It’s our five month anniversary and my boyfriend and I are about to have a baby in nine days. I have multiple concerns about the relationship and whether or not it will last. So I will just make a list out of the concerns. Any advice or insight is highly appreciated!
1. He spends a lot of time on video games, one in particular. He seems to prefer spending his free time on that video game and talking to the people he has met on the game more so than he wishes to socialize with me. There have been times that I have woken up through the night and he is either talking to those people or on the game. I’ve tried talking to him about it and every time I’ve gotten the same result: he cuts back for the rest of that day and usually he is right back at it the very next day. I understand that he needs to unwind and have hobbies and such, and I respect that he doesn’t want to spend ALL of his free time with me. The main thing about this that gets to me is he has been ignoring me and basically telling me that the game is way more important to him than me and our son.
2. When he was with his ex, K, he made a Facebook status every on the day of their anniversary, and also about how amazing she was. He has only made two statuses about me, and they were made during the time period that we were “talking.” Neither of them mentioned my name. When I tried talking to him about this issue he just fed me a couple of excuses and closed the conversation. The reason why this is an issue is because it has been making me feel like if he had a choice he would go back to her and I’m not as good as she was. To this day he hasn’t made a single status about me nor does he tag me in anything.
3. He doesn’t make it a priority to formally introduce me to his friends or family; the only people he actually introduced me to was his mom, sister, brother, and step dad. When I met his Grandma and his other family members his mom was the one who introduced me to everyone while he sat on his video game. (Yes the same one mentioned before) I understand that it may just be that everyone he knows, knows who I am, but it still it is making me feel like I’m not important to him.
I’m sorry if I seem like I’m over-reacting, but these things are just a few that have been bugging me. I’ve talked to him about all of these issues and he basically ignores what I am saying. I love him and I care about him more so than I have any man before. I understand that some of these things may be done out of habit, but I’ve mentioned them more times than once. Please help.
Your man is overwhelmed with his life, and so he’s using video games as a distraction, an escape, a way to pretend that the choices he made are not actually happening. But they are. His life has changed dramatically, and in nine days, he’ll become a father, and that change will be the biggest change of his life. It sounds like he understands this on some level but he’s not ready to accept it. Which is why, for now, he’s choosing video games over you, and why he doesn’t introduce you to people, and why he may be looking for other ways to escape, that if he distances himself enough, maybe he can somehow make it all go away.
The issue you have, is that your man is not ready to be in a committed relationship, and nowhere near ready to become a father. Of course, he’s not alone, at least being overwhelmed. Becoming a father is an overwhelming experience for even the most mature man. But the issue you have is that your man is not mature and has a lot of growing up to do; and of course, at this point he’s not showing any signs that he’s willing to do that.
So what can you do?
Obviously the best case scenario is that he wakes up and realizes he’s exactly where he wants to be, with you, together as a family. But of course, it sounds as if he needs a little bit of a kick in the pants to see this. Unfortunately, this message should be delivered by someone other than you. His father for one would be best, or his stepdad, or best friend, someone who’s a bit more mature and can set him straight. Is there anyone like that who you can confide in and appeal for help?
Otherwise this falls on you to make him see the light. And from our experience, that usually isn’t the best scenario. You’ll be the nagging girlfriend who’s always busting his balls. That said, you won’t have a choice. You’ll need to sit him down—probably more than once—and lay it all on the table. That you love him and want him in your life, but you need to him to step up to the plate and started acting more responsibly, and start acting like he understands the reality of the situation. Basically he needs to become a man and get his act together and realize that no matter how much he ignores it, the situation isn’t going away.
One point about his ex. We don’t know the situation, or how this all unfolded, but understand that she represents freedom, a simpler life, an easier life. We’re not excusing him, just letting you know what he’s probably thinking.
We wish we could help more, but you have some challenges ahead, ones that you’re going to have to face head on. Remember this though. Your baby will become your priority as soon as he’s born. Hopefully your man will get on board, but if he doesn’t, don’t let the situation get in the way of taking care of your baby.
And by the way, congratulations from all of us here.
ps. We hope you’ll spread the word about us, and our site. Thanks!