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Facebook crisis

Dear Guys,

I’m a middle aged woman dating again.  I’ve been dating a man for awhile. We had broken up for a period of time but got back together.  During that time apart he dated and was intimate with another woman.  He has a Facebook account as do I.  He blocked me but has this other woman he was with as a friend.  He also accepted a woman as a friend who he knew caused me a lot of problems in the past.  If he cared for me why would he keep them and block me?
Thank you for your input.

Lee Ann
Dear Lee Ann,

Thanks for writing. It seems Facebook issues have struck again. We’re sorry.

We’re not sure what it is about Facebook, My Space, and some of these other social networking sites, where people feel they can do or say anything without any repercussions. It’s like the wild, wild west but with no sheriff.

How long have you been back together? Is it possible you were blocked during the time of your break up and he hasn’t unblocked you yet? It’s at least worth a conversation, which is what we’re recommending in general. We think the best thing to do is to talk with your friend and see what’s going on. If you don’t like his explanation, or if he doesn’t give you one, it’s time to move on.

Our gut feeling is, he’s keeping his options open. If he is way into you why is he blocking you? What is your gut telling you? And why did you break up in the first place? Maybe those issues are still looming.

And one note about Facebook. It’s great for businesses who are trying to keep in touch with their customers or fans. (We have a fan page.) And it’s great for people who are curious to know what all their high school chums are up to. But it’s just a bit too public to use as a way to keep in touch on a regular basis. Email, or even that old relic, the phone, is a better alternative. That way, both you and the person you’re communicating with act as sheriffs.

Good luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

16 Comments on Facebook crisis

  1. I agree with The Guys advice. And, I also think if he’s blocking you he might be hiding something.

  2. Here’s how I feel about this: if you are to be in a private, committed, serious relationship, then it needs to be deeper than facebook. If he can’t keep from being petty with a social networking site, he isn’t going to be boyfriend or even marriage material. End of story. It’s a hard, sticky situation, but you’re probably best to just unfriend him and find a guy worth your time.

    Don’t forget – you’re worth so much more than this.

  3. The best way to find out why he is blocking you, is to ask. Like what is mentioned above, it could be he hasn’t unblocked her yet since they got back together. If he insist on blocking her, something is definately wrong with the relationship.

  4. So many problems can be unraveled by a simple, direct conversation.

  5. @Bluz …or discovered. (Therein lies the test of faith and strength.)

  6. Talk to him about it, listen to what he has to say, and proceed from there.

  7. Well, if he blocked you, then you wouldn’t be able to see his page, or his yours. Maybe he removed you as a friend? Or are you looking via another person’s account?
    I think if it’s the latter, then trust is an issue and should be explored heart to heart.

    I met my fiance on Facebook. We also broke up for a few months, in the middle of our dating and I dated others, then got back together. I am still friends with some that I dated and that is all it is. Friends. He understands. It’s all good. I did block him for a time and added him back. I only blocked him so I wouldn’t see what he was doing, I didn’t want to know and that worked best for me. It was not personal at all.

    Hope it works out for the best. 🙂

  8. I agree with Meleah, if he is blocking you, he might be hiding something (although he might just not have remembered to unblock you. You can also communicate through private message on Facebook. That isn’t public so others are not able to see it.

  9. If he’s blocking her on Facebook, that’s a big red flag to me.

  10. I agree with what you said about Facebook, it is not meant as a way to manage personal relationships. I also agree about him wanting to keep his options open (while not wanting it to be transparent to her) If in your gut something is wrong then it’s time to move on. If a guy is hiding one thing, even something simple like a Facebook page, then he is probably hiding other things too!

  11. Yeah! ask him why he had blocked you…then follow your gut feelings … Good luck 🙂

  12. I personally don’t think relationship issues and/or arguments should be discussed via text or social sites. There’s too much that can be mis-interpreted.

    De-friending someone on facebook hurts today just as much as having your face cut out of a picture!

    Of course i’m attempting to be funny here, but a face to face meeting is probably the only solution that will help you get to the bottom of how he truly feels. Don’t take FaceBook too seriously; however if he’s committed to you he should respect your feelings in the matter.

    My two cents would be to talk it out and keep moving forward…

  13. Amen. I like your analogy of Facebook and the Wild West. Social networking causes more problems than it’s worth, because it’s so easy to post, check, etc. We have no impulse control with Facebook or Twitter. Did you see the latest episode of Entourage? Careers are lost because of a mistaken drunk posting to Twitter. Ahhh, social media…

  14. I agree guys 🙂 great response!

  15. Ive been seeing a guy for a year, he has every ex girlfriend on his facebook page and never really posts anything personal to one person in general unless its a goofy, silly response to friends. Ive told him how I feel about it and their still there, Lord knows what he’s up to on there.

  16. @Lonna…..what does he say when you tell him how you feel? Does he give you any reason to believe he is doing
    something behind your back?

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