Guy trips, My Space, and that other girl

Dear Guys,

My husband takes an annual celebrity golf trip where no wives are supposed to go. He has told me there is nothing much for us to do. While up there, the men get all meals paid for, comps to strip clubs if they want, and are transported  to local bars in limos everywhere.

The last trip he made before we dated/got married, as this was in the same year, a female friend known to be provocative and an attention grabber, had just broken up again with her fiance and was in the area with six of her friends. She called my now husband and partied with them for about six hours. This same woman left a message on his My Space page when she did know we were dating and about to be engaged. She wrote, “You’re alone, and so am I..  And no engagement is going to change that.. Let’s go out and party one last time before we both walk down the aisle of hell”.

I asked him to take down his page, which he did, and he has also not gone to the golf tournament either. She knows when it is every year and according to my husband, he says there are only six bars in Buffalo anyway, so they would have run into them at some point anyway.. And did I mention this chick hooked up with one of the guys? Am I wrong to ask him to take down his My Space when he is 40 and she was 27 when it happened? Yes it is a trust issue.

This woman left other comments as well to make me think she wanted him. That in conjunction with her behavior made me uneasy. My husband says if he saw her out up there he would leave the bar she was at. I don’t know. He thinks I am wrong because this happened before we were married. And dare I mention that this same chick went out with them to a strip club and had a 40 minute lap dance while he was at a bachelor party? Again another place and time where wives and girlfriends didn’t go.

What do you think?


Dear Jennifer,

Thanks for writing. This is a lot to absorb. We’ll do our best to help you figure this out.

We’re not exactly sure what’s going on by your note, but here’s what we think you’re asking. Should he have taken down his My Space page? Should he not have any interaction with this woman? Or should he not go to any more of these “golf” weekends? Or all of the above?

First of all, this is absolutely a trust issue, mainly on your part. So why are you feeling so unsure about your husband?  Since you’ve been married has your husband given you any reason to doubt his faithfulness? You don’t really say. Jennifer, what happened before you two were exclusive is really none of your business. Well, that’s not totally true, but it’s only your business if it impacts your relationship. Otherwise it’s just part of the many experiences that make your husband who he is. And that’s someone you love, right?

We agree, this woman seems like bad news, at least for your relationship. We don’t know her personally, so she might be a perfectly fine person, but she’s obviously attracted to your husband, or she’s attracted to the fact that he’s not available to her. Either way, he needs to stay away from her and make it clear to her that he’s not interested and not available. Hopefully she’ll get the hint and keep her distance.

Otherwise it doesn’t seem like your husband is really doing anything wrong. Of course many woman wouldn’t be comfortable with him going on a weekend outing, visiting strip clubs, and doing what some guys like to do, but if that’s not a problem for you, it’s not something that’s inherently wrong. As long as he’s not doing anything more than looking and hollering.

His My Space doesn’t seem like a big deal. It’s more a matter of WHY he has one, wouldn’t you say? If he’s trolling for women or keeping his options open, that’s a major problem. But if he’s there to socialize a bit or promote his band, or just because it’s fun, it’s probably harmless enough.

So the the question is, do you trust him?

Jennifer, you two need to have a sit down and hash all this stuff out with him. It will put your mind at ease, and help him understand where you’re coming from. Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind. You’re entitled to your feelings, but don’t put him on the defensive. Let him have his say too.

Good luck and keep us posted. We hope you get the answers you need.

All the best,


ps. To ask THE GUYS a question, go to the “Ask the Guys” page and leave us a note.

6 Comments on Guy trips, My Space, and that other girl

  1. I don’t think its fair to ask him to do any of that… If you don’t trust him, you shouldn’t be married to him. I understand that she doesn’t want him doing this shit… bars, golf, myspace (isn’t he a little OLD for MySpace) But, if he fucked her WHILE you were together ebfore you got married… Why the fuck did you marry him???

    Mr. CB can go to bars, strip clubs, business trips… I wouldn’t ask him to stop. He goes to a strip club and he comes home to me. He’s not taking anybody else home, he knows I’d tear off his balls and cram them down his throat, then I’d whip her fucking ass and call it a fucking night!

    Stand up for yourself lady! But trust him or don’t. There’s no reason to be married if you don’t.

  2. Finally something of which I have some knowledge! This goes back a LONG way, but here it is. The fact that you are even asking the question tells me that there are trust issues. This is something that you need to work on in couples therapy.

    If there is ANY consolation, any woman who tries to “snuggle up” to a man whom she knows is married, has NO SELF-RESPECT. Trying to develop a relationship with your husband is BAD NEWS.

    I am stopping here, because I don’t want to give anyone bad advice without hearing both sides of the story.

  3. I’m reiterating my tennis racket idea from the last question.

  4. This is a tough subject. While I do think you certainly have some trust issues, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t exactly appreciate some chick writing messages like that on my man’s MySpace.

    However, I don’t think he needed to take down his whole profile page, when he could have easily blocked her and removed her from his friends list.

  5. IrelandI discovered your site because I have been researching ways to get more successful with dating. A short while ago I cheating and difficult. Unfortunately my “skills” with flirting are rusty, to say the least! By the way, can your readers send in questions they would like to personally know more about? Actually I have a question on this issue since I am going through a complicated situation with a girl I like and I’m just not sure how to move forward. I suppose you could call my situation being trapped in the “friend zone.” I’d love to ask for your advice…or maybe someone can suggest a book that I ought to read? I need get some tips on that I’m interested in.

  6. Yes, go to the Ask the Guys page and ask away.

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