He cheated; should I break up with him?

Hey Guys,

My boyfriend and I will be together officially two years in October. But we have had a lot of ups and downs starting with his flirting with females. I know guys flirt but I feel like he takes things too far especially when sex comes up. Sometimes he tells women that we are broken up when we are not. Well after confronting him about a situation with a chick he had sent a Facebook message to about going out to dinner he actually confessed to cheating with another female. (Somebody he met over the summer. He let her do a sexual favor on him and it hurt so much.) I packed my bags to leave but instead tried to sit and talk it out.

What should be done at this point? I love him


Dear Lisa,

Thanks for your question. We’re sorry. Betrayal is painful.

You may love him, but the more important question is, do you trust him? Or rather, do you think you’ll ever be able to trust him again? It’s not like this is the first time he’s been deceitful. This has been a pattern of behavior since you started dating. And it’s likely this is not the only time he’s cheated. (This is the only time you know about.)

Cheating is the worst sort of betrayal, and the fact that he’s been exhibiting this kind of behavior since the beginning of your relationship doesn’t bode well for the future. Changing behavior is not easy. He has to be committed to change and then take steps to doing it. Telling you he’s changed isn’t enough. He’s got to show you. How? He should probably start seeing a professional—counselor and/or therapist—to talk about why he feels the need to cheat. And then do everything in his power to make this right, if that’s even possible. He’s got to stop the excessive flirting and make you feel like you’re THE ONE. Otherwise, you’re in for a miserable ride.

We hope you’re able to work through this. However, be careful not to compromise who you are to be with this guy. Don’t settle. You deserve to be with someone who respects you, and someone who is committed and trustworthy. Ask yourself if you really think you can build a life with this guy.

Feel free to ask as many follow up questions as you’d like. Or leave us a response in the comments’ section below. And if you’d like to donate to THE GUYS, no donation is too small or too big. Use PayPal button on the right side of any page on our site.

Take care,


Other questions about cheating: 

Cheating Part 1: Three guys on cheating

Cheating Part 2: I was Tiger

Cheating Part 3: Inner Child

Is cheating ex playing me?

Possible porn addict

Help; can my guy change from his cheating past?

Cheating boyfriend; how do I know it won’t happen again? 

My boyfriend is on dating sites; is he cheating? 

20 Comments on He cheated; should I break up with him?

  1. Hi – My boyfriend of three years is deployed and found him cheating on Facebook with another Army soldier (woman, of course). I seriously hate social media sites. Anyway, I snooped (ugh, i know!), but I really did not expect to find anything, and then low and behold there was private messages from a girl I never heard of. I opened it and at first the most recent messages were very causal, about Army stuff, but then as I got into the past messages, there were messages alluding to sex. I am pretty sure my heart fell out of my chest when I read, “does she know you cheated” and he responded “no she doesn’t and I don’t think I can do it again because I respect her too much. I was thinking selfishly.” So this may have made me feel better except they continued to talk for two months. The next couple months did contain lots of small talk, but sporadic moments of talking about things that you would not want your boyfriend talking about with another woman.

    I am confused because not a day went by where we didn’t talk about our future and how much we love each other. How we want to buy a house, have kids and grow old together. In his Facebook messages I also found ones written to my mom asking for my hand in marriage. Another one to his friend about how he is going to pop the question when he gets home. All the while he is talking and doing things with another woman? My heart is broken, but I do feel like there is truth behind his words when he says he loves me more than anything and I mean the world to him. Is it possible he was weak and in a war zone and this is something I should forgive? (I guess I can mention at this point that he was also hit by an IED and received a purple heart, but evaluated that he was still able to work and finish his tour).

    When confronted, he denies anything happened and says it is only words on Facebook (but how do I believe this when what I read is completely contradicting?). I asked him a million times over the last week to just be honest and that it would be easier to forgive him if he told the truth, but he is standing strong… “Nothing happened,” “I never touched her,” “Why would I ruin what we have,” “I love you too much to cheat on you,” blah, blah, blah. He writes me long emails about how much he loves me, wants to be with me forever, and does not want to lose me.

    I feel so hurt and since we are not even married, how could a marriage even work at this point? I wake up most days thinking I can give him a second chance and once he is home everything will be better and our relationship is only falling apart because of this deployment (and weakness on his part). But then as the day goes on, I get so angry about what I read and feel so betrayed. What should I do?

    Please, some body, I need the best advice. I do not think I want our relationship to end and he will be home in 5 weeks.

  2. @Confused…..We’re sorry. We’re on the same page as you. What’s most troubling—well it’s all a little troubling—is the fact that he denies everything. Our sense is you might be able to forgive him after a time—and possibly with couple’s counseling, etc—if he’d just “man up” and be honest with you. It’s striking how brave he is from a physical standpoint—his deployment and purple heart—but then he’s scared to speak the truth to you. Why? Because he still thinks you’ll leave him if he tells you everything. What he doesn’t realize is that he’s creating the very scenario he fears the most. So your job is to be very clear with him. Say something like, “Yes, this is really hard for both of us. But if I can’t get the truth from you I don’t know if I can get past this. And the fact that you keep telling me nothing happened when all evidence supports the opposite only tells me you’re hiding other things as well.” However, here’s the thing Confused. We think you need to wait the five weeks until he returns before you get into this. It will be difficult for him to lie to you face-to-face. And you’ll be able to read him much better as well. For now, we’d suggest being cordial, and letting him know there’s much to discuss when he returns. We understand you want to solve this right now, but you’re not going to get the answers you’re looking for doing it long distance. What do you think of this approach? Hope it helps. Please ask as many follow up questions as you’d like and keep us posted. ps. One favor. Please share our site with friends and family. We appreciate it. Thanks. Look for our relaunch next weekend.

  3. Yes, it is very disheartening and my heart is breaking more every day. I definitely already did the whole… “honesty is the only way I can get through this because I know what I read and I know you are not telling the truth.” He stills denies, denies, denies. And says he loves me more than anything and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, etc, etc. He swears he is telling the truth and he even is saying he let his friend use his account to talk to this girl, too, which would make me feel better except not once in the conversation I read did it say “hey this is ….” to change persons. I agree with you guys and determined that he is lying and scared to admit the truth because he thinks I will be gone. Honestly, I don’t know what to do and I wish there was some way to make it all better. I honestl thought I had a great guy and never even thought about him cheating over seas. I thought all the pressure was on me being state side and all. Is there anyway you think he could be telling the truth? Or Is there anyway a person can cheat but truly love who is back home waiting for them and temptation just got the best of him being under such stressful conditions and practically in another world? Sigh. Still confused as ever! And yes, of course I will share the site! Thank you.

  4. @Confused……The answer to both of your questions is yes. Yes, there is a way he could be telling the truth. And in some ways the only thing that matters is what you believe. Right? Meaning, if you choose to believe he’s telling the truth, then he is. (Do you get what we mean here?) Much of this is about faith because even if he cheated, it might be something you never really know, so it all comes down to you. As per your second question. Absolutely. Guys easily compartmentalize sex and love. A guy could love his girlfriend or even wife and still want to sleep with many different women. Of course, not all men act on this impulse, but it certainly is there. Add to that, the stress of his work, the fact that he’s far away, and yes, it’s possible he could cheat and still love you. That doesn’t mean it’s right, but it is possible. We wish we could solve this issue for you, but hopefully this helps a little. Hang in there and definitely keep us posted. Let us know if we can help, or answer more questions. Take care.

  5. Hello again, I am actually curious about what you mean by “if I choose to believe.” I feel like my heart wants to believe, but my intellect is just like.. “WTF!”… As of right now I do not know what I believe! He is standing strong… Also, I know I really do have to wait and see what happens once he is home and we are together again… Unfortunately, I am the kind of person who is being consumed by this kind of thing. I am crying one minute and cursing him, then the next minute I am excited for him to be home, safe, with me, and thinking love will conquer. So it has been a very slow two weeks and I just pray the next three go faster. I really do love him. And despite all that has been going on, I do believe in his words and that he loves me. I just do not want to be a “doormat” so to speak. UGH. Any words of wisdom??

  6. @Confused….What we mean is that if he keeps denying it, even though you suspect he’s cheated, you have a choice to make. You can either choose to believe him or choose not to. Our only words of wisdom are take it day by day. You’ll have a much better sense of what’s going on when he’s with you in the flesh. But trust your gut on this. Love without trust doesn’t go very far. Hopefully, the two of you will be able to move on from this. (Whatever this is.) We wish you the best. Take care and keep in touch. Ask another question anytime.

  7. Heartbroken // November 6, 2012 at 11:34 am //

    Dear one of the guys

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and although when we first started dating it was ruff (always fighting and bickering) we’ve now been living together for 6 months and even just bought our first house…I thought everything was perfect until a week ago I logged into his AIM account and stupid me started to snoop..there has always been this girl that he talks to but I never really suspected anything until I read his chat logs…He was saying things to her that he doesnt even say to me and he never even mentioned to her that he’s dating me (if he did he said were just friends or I was into other people!)…so after feeling crushed I gathered my thoughts and contacted her I asked woman to woman how many times they got together and she said 2 times and last year in December..She felt awful because he never mentioned he had a girlfriend (and theyve known eachother since highschool) and even the other day they talked and he said he just bought a house and is living alone…what I dont get is he starts this life with me and always preaches about honesty but he hasnt even been honest with me. I feel like the past two years has been a lie and I dont even know how to confront him about it because I love him so much and I dont want things to change..I’ve already forgiven him for cheating on me in my mind. Although I dont know if I can trust him for awhile I just want to know why I’m not so important that you cant even mention that were still together or even living together.


  8. @Heartbroken……You can’t sweep this under the carpet. This is a serious betrayal. Do you think it will stop here? If you let it go, it will just happen again and again. Your guy was living two lives. That’s a serious issue. Now, it is possible to work through this, but only if he’s seriously remorseful, and committed to making changes to his behavior. (Seeing a therapist, couples counseling, whatever.) Don’t settle even though it’s really hard. By ignoring this now, you’re creating a situation that will only be worse later. Something to understand: This type of behavior is not easy to change. Typically people who do this sort of thing, do it repeatedly. We’re not saying he can’t change, but it will be a long journey. When you get some more info, come back and fill us in, and ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. Take care of yourself.

  9. Heartbroken // November 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm //

    Thanks so much I will deff keep you guys posted..but heres the thing I dont know how to confront him I dont want to argue about it I just want to let him know that I know what he did and it was wrong. I want to make sure that I’m as important as he says I am. I also dont want him to make me feel bad for snooping I already feel bad about that it was wrong.

  10. @Heartbroken…..Okay, so you snooped. Clearly you had a reason to or you wouldn’t have. And here’s our rule: If you snoop, and find the evidence you were looking for, you’re kind of off the hook. That’s why people hire private investigators. These people are suspicious so they hire someone to snoop. Same idea. If the Private Investigator finds damning evidence, it’s not like the guilty party can somehow reverse things. Same here. You could always write him a hand-written letter and leave it for him. And then say in the letter you want to talk about this. It will give him some time to think, possibly cool down, etc. What do you think? Trust your instincts. You know better than us how to handle this. Just don’t ignore it. Keep us posted and good luck. We’re pulling for you.

  11. Heartbroken // November 9, 2012 at 12:28 am //

    So I took your advice and wrote a letter two infact. I couldn’t even give it to him but tonight we were talking and I decided to bring it up finally. It involved a lot of crying but my questions were answered turns out my suspicions were true for the most part except he couldn’t even have sex with her because he couldn’t get it up ( happens when he’s nervous) and felt wrong for doing it. but there was kissing involved he says he was testing himself to see if he really felt what he felt for me. He also said if you didn’t notice after that all conversations really stopped with her. I feel a little better that I confronted him but still hurt but I feel like we both have invested far to much time in each other and this relationship to just give it up so we are going to take it one day at a time. Thanks again for your advice it really helped out and if you have anymore regarding the latest news I’m all ears.


  12. @Heartbroken……This is a good start. (Good for you for having the strength to do it. Not an easy thing to do.) Now that the issue is out on the table you’ve got to keep talking. We suggest seeing a couple’s counselor to facilitate this conversation. (He should be willing) You need to talk a lot more about your feelings and what you need from a relationship. (Trust, security, respect, love.) He needs to be able to talk about what he was going through and why he did what he did. And then the two of you need to start figuring out a plan for the present and future. Meaning, how do you deal with today, but then move forward together? How do you get past this betrayal? And what can he do to reassure you that this won’t happen again? You’re at the very beginning of the rebuilding process, but at least you broke ground, which is a positive step forward. Keep us posted and hang in there.

  13. Dear guys,

    I am not even sure if this is the right place to ask you such question as the one i am about to ask. I apologize if it isnt. I’d like to begin by saying that im 18 years old in college, i work, live with my parents and have a wonderful/amazing 22 year old boyfriend whom ive been with for 1 year and 6 months. That guy has had to go through a lot with my parents (since they are strict) in order to be with me. We met at my job (a grocery store where he also works). We never before talked until one day he added me on facebook, started chatting me, and next thing you know, i was romantically involved with him. I made sure he knew about my strict parents and that it wasnt going to be easy, but he accepted the challenge. He went to my house, presented himself to my parents and got accepted. We were not allowed to be alone in any context of the word, and much less to go out together.If he wanted to go out, he also had to bring my mom with him, and so he did (just for the sake of going out with). Many times, my parents found themselves in very bad economic situations and he always helped us out without any interest. He always buys us presents (and he is VERY far from being rich. he’s just generous) on special ocassions such as mother’s day, father’s day, Christmas, birthdays, etc. His family is wonderful and both of our families like each other. Everyone that knows him (such as people at my job since they have known him longer than me) is always telling me how wonderful he is and how his ex (she used to work there too as a cashier but left. And he had a bad experience with her) would flirt and cheat on him almost on his face, and would tell me how different i am (im very respected and respectful) from her. Everyone i know considers me to be a decent young lady that doesnt smoke drink or have any bad habits (my boyfriend doesnt either) and everyone thinks we make a perfect couple. By the way, our relationship isnt perfect. We do have our fights once in a while, or sometimes often, but they are over stupid things, !
    and even
    tually get over it. I mean, nobody and no relationship is perfect. I was previously a virgin, but lost my virginity about 5 months ago with him. Eventually, my boyfriend had gained my parents’ trust in order to let us our alone and trust us. We arent made of stone, we have feelings and get sexually aroused too! So, one night, what had to happen, happened. Now, here comes what actually involves my question. When i was in 11th grade, i met a guy whom i liked from the first time i saw him…while everyone else thought he was ugly, cocky and what not, i saw something beyond that. I added him on facebook and began to stalk him, and i think i found out more in a year than the CIA could have found out their entire lives. I learned his birth date, his descent, VISUALLY met his family through pictures on facebook, and began chatting him. He also known as a player and cocky person. But i knew he wasnt that way because he was born that way, that something must have happened to him in order to become that way. I found out his parents got divorced at a young age and that he missed his dad, that he felt lonely and was often alone cuz his mom worked all day, that he played guitar and throughout his music and song lyrics that he would compose himself, he would express his pain and feelings. I also found out he was very heart broken by a girlfriend he once had that played him, which made him turn into the kind of person people said he was. So, as we began chatting on facebook, we met each other a little more (before knowing my boyfriend) and he proposed to me to get “hooked up” or, as they call it “friends with benefits.” Except that no sex would be included, unless i let him go that far, but i guess for now he just wanted someone to play games with. So, i accepted. We agreed to meet up, all we did was kiss and touch, but nothing else. I felt so bad and whory, that i never did it again, and told him to forget about it. Then, i met my boyfriend and became his girlfriend, and even though i liked my boyfriend, i still felt!
    ng (which i think is more like attraction) for him. In 12th grade, i had already been with my boyfriend for a year, and almost forgot about “that guy” but turned out we had a few classes together, which kept me thinking about him. I was aware of the wonderful boyfriend i had, yet still wondered about this guy (and kept stalking him on facebook) who didnt deserve my attention. He started talking to me and since the whole school practically was mean to him for being the way he was, i felt bad and didnt want to be mean and make him feel even MORE lonely than he already did. So, i did talk to him. Eventually, days passed by, and i maintained my posture, but my intrigues and curiosity, and liking for that guy increased, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I HAD A WONDERFUL BOYFRIEND. That guy, then, started flirting with me, and i followed him. He asked me if i thought he was cute (after telling me that i was cute and confessing that he still was attracted to me) and i answered “yes, me too.” I think that was the worst mistake of my life. After that, i promised myself not to talk to him again. I felt guilty and bad, for doing that to my boyfriend. Anyways, every time that guy would talk to me, i always felt bad, so i never rejected him, and since i “liked him” i would always fall into the temptation of flirting. One day, he told me to go meet him up at a place to talk. I did, and when i got there, he hugged me. Then, we started talking, he got close to me and tried kissing me, i rejected him, and tried SOOO bad not to do it, until i fell into temptation. After that, we just went a little crazy kissing, and touching each other a little and stuff and after that, we left normally back to school. I didnt know how to feel after that. I was still in shock that i had just CHEATED on my boyfriend. Short after i REALIZED what i had done, i started crying in my bed, and asking myself many times WHY, why!!! What reason did i have to do such a horrible thing as to cheat on my amazing boyfriend?? I felt as a whore, as a horrible perso!
    n withou
    t morals or values and that guy probably thought the same thing about me. Later on, i decided to stop talking to that guy out of the blue. He would actually come and lay his head on my leg, or sit with me at the bus, and try to talk to me and actually even offered to be my boyfriend, and i kept saying no and rejecting him, until he got tired and we never talked again. Not even on graduation. He was leaving to Hamilton College (another thing that attracted me was how smart he was) short after high school, so i wasnt going to see him again. Which made me a little sad but happy at the same time. Sad that…….i dont even know why, thts just how i felt. And happy that i was going to forget about him and never see him, and finally be able to concentrate and be happy with my boyfriend. By the way, i forgot to mention that i felt so bad for what i did, that when i saw my boyfriend after that, i burst out in tears, but lied to him. I said that a guy at school that apparently liked me that grabbed me and kissed me. That i had pushed away, and nothing else had happened. My boyfriend became angry and jealous, and left my house. He took SOMETHING like that (which didnt seem to be my fault) so serious and dramatically, that he left and didnt talk to me for 4 days. Later on he came back and apologized. So, you guys can imagine how he would have taken it if i would have told him that i cheated on him. I thought about it, but didnt want to lose him. Since then, and after high school, there is no more “that guy” and there is more “my boyfriend” who keeps on demonstrating with facts (not materialistic things)how much he loves me. And i swear if i lose him, i would cry myself to sleep every night. Just from thinking about it makes me sad. And i am a jealous girlfriend (even though he behaves well most of the time) and a little insecure at times. I guess i dont want him to do to me what i did to him. Ever since that happened, that guy blocked me on facebook, yet i still log into a friend’s account (who has him as a friend)!
    and EVE
    N NOW, i continue to “keep track” of what he does in Hamilton and when he comes back home to visit. And sometimes i keep the hope that one day ill see him again, and daydream about how i would run away if something like that happened, haha. I know all of this sounds crazy, confusing, and like a teenager who doesnt know what she wants, but i do feel bad about the things ive done. And every time my boyfriend proves to me how much he loves me, the badder i feel about my stupid mistake. I agonize and often think about how stupid i was to do that, and how much it has cost me. I barely ever feel at peace with myself. I feel bad, whory and guilty. Please give me advice. Am i right to feel this way? Should i just keep quiet and never do it again? I dont know what to do.



  14. @Katy……We know you feel awful about this, but try not to beat yourself up over it. You made a mistake and you’re trying to work through it. We’ll get to that in a bit. In our minds this is a classic case of “good guy” vs. “bad boy.” It seems most women want some sort of combination of the two, and you may be part of the majority. Here’s our take on what you shared: You talk about how wonderful your boyfriend is and how good he is, but you really don’t talk about how in love you are with him. (We’re not saying you’re not, but this is how you describe him: He’s such a great guy.) On the other hand, you talk about how exciting this other guy is and how cute and how attracted you are to him. It seems he has some things your boyfriend doesn’t. Instead of acknowledging that and trying to understand it, you keep fighting it, and then beating yourself up over it. So the question is: Are you truly in love with your boyfriend? He may be wonderful in many ways, but is he really the right guy for you? We’re just asking the question. Sometimes the “right” guy isn’t the perfect guy. (And we’re definitely not saying this other guy is. ) But we are saying he represents something that you want and can’t have with your boyfriend. Does this make sense or resonate with you? Back to your cheating….Yes, it was wrong, and you’re right, your boyfriend will be devastated if he finds out, and he’ll probably break up with you, but we first think you need to take a hard look at WHY you cheated in the first place. That shouldn’t be ignored. It just seems like you’re suppressing some feelings. And we hate to even say it, but you are young to be committing to someone for life. What are your thoughts? We’d like to hear them. And ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Spread the word on Facebook and Twitter. @TGPBuzz. Please take a moment to help a fellow reader. VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks

  15. Something similar to this happened to me also through fb. Idk what to do
    My now x and I had been together for 7 months dated for 3 prior. Everything had been fine no arguing no nothing i had no concers of our relationship till last wk when I saw a message from him to a girl telling her that he likes her, that he wants to go party and drink w her, he might go to her city for a friends birthday if she has someone for him, and called her by a few nicknames. The moment i saw it i just broke down grabbed my stuff and walked out. we discussed it for a little all he could come up with is that it was a stupid mistake, it was meaningless, it wasnt going to lead to anything, and that he wasnt going to act upon it. that just doesnt make sense to me. Also when we first started dating he flirted with a woman infront of me not acceptable i let it go being that this is his first actual relationship were he is willing to change and what not. Yet i see that message of him with this female full on flirting. As of right now i do not trust him. I broke things off im too afraid that he will flirt again and this time be physical if he wasnt able to see that what he did is wrong. I have nothing to say to him yes i do care and love him but i just dont know i can’t keep forgiving him every time he makes a mistake only because hes knew at this its commen sense. he also tried to turn it to me and what i’ve done but i never flirted with anyone or anything and when i would speak to any guys or txt he knew about it. if it wasnt for my female intuition and noticing his body language i would of never known about that message. For the moment i think im better of alone i dont trust him. what do u sugest i do? i just dont know. help?

    and also my other issue is that with the break up I saw a guy i use to talk to before the x. When i saw him he didnt cross the line no nothing. He told me the ball was in my court he didnt expect anything we could just talk drive around or whatever i needed to do he was there for me not knowing that i had broken up with my bf (now x). he parked and we just started talking he asked me what was wrong since i was with him and havent seen him for over 10 months. He listened to me talk about my x not in detail very vague i said as much as i could. He gave me advice to listen to my gutt also telling me that i’ll get back with him which idk. We changed the subject and somehow it went back to when we used to talk. He told me that i never gave him the time a day besides late night calls and sex. I didnt make an effort to see him which i thought i did. He filled me in on his life which he wouldnt when i asked back then. I learned hes dating a female also nothing major. I held on to him arm nothing more to be honest i felt safe, comfortable, i wanted nothing more but just hold on to him shouldn’t this have felt weird after a break up?? We kissed and still seem to have the same effect on each other. Since then I’ve “slept” with him and it was passionate didnt feel like just sex. during sex he tells me how much hes missed me stopping me in my tracks he shocked the crap out of me. In the back of my mind i kinda missed him also i would think of him sometimes but pushed it aside. I spent hrs with him and felt like how come he couldnt do this back then. Before we went our seperate ways we had this long hug and he told me hes there for me whenever i need him. I dont regret anything i did. Im just more comfused. I dont know what to make of it better said how to wrap my head around the break up and the confession from these men. any advice, words anything will help

  16. @Angie……As per your ex. We’re sorry. We can see why you don’t trust him. And if your gut is telling you to move on, then that’s what you should listen to. But in a way, it almost doesn’t matter what he’s doing. What matters is how you feel about him and what he’s doing. Let’s say he’s just flirting with this girl, but you just don’t believe that; then it doesn’t matter if he says it was innocent talk. What matters is that the way he behaves bothers you and causes you to question him. We’re not going to tell you what to do, but you don’t seem like the kind of gal that’s comfortable in a relationship like that. And we agree, trust is everything. Does this make sense? Thoughts? As per this other guy. Why is he kissing you and sleeping with you when he still has a girlfriend? Maybe it’s not anything major but we bet she thinks it’s exclusive. Isn’t that also cheating? What makes you think you could trust him if he’s doing that with you now? What do you think? Something to ponder. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter; @TGPBuzz. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on the Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  17. My boyfriend cheated on my overseas (booked the trip with a good guy friend before he met me). Apparently he was wasted when it happens and is asking for forgiveness. Before he went overseas we were just ‘seeing’ each other, but he committed to me before he left. I never put pressure on him to do so, but he did. He also said he would never cheat because he never wanted to compromise us. I thought since he had not had a girlfriend for about 5 years he’d had plenty of time to be single and hook-up with other girls, which he did, but obviously not. Should I stay with him and do you think a situation like that is not acceptable, but something that ‘can’ happen.

  18. @Sarah……Anything can happen at any time. If you’ve read any of the other comments/questions, you’ll see that we can’t and won’t tell you what to do. But we will say this is as much about you’re ability to forgive as his ability to be remorseful and change. Do you think you can trust him again? However, the fact that this happened right at the beginning of your committed relationship is not very promising. That is usually the time where a guy is most committed and excited to be with someone new. Instead he goes on a trip and messes around with someone else. He doesn’t seem like a guy who’s at all ready to be in a relationship. Thoughts? ps. Thanks for sharing our site with all of your friends. We appreciate it! Take a moment to help a fellow reader and VOTE on our Ask our Audience page.

  19. penelope // July 10, 2013 at 11:36 am //

    Hi I’m new I don’t know where to ask this or what catergory it fits in. So this girl told me she used to send my bf naked pics of her and I didn’t believe it bc she’s nasty and not his type. Next girl said on his fb why don’t you call me anymore? I said to her bc he’s with me. She said to me oh we had sex all the time. I ignored her bc she’s nasty. Okay so then this other girl add/deletes him on fb and I said who’s this? He said I don’t know her. I said okay soi asked her and she said oh I been trying to get in touch with him bc my ex went to school with him and doesn’t have a fb. So my bf said oh yea I remember her we met like once or twice but her bf is bad news bc he beat ppl up n this n that. So we deleted our facebooks later on bc not many ppl were talking to us. So I had a instinct one night to look through my man’s phone and I found 2 naked pictures of him. He said he was glamorizing himself and we fought over it. He said I violated his privacy blah blah blah. Okay so then like 2 months later I’m cleaning my car and I find a hotel reciept and he said it was thrown in the back and it was mailed to the house because its his dads. They have the same name. How is this possible when hotels require I.d. and a credit card? But the reciept says they paid with cash. Okay last Friday a message on his phone popped up saying are you in for lunch today? And it was on his internet because we have cricket broadband sometimes txt msgs from his phone go to the comp. I called him and said who’s this number? He said I don’t fucking know. Why r u calling me at work and asking me? And I said I’m just asking. But he’s usually angry anyways..So then I looked 2 days later because I had a bad feeling and I found some girl and him having a conversation bout how they are going to meet in a hotel to have sex. Okay so he’s saying I’m wrong bc I violated his privacy for looking in his phone and I don’t trust him and he can’t be with me bc I don’t trust him and I broke an oath. So now I’m trying to make him admit it and he won’t admit nothing! Even when I read the email word for word to him. So then I emailed the girl and she won’t respond to me..and we been dating for almost 3 yrs. We have sex for like 2 hrs and he’s always satisfied so I don’t know why he would do this? From the dates of the email it looks like it was a few months ago..and he doesn’t really go anywhere not to mention he’s using my car! So why the fuck would he do this? Plus he messaged another girl saying he’s taking a nap and he will talk to her later all while I’m at work. And like he thinks someone hacked his account and messaged this girl. He knows this girl bc she’s his former classmates ex. So why would someone do that? What bout the hotel reciept? I mean am I going crazy or is he cheating? I can’t take this drama anymore…

  20. @Penelope…..We’re sorry. This is a mess. Your guy is not being honest with you. And he’s trying to turn it around on you to cover his tracks. Relationships that luck trust usually end. This relationship may have run its course.

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