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FWB, Secret Relationship, High School Reconnection

Question 1:

Hello Guys,

I’m not used to this… but alright here I go.

I have had a friend for over eight to nine years. We have been close.. I’ve always felt attracted to him. I have always wanted our friendship to go to something more. Well we have just become Friends with Benefits  for the last few months. Well, last night I gave my virginity to him. But before I did I asked him if he loved me. He told me he did, but he loved things about me. What shocked me is how he said it like he was nervous. He had his arms over his eyes and he told me straight. ” I don’t know my feelings for you anymore.” I have been contemplating this for hours… I’m trying to figure out what he means..and maybe. What he’s thinking.

THE GUYS response: 

What a guy says BEFORE he he’s about to have sex and AFTER he has sex are sometimes very different. We’d suggest you discuss your feelings during a coffee date or lunch date, NOT in the bedroom. The two of you need to get to know one another by talking and spending quality time together. Otherwise, he’s going to see you as someone he has sex with, not someone he wants to be in a relationship with. You don’t want to be a booty call.

Question 2: 

Guys,

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for about five months..we both love eachother a lot & he does everything to keep me in his life! He even wants to marry me someday! But I’m wondering that after these five months, his family still knows nothing about me..He sometimes tries to make me believe that his parents know about me but I’m sure they don’t! He once said that if he tells about me to his family, they will agree but I doubt it. He is keeping our relationship a secret and hasnt talked about it with his family yet!

Is the thought of getting introduced with his family after five months too early? And if his family is so liberal then what could be the reason behind hiding our relatiomship from them when he even claims to have a future with me?

Please suggest me something, so that I can talk about this with my boyfriend..Need ur opinion asap!

THE GUYS response:

You didn’t say if there was some sort of issue or reason that he might not want to introduce you to his family. (For example: Conflicting religious beliefs, age difference, ethnicity, that sort of thing.) We’re not saying these are issues in all relationships, but some families have a more difficult time accepting the choices of their children. Is this what’s going on?

In general, he should be proud of you and excited to introduce you to his family. If he’s not, then something is wrong. You may love this man, but he needs to be strong enough to stand up to his family otherwise you’re going to be dealing with this your entire relationship. One thing will lead to another, and soon, he’ll ask you to change in order to be more suitable for them.

And five months is not too soon to meet a partner’s family. Good luck.

Have you read any of our other posts on this topic? You should. Here are some: (Why is he hiding me from his family?)

Question 3: 

I’m trying to figure out how a guy is feeling about me. We went to high school together and have reconnected since then. We went on a date and had a great time. We ended up sleeping together and I stayed the night over at his apartment. We have been texting each day since then. A few days later I went over to his place again and we watched a movie on the couch. He has told me thru text and in person that he could date me and does like me. When I went over to watch a movie, he kept bringing up a wedding he is in and how he asked the bride if he could bring a date. I didn’t know if he was hinting at asking me so I didn’t say anything. He also told several of his friends that he likes me and wants to keep seeing me and can see dating me long term. I am just trying to get a gauge as to how he is feeling. I could see something with him. Am I being crazy? I don’t want to push him away. How do I move forward? He is in the military so he’s been at officer training drill since the 12th. I saw and talked to him on the 10th. Well on the 17th he adds me on snapchat but doesn’t snapchat me or text me or anything. I haven’t heard from him literally other than that. I sent him a text on the 17th just saying, hey hope drill is going well. What should I do? Is he blowing me off? Should I drop him? Is he really that busy that he can’t text me but he can add me on snapchat?

This boy has me so confused. I think I am more into him than he is into me.

THE GUYS response: 

It seems that he likes you, otherwise he wouldn’t be telling all his friends. That said, lack of communication is not okay, especially since the two of you have already slept together. What we’d do is wait until you see him again, see how it goes, and then bring it up casually. (He should be the one to initiate your next get together, so you’ll just have to be patient.) But it’s still too soon to really know what’s going on, and we certainly wouldn’t make any demands, otherwise you might push him away.

Last note: We know you know this, but once you sleep with a guy, you kind of lose control of the situation. But on the flip side, once you sleep with him, it seems only fair that you can inquire about what’s going on.

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