My boyfriend told me when we got together over a year ago that if I ever felt I needed to read his messages on his phone that I could, anytime. So a few nights ago we were laying in bed and I asked him if I could read a few of his messages. He asked me to hand him his phone and so I did. Then he erased all the messages that I asked to read and told me that my request was disrespectful.
I think he is hiding something.
You have a much bigger issue going on than the messages on his phone. Trust. Or, lack of trust. The fact that you feel the need to check his phone should tell you that trust is lacking in your relationship. So why is that? What is he doing to make you feel suspicious? Has he done something in the past? Or do you have a difficult time trusting people in general? We suggest you start addressing some of these questions if you truly want this relationship to continue moving forward. Once these types of trust issues come up Rebecca, they keep coming up unless the two people start talking about them, and come to some sort of understanding, or some sort of plan.
But yes, based on his behavior—there’s no need to erase messages if you’re not guilty—it’s likely he’s hiding something. We don’t know exactly what that is, but we can guess, the same as you.
That said, we can see his point of view too. But, if he had nothing to hide, what he should have done was given you his phone, let you see his messages—only because he agreed to originally—and then tell you he felt disrespected and hurt because you didn’t trust him. That would have likely initiated a heart-to-heart conversation about your relationship, which we’re sure you would have welcomed.
We wish you all the best in working this out. But remember to trust your gut. The last thing you want is to be in a relationship with someone you feel you can’t trust.
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