’s pretty much sure the answer will be yes.

So you have to decide how you want to approach this. But it’s likely that if you really want to find out what’s going on, you’ll have to be the one to take the risk. Someone has to! It doesn’t sound like he’s going to.

We hope this helps you Sammy. Good luck.


12 Comments on Does he like me or not?

  1. just be yourself, don’t doubt yourself. he digs you. he’ll come around. it’s like every john hughes movie ever made.

  2. Do you guys have any mutual friends? You can figure out if he likes you through them. Granted, there is a risk/benefit analysis attached to this, but I know that’s how I rolled in high school. The worst thing that will happen is that he’ll say that he doesn’t like you, which, no harm no foul.

  3. I’m still not sure what the hell is happening…

    WHY can’t you go up to him? Just walk up and say,

    “Quit eye-fucking me and ask me out.”

    NO! Don’t say that… That’s what I would say… I’m sure I have at some given point in my life!

    But, I see no reason that you can’t just go and say, “What’s up?”

    Chances are if people are SAYING he’s an asshole, then he’s an asshole and I’d stay away from the bastard all together.

    (Well, I probably would’ve scre-) Nevermind!

    Missed you fuckers! Thanks for coming to make sure I was still alive assholes!

  4. This brought back so many memories of high school. Boys are definitely hard to figure out. I would suggest trying to make eye contact and smiling. Or, as the guys suggested, have a friend speak to him.

  5. This was kind of adorable. I think the friend route is the way to go here, as well. My other piece of advice is to figure out ways to engage him in conversation. The more comfortable you can make him around you, the more likely he’ll be to fess up to a crush and make a move.

    That being said, I was never good at this in high school…not that I had a whole lot of options being a weird, artsy girl in a conservative Christian private school.

  6. Your advice is right on target and I agree… In the end, it looks like this girl will have to be the one to initiate a conversation. As far as rumors that “he is an asshole” go… I wouldn’t just automatically believe that to be the case. He might be a nice guy. The only way to know for sure is if you walk up to him when he’s away from anyone else, preferably, and start talking. If he’s interested, he’ll treat you with respect and start talking back. I also agree with you on that sort of game playing goes on throughout one’s adult life, too… unfortunately.

  7. Enter your comments here…
    I guess my comment puts me in shockingly good company with CB. We’re we the only two that noticed the 800 lb. gorilla in this story? Your friends think this guy is an… err… jerk. I would at least pay this some close attention. Trusting you have any skill at discerning a decent friend, you should probably trust their opinions more than just seeing a piece of eye candy. Dudes have a saying, “Bro’s before Hoe’s”. The urban dictionary says it’s putting your friends before a “woman that is undeserving or not worth being with that person”. I don’t know what the female equivalent of that saying is but I would listen to your friends. He is probably not the worthy of you.

  8. I have a 16yr old daughter. I think nowadays you friend them on Facebook, then you can comment on his status and stuff. If that works out then you get his mobile number and start texting him. Then maybe, you hang all together somewhere like the mall, or movies.

    I don’t know…..I know it’s different than when I was in school.


  9. Awww! The Guys! You gave Sammy some EXCELLENT advice!

  10. Enter your comments here…Goodness, this is eerie! last night I sat and watched Grease. (oh how I love that movie and sooo wanted to be American and a pink Lady!)

    But this reminds me of the bit when Danny first sees Sandy at the bonfire, he is really excited to see her – but then he realises his mates are all looking at him so he gets mean toward Sandy and rejects her (even though he doesn’t want to) .. you see at 16, boys are very mixed up. They are testosterone fuelled, and although inteested in girls, are also still stuck in that whole thing of peer approval.

    Sandy got her man in the end. just give this guy time, if it’s meant to be, it will be.

  11. It is easy to say the guy will come around – however unfortunately men and especially young guys really do want to know their chances of success before making a move.

    Then the approach – I suggest not in front of his friends – even if he thinks you are amazing… at this point in his life he wants to impress his peers. So if they are not impressed by you (which is nothing to do with you – most mates want their mate to stay a mate without a girlfriend coming between them)… he may also walk away only to regret it later.

    One suggestion – Is there something in your life that you shine at – this could be playing a musical instrument or public speaking or drawing… if you raise your profile in general then give him that special smile – he may be more motivated.

    The Guys advice here is golden… is is now up to you!

  12. Dear Guys,

    I (31 y/o) have been working with coworker who is 10 years my junior for 4 months, but it wasn’t until a month ago that I let him know I was interested and his response was very clear: “I don’t feel the same way.” Because we work together I wanted to not make things uncomfortable so I apologize for misinterpreting his kindness and lets focus on bring friends.
    The facts since then:
    – Standing up for me more than before
    – Doing big favors for me
    – Saying things like: ” I want your advise, I took your advise, etc.
    – Making it his mission to make me laugh when I’m stressed
    – “Accidentally” calling me in the middle of the night about a dream he had about work
    – Gives me hugs upon rrequest
    – Is vulnerable in front of me
    – Always in my office
    – He disclosed that he is trying to work things out with the mother of his child!I

    When I put all these things together it would make sense that he likes me, but WHY in world would he not want to date me? I’m not asking for a relationship (or only being intimate), but the opportunity to explore our friendship. What am I missing?

    Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

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