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He says I’m amazing; so why did he leave?

Read More: Relationship Advice and Dating Advice on Breakups

Dear Guys,

I was with my ex -boyfriend for a few months and it was amazing. He used to always take me out places and tell me he’s never felt like this about anyone else and would seem so happy. Then he went away for the weekend with his friends to party and didn’t text me until the Monday he got back. Afterwards he seemed hot and cold but insisted nothing happened. Then he became distant which caused us to argue. Eventually he broke up, saying, “I’m not doing this because I want to, I’m doing it because I don’t want the constant arguments.”

A week later I saw him out with friends and he came over to me drunk saying, “I loved you. I still do. Look at you. You’re too good for me. You can do so much better. You’re beautiful and I didn’t deserve you. I’ve missed you so much.”

But if he loved me why did he not stay to work it out ? And do you think he will come to his senses and realize he had a good girlfriend and give us a second chance? Or is what he said most likely just lies? I know he cares but I don’t get why he gave up. I would never have given up on me.

We spoke the next day and I said, “W’ed never have argued if you had just treated me good.” And he said, “I don’t want to treat you like anything. I want to do things for me.” But surely if he loved me he would want to do things for me too? I know he’s had personal problems recently which has bothered him a lot, but I don’t get what is going on in his head. I don’t know whether to wait around for him or just give up and slowly move on from him.

What do you guys think?

K

Dear K,

Thanks for your question. Hopefully we can shed some light on his behavior.

You don’t mention how old he is, but if we were to guess, we’d say he was a young guy. Which means, he’s probably nowhere near ready to settle down. In fact, he basically said those words to you. (“I want to do things for me.”)

We know this doesn’t make a lot of sense to you. You ask: If he thinks I’m so amazing, then why doesn’t he stay and try to work things out? Well, this is a timing issue. Men take longer to mature than women, physically and emotionally. Most guys, by the time they’re in their late 20s, early 30s, have had enough fun and made enough bad decisions that they’re finally ready to settle down. Some guys figure it out sooner, and then there are some guys who never seem to make the last hurdle into the adult world. And then there are the recently divorced guys looking for a way to make up for lost time.

Wherever your guys falls, one thing’s for sure, he has a long way to go and he knows it. He may come back to you for another try, but it’s very possible he’ll just leave again. Why? Because he just isn’t ready to settle into a serious relationship, even with a girl like you, who he thinks is beautiful and wonderful.

So what should you do? Well, that’s up to you. He may come around. It’s possible. But if he does, it will likely be a while before he feels completely comfortable being in a committed relationship. Overall, if you want to be with this man, you’re going to have to be very patient. And even then, there is no guarantee that it will work out.

We wish we could be more optimistic, but that’s how we see it.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks.

 

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