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He broke up with me; will we get back together?

Read More: Relationship Advice and Dating Advice on Getting Back Together

Dear Guys,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for seven months. Our chemistry is great, and we understand each other’s needs very well. Over the last two weeks I’ve barely heard from him unless I text him first. His job is very demanding, so I’ve been very understanding.

A couple of days ago, out of the blue, he broke up with me because apparently he doesn’t know what to expect in the upcoming months. He says he might be moving away to his birthplace, and that lately he’s been too busy with work and has no time to see me, and that he wants to be single for now because of the uncertainty. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, and he told me he is not seeing anyone else. However, he wants to stay friends and he wants to see if in a couple of months he can made up his mind for what he really wants. I am so confused. I trust him completely but I don’t know whether this is a dead end for the relationship, or just a hold.

HELP !!!

Lina

Dear Lina,

When a man cites uncertainty as a reason for breaking up he’s being honest. Your guy does have uncertainty in his life and on his mind, but unfortunately it’s not about his job, it’s about your relationship. And you. We’re not saying it’s over. (Hopefully it’s not.) But he’s having doubts about it and he’s using his busy life as an excuse to help buy him some time.

Think about it. When you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed do you push away all the people close to you, or do you hold them tighter? If he was 100% sure about your relationship, he’d be trying to figure out a way to include you in all the changes that are happening in his life. But he’s not doing that. Instead he broke up with you.

You might be wondering why he wants to stay friends? To us, this seems like an insurance policy, just in case he changes his mind, and realizes he’s made a mistake. That said, doubts don’t typically disappear. In a few months he might miss you and want to try again but those doubts will still be looming and will likely surface again at some point. What are they? We’re not sure. But clearly he’s questioning his feelings and commitment.

We think you need to sit him down and have a serious heart-to-heart talk. Ask him to tell you the truth, even if it might hurt. (The truth is always better than not knowing.) Find out what he’s thinking, feeling, what he wants. See if these doubts can be worked through. If he avoids the conversation, or dodges all your questions, or says he needs more time, well, that’s a truth in and of itself.

Let us know if you have any other questions. Leave the question or thoughts in the comments section below.

Take care,

THE GUYS

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8 Comments on He broke up with me; will we get back together?

  1. Hi Guys, this situation is similar to mine. My ex and I were having problems that were honestly my fault, and I know what I need to do to fix them, and am taking the active steps to fix them now. I’m working really hard on myself and the way I act in order to become a better person, not just for the sake of this relationship that I feel can work out, but for myself. After I reached out and tried to explain all of this, he said that he needs “time to do his own thing” and needs to “come to terms with who he wants to be and what’s best for him.” It’s been over a week since that conversation. Do I reach out and try to help him through that transition, because I know I would be able to give him good advice, or do I leave him to come to terms with it himself, and reach out in a few weeks to see how he’s doing/if I can be there for him at all/to explain to him how I’ve been doing?

  2. @D…..We’d give him the space he needs. Honestly, he’s got to come back on his own terms. Question: Why do you think this was your fault? Do you want to discuss that? We ask because usually both people contribute to a breakup, not just one. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks.

  3. I took my anxieties out on him. This is something I have come to terms with and am making real progress in fixing. It just breaks my heart to think that I could have really lost him when this is a problem that can be fixed. I wholeheartedly believe that if we were to try again, the relationship would be totally different, rid of these problems we had in the past. I am giving him his time and space, but I wish I could reach out relatively soon to express these thoughts to him. Our relationship was really special, and I really think that this is something that could be saved.

  4. @D…..We understand. But remember, he also needs to feel that the relationship is worth saving. Hopefully he’ll see the light. You take care and keep us posted.

  5. Jacqui // May 2, 2017 at 1:00 am //

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago but have been hanging out everyday during the month. We have been doing quite couply things together and he suggested that we be exclusive. However, I asked him recently whether he was serious about this and he said it was in the moment and he said it because he missed me.

    We are both trying to be friends but it’s not working. We have had multiple conversations and he has told me many times that he would get back with me but he can’t see it lasting, and thus, we won’t get back together. I want him back and this is driving me up the wall. He tells me I mean a lot to him and he still really likes me. Still tells me he loves me, it’s just becoming very confusing. Do I have a chance? And how can I make this happen….

  6. @Jacqui……We’re sorry, but be careful here. If your ex is sticking to his initial decision to break up, then he is pretty set on what he wants or doesn’t want. What YOU don’t want is for it to devolve into a sexual relationship. (FWB or Hooking Up) You also don’t want to get stuck in an emotional holding pattern. If he’s not going to step up to the plate and get back together, you might want to think about cutting ties and moving on, as hard as that may be. It doesn’t sound like being friends is what you want, and we don’t think it’s working for you. Or him. Thoughts?

  7. Jacqui // May 2, 2017 at 8:27 pm //

    It definitely is hard and I know we can work on being back together but at the moment it sounds like it is only me who wants this. He says he doesn’t care if I’m talking to other guys on tinder because he’s talking to other girls as well… but at the same time he did express that he didn’t want me speaking or seeing other guys. I’m just honestly confused and want him back… just so lost on what to do and what is happening. Thanks for replying!

  8. @Jacqui……Hang in there. FYI: Guys can be territorial even when they’ve broken up with a woman. Example: He wants to talk to other girls but he doesn’t you to do the same. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to get back together…….We are sorry. Hopefully he’ll wake up and realize that he does want to get back together. You take care. Keep us posted. And thanks for spreading the word about our site.

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