Everything was perfect; why did he break up with me?

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Dear Guys,

I just had the best holiday, that is, until my boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly the next day. I am so heartbroken AND confused. What happened??! Can you guys explain.

Background. We’d been dating for four months. At first he was unsure about whether or not he wanted to get into a serious relationship but after a month he jumped in headfirst. After that we spent more and more time together. It started as once or twice a week, but by mid-November we were almost living together. I even had my own drawer at his place with clothes, toothbrush and other items a girl might need.

I live far from my family so I wasn’t able to get home for the holidays, so I celebrated with him and his family. And it was so amazing. Everyone was so nice and treated me so well, like I was part of the family. His mother even spent some time talking with me as if I was going to be around for a long time.

Then? The next day he says we have to talk. And basically he says something isn’t right for him and that he needs space to figure it out. I kept asking him if I did anything. He said no. I asked him what was wrong. He couldn’t tell me. He just kept saying that something didn’t feel right.

I’m in shock and I don’t know what to do or how to think? Is this just a phase guys go through? Will he be back? Or is this it? And how does he go from treating me like he loves me to breaking up with me in the course of two days?

Helen

Dear Helen,

We are so sorry. Hopefully we’ll at least be able to explain what we believe to be going on with your guy.

What’s so difficult about unexpected breakups is that they feel as if they’re out of the blue. But actually, they’re only unexpected to the person being broken up with. To the person doing the breaking up, they are the last stage of months of anguished back and forth. He was probably thinking. Do I love her. I think so. But I’m not sure. Should I stay? Should I go? I’m an idiot for thinking this. What’s my problem. I have to move on. And so on and so forth. The point is, he has been thinking about this for some time, ruminating, percolating, talking to his friends possibly, trying to touch base with his heart to see what’s what.

The other difficult aspect of the unexpected breakup is that the days, maybe weeks preceding the breakup are often the best days of the relationship. This makes things even more confusing, but there’s an actual reason for this. It was his last ditch effort to make things work. It was his way of throwing himself into the relationship completely to see how he felt. He was hoping that by doing so, it would become clear he wants what you want, but sadly, the opposite happened.

So where does that leave you? And will he come back or not?

We don’t like to make predictions because we’ve been wrong before, but we can certainly say that we’ve seen this pattern before. And most of the time, once a guy goes down the path of actually breaking up, it’s not usually a good sign. He may come back, but only if he once again suppresses the feelings of doubt. Meaning, something isn’t right for him, and even if he does come back, that “something” whatever it may be, will still be there.

We are truly sorry and wish we could be more upbeat about your situation. We hope you’ll try to surround yourself with people who love you, especially since you’re not able to get home.

Take care and let us know if you have follow-up questions or just need to run something else by us. Leave in the comments below.

Yours,

THE GUYS

ps. And please let your friends know about our site. Thanks.

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