Last year I met this guy. And I just can’t get over him; I keep thinking about him and pondering over what happened between us. And it just won’t vanish – something is bugging me.
We met over a music project and he was really interested in me, that was clear. He texted me all the time, wanted to meet up, asked me out and was really kind to me. I wasn’t that interested to start off with—he probably liked the chase—but I gradually started to care and like him. When we were out one night he told me that he really Iiked me. We started hanging out and of course hooked up pretty fast; I couldn’t resist. Anyhow, he texted and was nice afterwards, but all of a sudden it just stopped. And I didn’t really get why he stopped contacting me so abruptly. (Because when I had been away he texted and said he missed me and stuff and then, boom, gone.)
Well, we met up a few times on my initiative but he wasn’t that attentive at all anymore. Which is fair enough, because he told me he didn’t want to commit right now and all that shit. So we hooked up again. I was really sad and he went back to his country.
Since he went back, he texts me a few times a month, asking me how I am doing, that he misses me and stuff. It is annoying because I keep thinking of him afterwards and it haunts me, you know. Then I write a bunch and we write a while, and then he’s gone for a while until the next time he writes. Why is he doing this?? I just don’t understand what his intentions are, and if he likes me or not. Why write these things and like my stuff on Facebook if he doesn’t do anything about it?
I just really like this guy and I have thought about him since he went away because of the texts. And questions keep popping up in my head. Please tell me what is going on and if I am sadly living in a fantasy where he will come to my country and be a gentleman.
Hi again. Thanks for your question.
This is classic guy behavior when a man lets his hormones lead the way rather than his head. (Especially in long distance situations.)
This is how it goes. His hormones are raging, causing his mind to race about you. This makes him chase you hard. All the while, the fantasy builds in his head about you and how it might be with you, on every level. You finally relent and he comes to visit. All is amazing for a short time. Then wham! His head clears and reality hits. His fantasy doesn’t match reality. This sudden clarity confuses him. (Yep, we know, that almost doesn’t make sense.) But now he’s seeing everything for the first time and he realizes that maybe this isn’t what he wanted. And then he backs away and disappears for a time, or feeds you some crap about it’s not you, it’s him.
So why is he still texting you?
But then the pattern repeats. He gets lonely after a short time. His hormones start raging again. And then he’s right back in it. Texting you. Keeping you close in case he decides he needs you.
We know. It doesn’t feel great to hear. But that’s our take on your situation. We’re sorry. And frankly, we don’t see him changing. But of course, you have to decide what you think.
If you do decide that you need to move on, you need to ask him nicely to stop contacting you. As long as he’s in touch, he’s got a stronghold on your heart.
Take care of yourself,
ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!