Last friday I went out to a bar with my friends. My sex partner/friends with benefits was there too. (We didn’t know that we were going to see each other at all.) When I was about to leave, he asked me if I wanted to go to his house. I accepted and we went there. It had been five months since we had had sex so we were excited to see each other. We did it twice and according to me, it was good!
Afterwards he offered to drive me home. But then one of my friends asked me for a ride. (She was staying at her boyfriend’s house.) My sex partner wasn’t happy about it, but he agreed to give her a ride as well. However, when we got to where she was, she didn’t answer her phone or come out to the car. My sex partner was getting annoyed and so was I. When my friend finally answered she told me that she was naked. I was mad that I told her that my sex partner was yelling at me, which was not true. ( I said that just to show her what she did was wrong). When I hung up, he started to actually yell at me because I told my friend that he was yelling at me. He was mad because I lied. I told him that my friend doesn’t even know him, that there’s no reason to be angry and then he said that she could find out who he is.
I was so mad. I cried out “Don’t ever yell at me again. I don’t know how your mom raised you but this is not how you’re supposed to talk to people.” He snapped back, “Don’t ever talk about my mom again! You don’t wanna go there… Keep my mom out of it!”
I realized that I went too far mentioning his mom so I defended myself saying that I didn’t say anything bad about his mom, just that I don’t know how she raised him because he shouldn’t talk to people like that. And I said that if ever he has other partners that he shouldn’t treat them that way. Furthermore no woman will want to be with him except to have sex!” Then I got out of the car and slammed the door . When I got into my friend’s house, I felt so bad that I tried to call him(using another phone) but no answer! I texted him to apologize saying that I regret everything I said, everything about his mom, that I was so mad the conversation got out of hand and I wasn’t thinking what I was saying and plus I was tipsy.
Now he’s deleted me on snapchat and other social media and won’t return my calls. I need some advice and some help please! Do you think it’s really over? I miss him so much on snapchat. Since he deleted me, I found my snapchat so boring. Okay I admit that I was wrong but I said sorry. I just can’t bear when people are mad at me. I want to fix everything I did wrong but he hates me!
First of all, stop fretting. This is NOT entirely your fault. In fact, we don’t see much that you could have done differently. So you need to stop berating yourself. Seriously.
Friends with Benefits, hookups, sex partners, f- buddies, all of those things lead to these kinds of issues you’re experiencing. Why? Because there are no rules when the relationship is all about sex. People, especially guys, tend to be selfish in these types of situations. They want to get “theirs” and move on. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would have asked to be in a relationship with you. So we’re not surprised by his selfish behavior.
Does this make sense so far?
It seems that you want him to act courteously and responsibly, as if the two of you were in a relationship. He, on the other hand, sees you as a sex partner only. So the issue here is more about expectations, rather than something you did. Your expectations are different than his. (What do you think?) Question for you: Do you want a relationship with this man? More than just a sexual one? To us, it seems that you do. Otherwise you wouldn’t be that upset by this.
Now, we’ll give you our opinion on him…..he’s playing you Nicki. He’s making it seem that you’ve done all these bad things, when the reality is, he just wants to be in control. If he makes you feel badly, then he has total control over you. You didn’t say anything badly about his mom. But he’s clever and he flipped things on you. Which is pretty much what he did with the whole night. He got his sex and didn’t want to deal with you anymore so he made you feel like crap. And he’s even got you apologizing. Are you kidding us!!?
Our opinion: You deserve better than this. You deserve to be treated with respect. And you deserve a man who loves you the way you love him. This is not the guy. You don’t need to settle. (But you have to believe that yourself.)