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He hasn’t told his parents about us

Read more Relationship Advice and Dating Advice about guys hiding relationships. 

Dear Guys,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for six months now. We’re both in our first year at university and he still lives at home. He’s met my parents and comes over regularly for supper and family game night. I’m his first girlfriend and I know he has a good relationship with his parents so I can’t figure out why he hasn’t said a thing. When I ask him about it all he says is that they’ve never asked if he has a girlfriend so he’s never said anything. I know he loves me but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable with the fact that he doesn’t feel the need to even mention my existence. Should I be worried at all? Or is there anything I could say to get him to understand where I’m coming from?

Simone

Dear Simone,

You’ve probably read some of our posts about guys hiding their relationships. Typically, when a guy is in love with a woman he wants to tell the world about her. He wants everyone to know she’s his, as a way of making himself look good, and as a way of keeping competitors at bay. When he feels the need to hide the relationship, something isn’t working for him. It could be something internal: He’s embarrassed, or not that into the woman. Or it could be something external: His family wouldn’t approve.

That said, we don’t get the sense he’s hiding your relationship from his parents. He may be close with them, but that doesn’t mean he tells them everything, especially about his dating and love life, and especially if you are his first girlfriend. (And they might not even think to ask.) It’s also possible he’s worried they’ll think you’re a distraction from his school work, so he’s not bringing up the topic with them.

The bigger issue we see is that he doesn’t understand your point of view. Maybe you have a reason for concern, maybe you don’t. But you do feel uncomfortable and he needs to acknowledge that and try to work with you to resolve this. The fact that he’s brushing this under the rug is the bigger issue.

Maybe a good place to start is to ask him if there’s another reason he might not be telling his parents. Maybe offer some examples. Would they not approve of the relationship? Is it school related? Give him a chance to explain further before you start telling him your point of view. However, we do think he needs to understand why this is bothering you. And by talking with him, it’s possible you might realize that it doesn’t bother you as much as you thought. Either way, keep us posted.

If you have any follow-up questions/thoughts, please leave them in the comments’ section below. You must be Logged In to do so.

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll share our site with your friends at the university. Thanks!

 

 

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