I moved into the same building as a guy I used to know. We were never really that close before, but that has changed. In the four months I’ve lived there we talk almost every day, cook for each other from time to time and watch late night movies with wine and sushi. One night we started making out that has led to becoming “friends with benefits.” We did it quite frequently for a couple of weeks while he insisted on not having emotions involved which I was quite fine with.
Then he started doing things that blurred the line and made me start getting feelings for him. (Cuddling, spending entire nights holding hands, etc.) We promised to stop since we were doing it too often and someone was bound to get attached. That same week I got really sick. When he found out he ran out to the drugstore late at night and practically bought the entire store and made sure I took everything. He stayed home to ensure I was recovering well and even brought home each of my favorite foods every day. Not too long after we started again I told him I was beginning to get attached and he said he didn’t want this to happen, and he didn’t want to take advantage of the situation. We continued a couple times after. We once again promised we would stop for sure this time but I’m just confused since he’s doing these things I wouldn’t expect a FWB to do.
What is he thinking and what do I do?
We understand why you’re confused. He is blurring the lines a bit, but nothing has changed for him. He doesn’t want more than what he’s saying he wants. Friends with Benefits. Otherwise he’d be saying it. Instead, at every turn he reminds you not to get too attached because he doesn’t want to feel as if he’s taking advantage of you.
How do we know?
It’s all about context. The same set of behaviors mean two different things depending on the context. In a long-term committed relationship, cuddling, holding hands are behaviors that reflect a deeper intimacy. Within the context of Friends with Benefits they’re foreplay. They’re a way to get you back in bed. But before you get too upset, this is not premeditated on his part. He’s not being manipulative, he’s just being a guy. We don’t doubt he cares about you, but not enough to commit to you unfortunately.
We credit him for being honest with you, but consider this. He knows you feel differently than him. He knows that if he wanted a relationship you’d definitely be up for it. So in essence he is taking advantage of your feelings.
You should read our e-report on this topic. It’s short but informative.
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