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Some recent questions:
My ex and I broke up a while ago. I’ve only been in love one other time besides him and that was 7 years ago. We weren’t even together that long to begin with, but I’ve had a very hard time getting over him. Now enter a new boy. He is great. He embodies everything I like in a guy and all the qualities my ex didn’t have. (Note: My ex was never a bad guy the qualities I’m talking about are a sense of adventure and others along those lines.) We have gone on a few really good dates. Last night we had our first kiss and it was surprisingly nice, although it made me a little uncomfortable. Then I went home and proceeded to dream about my ex and woke up crying. What is wrong with me? I mean this is a great guy I have now and I can’t stop thinking about my ex. Am I still not ready to date? If I’m not then what do I do, because I don’t want to lose this great guy I’m seeing. We are a very good match for each other. The more I try not to think about my ex the more I do think about my ex.
What should I do? I’m so confused and upset right now.
Thanks for your question. We can understand your confusion, but what you’re experiencing is fairly typical.
Up until meeting this new guy, your relationship with your ex may have been over, but the vault was not entirely sealed. Enter new guy, and now, if things progress in a positive way, your relationship with your ex will finally be put to rest. The sadness of the finality of your previous relationship is what you’re feeling.
You don’t say why you broke up with your ex. You also don’t mention who broke up with whom. But obviously something wasn’t right because the two of you split up. Don’t all of a sudden put “rose colored glasses” on when looking back on your relationship with him. That doesn’t mean you have to think negatively, but it’s so easy to remember only the good things. This can even get to the point where people say, “Now, why did we break up again?” And those people often try to reunite, only to realize soon enough the reasons they broke up in the first place.
It could be that you’re not ready for a new relationship, but forge ahead and keep tabs on how you feel. The transition is always filled with complex emotions, especially when sex is factored into the equation. Try to enjoy it too. New love is wonderful!
If your feelings for your ex continue, maybe you will need a new dose of “gamma rays” to remind yourself of why you left in the first place.
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