So I’ve dated this guy for a while now, and it’s been a known fact between us that he doesn’t want anyone to know we’re dating. I was fine with it for a while but it started bothering me. I try to get into conversations with him about it and ask him why he doesn’t want anyone to know, but he never really answers, he just changes the subject. I know I might just be acting sensitive but it kind of feels like he’s ashamed of being my boyfriend which hurts. I’ve asked my friends and they constantly say break up with him, while others say he’s just being protective. I doubt the latter since when his friends or other guys flirt with me, he just stands there and acts like it’s not happening. Why does he act the way he does and should I break up with him?
Thanks for writing. We haven’t seen this type of situation in a long time. We can see how this would be hurtful to you. We’re sorry.
Unfortunately we don’t have good news for you. We can’t think of any positive reason he would want to hide this relationship. When people are happy to be with someone they typically want to tell the world. Sure, sometimes people hide things from their parents if they know they might not approve, but they certainly wouldn’t hide it from their friends.
As far as him being protective, it’s unlikely. That really doesn’t make any sense to us. Protective from what? If he was being protective he would be acting completely the opposite. He would want EVERYONE to know because he’d be claiming his territory. If he was being protective he wouldn’t let you leave his side, and he wouldn’t want other guys to talk with you or interact with you. (That wouldn’t be good either.)
June, we like to give answers that help people figure things out for themselves, but we don’t see this relationship going anywhere, and frankly it doesn’t sound like it’s good for your self-esteem. You need to take care of yourself, and make sure the relationships you pick boost your self-esteem, and energize, and empower you, not make you feel worried and insecure.
We hope this helps you put things into perspective.
Good luck and keep us posted.
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