He’s back but is he into me?

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it here, or on our podcast. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Also please consider a small donation to help support the Guys. Click the Paypal button to the right. It does take a good amount of time to give thoughtful answers to your questions.

Please send us your photos. As soon as we get enough photos to create a fan section on the photo page we will.
Send to: advice@theguysperspective.com

Thanks so much.

Last week’s questions:

Long distance guy; is he worth it?

Can this grow into something more?

Friends with benefits

Long distance relationship-to college: Is this girl playing me?

He’s controlling and jealous; friends with the opposite sex(Read comments)

This week’s questions:

Confused by my marine

What is his problem?

Soon to be mom

How to start a long distance relationship?

Is this boy playing me?

Listen to our latest podcast:

Episode 35: Memorable moments from the first 34 episodes!

Dear Guys,

So I dated this guy for a few months. We both discussed a relationship being an option. He owns his own business and after a few months he told me he was just too busy for anything right now. He had been traveling a lot. Then I thought again that maybe he was just not that into.

A few months have passed again and now he’s starting IMing me online. He said we should cook dinner together soon and he also gave me a couple recipes. He said I’m going to expect dinner in exchange for these recipes one of these days. We’ve been talking online for the past couple weeks, but he hasn’t text me or called me yet. I’m a bit confused and being cautious with this because I don’t want to get hurt. I’m just laying low with everything and I guess waiting for him to make the moves again. Mostly because I don’t want him to feel pressured. Is he into me again or should I just not make anyhting of it?


Dear Karen,

Thanks for writing to us.

Typically if guys are really into the woman they are dating they don’t say they don’t have time for anything right now. They might say that BEFORE anything got going, if they were starting their own business, or maybe studying for some big exams, etc, But once a guy starts dating a woman, it’s unlikely they’d back out completely unless they were a bit unsure, or not that into it.

Our gut tells us he’s contacted you again because he’s either bored, lonely, or has a lull in his business so he’s looking for some company with benefits.

In general we don’t like to see this sort of inconsistent behavior. It is all about consistency, so we’d be cautious here. However, if you’re able to just have some fun it might be okay, but we don’t think he’s interested in anything more than that.

Good luck,



1 Comment on He’s back but is he into me?

  1. Hey I’m back! You guys have given me advice on a couple different occasions now, and it’s always been pretty much bang on 🙂 I’ve come a long way, I think, in my dating game.. just have a scenario for you, and basically a question about “initiating contact.”
    I met a guy online a while back and to be honest, planned on him fitting into the “online fun only” category. That being said, when we stopped communicating, I barely even noticed. Until a month later, when he started texting again and expressing interest in hanging out. Keep in mind, at this point we’ve talked about some pretty personal, fantasy type stuff. Anyway, of course real life isn’t going to be the same as online. We decided to hang out one night, and ended up just chatting for over 5 hours. Yay! The next day, he texted to ask how my day was going, and we met up again that night. No kissing, just hugs and a bit of a bum grab. Again the next day, he texted to see how my day was going. After that, we kept talking but his responses got a little shorter, and a lot further apart. At the point where he was answering with one word and not following up with any questions of his own, I asked him “you having a bad day or just don’t feel like talking anymore?” His response was “why would you say that?” I told him he wasn’t too talkative and I hoped he wasn’t having a bad day, he said he was just tired. My last message to him was to get some rest, and that I was going to a comedy club Saturday and would grab him a ticket if he wanted to come. No response, and nothing since then. I’d like to keep talking to him, but think he probably is just dating around and focusing on someone else, or something like that (which is totally fine). Is this a scenario where I should just leave it, and if he never contacts me again I’ll have my answer? I would rather not come across pathetic or desperate, but I would like to keep talking. And make out and stuff 😉

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

Maximum comment length is 1500 characters.