Friends with Benefits or more; I’m afraid to ask

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Hi Guys,

I’ve been involved in e a FWB for about four months now. We talk or text daily. He has stayed the night a few times. Until recently it has been sexual but the last few times he’s come over we’ve just watched a movie or talked. We don’t see each other very often maybe, twice a month. We both have kids from previous marriages so we are very busy.

I’m confused. Do you think he wants more or less? To be honest I’m a little afraid to ask because I’m not sure I will like either answer.



Dear Jen,

We understand. However, before you ask him what he wants maybe you need to clarify what it is you want. Do you want the relationship to progress into something more serious? Or do you just want to see him more often?

Since we don’t have a lot of information about your relationship and since we can’t read his mind we’ll give you a general overview of what he’s likely thinking and feeling. We’re going to break it down for you and give you the reasons he may want a relationship or he may not.

These are generalizations and do not hold true for all guys. 

Pro Relationship:

-He’s a bit younger. Late 20s- early 30s. Or older. Mid-50s and up.

-He’s been divorced for a long time. Over 5 years. (Sometimes over 3 years.)

-His wife dumped him or cheated on him.

-His kids are younger and he’s looking for someone to co-parent with him.

-He’s hinted about moving the relationship forward. (Actually talked about it with you.)

Not looking for a Relationship, just a FWB:

-Recently divorced. (In the last 3 years or so)

-He left his wife. Now wants his freedom.

-He’s in his late 30s t0 early 50s. (Looking to be sleep around, wants to keep his independence.)

-Doesn’t see you that often and doesn’t ask to see you more.

-Doesn’t talk about what he does when he’s not with you.

So here’s the thing Jen. Friends with Benefits aren’t always just about sex. Sure that’s usually the incentive, but basically the arrangement is about fulfilling needs without commitment. Needs could be physical, but could also be emotional. He may need sex, but he may also just need to feel connected to a woman. The fact that he’s coming over to talk or hang out doesn’t mean he wants more. (We’re not saying he doesn’t, but those are not necessarily signs that he does.)

So what is a sign?

Well, him talking about it. If he hasn’t brought it up it probably means he’s happy with how things are.

So what’s your plan? (Leave us a comment or a follow-up question below.)


ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks.


To read more relationship advice and dating advice about Friends with Benefits visit our site. Check out our e-report on the topic.



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