He loves me but isn’t in love

Hello Guys,

So my boyfriend and I have been together for eight months now. I’m 20 & he is 23. He and I have been talking about moving in together for quite some time but he still hasn’t said he loves me. I admitted to him that I did, but he said he doesn’t. He said that he has love for me though. I don’t understand how he doesn’t love me but yet he is willing to live with me, constantly talk about our future, say that we are going to grow old together, get married, have kids, etc. Shouldn’t he love me before he says those things? Is he leading me on? Could you give me some advice on that?

Also, he is going on an annual guy’s trip within the next couple months. Both of his friends are single. He didn’t tell me he was planning any of this for awhile. I guess it is still a question where they are going. He says it’ll be for five days and that vie days really isn’t enough. When I told him I wasn’t really comfortable with this, he was quick to tell me to leave his house and that we were going to break up. But then we talked about it. I still don’t feel comfortable but I just let it go. Last year he went to Panama City for Spring break with one of the two friends that are going with him on a vacation this year. And there was pictures of them on the beach and he had three girls all over them kissing him on the cheek. It took him a long time to take those pictures off of Facebook and Instagram. This whole idea just makes me nervous. I would also like to hear your opinion on this too!

Thank you,

Brooke

Dear Brooke,

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. People love their children, their pets, their friends, their family. Being in love is how a person feels when they are in a romantic relationship with someone who rocks their world and who they don’t feel they can live without. For a guy, there’s usually a strong physical component as well.

You ask: Why is he talking about the future if he’s not in love with me?

He talks about the future because of three possible reasons.

1. He wants to be in love with you, and talking about the future is his way of convincing himself he is.

2. Talking about the future is a way to keep you in the fold, keep you invested, while he figures out what he wants.

3. It’s his way of getting his physical and emotional needs met while he’s off trying to pick up other women.

As per his guy trip…….

It’s not that guys shouldn’t go on boys only vacations, it’s just the way he’s going about it is not very considerate. He’s proceeding with no regard to how you feel. He’s not even willing to hear your opinion, and he even went so far as to threaten a break up. If he was in love with you, or cared about you the way he says he does, he wouldn’t be acting this way. He would be trying to understand why you feel insecure and then reassure you that you have nothing to worry about. (We understand why you’d feel insecure.) The way he’s behaving is a red-flag Brooke. You’re with a guy who wants the security of a girlfriend, but wants the freedom of being single.

Overall, he sounds like a young, immature guy who is trying to find himself. That’s all fine and good, but he’s dragging you along for the ride. You might want to give this some thought. Remember, don’t settle for a relationship that’s not a two-way street.

All the best,

THE GUYS

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