Getting no affection from boyfriend

Read more Relationship Advice and Dating Advice on affection and sex

Dear Guys,

I have been with my partner for five years and four months. Our relationship with each other is great but lacks affection. He doesn’t hug, only gives a brief peck as a kiss, doesn’t hold hands, and we only have sex once every few months and only when he wants to. (I get constantly turned down.)

We always talk about our plans for future and what we are doing for our wedding, so I’m so confused. I know what a lot of people are going to say, but I really want to hear from other guys who are like this. Maybe you can explain to me why? Because I really am confused.. (He has no issues down there.)

Little Lady

Dear Little Lady,

We understand why you’re confused. His actions don’t necessarily seem to jive with his words. For a guy who’s talking marriage, we’d think he would be more interested in sex. But it’s hard to say exactly what’s going on without more information. Here are a bunch of questions to ask yourself, or answer in the comments’ section below and we’ll get back to you. (Also, answering some of these questions might help you sort through how you feel about the situation.)

Has he always been this way with you? Lack of affection, not much sex.

Is he reserved with everyone? (You hint at this)

How old are you? Him?

Are you just confused as to why, or are you unhappy with the relationship?

If you understood why he acts the way he does, could you be satisfied being married to him?

Do you find yourself frustrated with the lack of sex?

You say the relationship is great besides the sex. What makes it great?

Does he believe he has an issue? If not, have you talked to him about it?

We know you’re looking for reasons why he acts how he acts, but honestly, there could be many, many reasons why. A few might be:

-He’s not a very sexual person.

-He’s naturally reserved.

-Something happened in his past that’s impacting his sexual life.

-He’s not attracted to you enough, or not attracted to you as much as he was.

-He’s stressed or busy or overwhelmed with other aspects of his life.

You’re doing the right thing by searching for answers, but you may have to consult that actual source to find the truth. Have you talked with him about this? What does he say? If he’s not willing to open up to you, maybe the two of you could talk to a professional together?

If you’d like to continue this discussion with us, do so in the comments’ section below. You must be Logged In to do so because of all the SPAM we get.

All the best,


ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks!






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