First of all you guys give awesome advice so I thought I’d give it a shot. So my boyfriend and I have been together for three years now; he’s 23 and I’m 24. At first we were just friends, then FWB, then we started seeing each other exclusively. Things between us have been great, besides a few little problems.
My main concern is that I sometimes feel like he treats me too much like a dude. I am not the most girly girl in the world, but I am definitely not a tomboy either. For much of our relationship he hasn’t bought me Christmas or anniversary gifts or anything like that. Last Christmas he got me a used PS3 cause mine broke and this Christmas he bought me a skateboard. In my opinion, they felt like the most not thoughtful and masculine gifts I could even think of. Do you guys think I am being too annoying or do I have the right to want to be treated like a normal girl?
When I treat him to dinner or get us a hotel, I dress up cute and give him enough heads up so he can dress up too. But with me, the few times he’ll take me out to eat or to the movies hell just pick me up from work and expect me to go with him looking all bummy and crazy. Is it me or can this be fixed? I don’t want to change him but I wish he would treat me like his girlfriend, not like a friend he has sex with!
Your boyfriend doesn’t realize how lucky he is. He’s with the cool chick, the woman with feminine sensibilities and guy interests. Wow, most guys would cut off a body part to have a young woman like you. The problem is that the ‘cool chick’ badge is fraught with issues, one being, that a guy might not able to see past it. Your boyfriend loves that you can hang with the guys, but that’s the problem. He’s not able to see that gaming or skateboarding are just activities you enjoy, rather than activities that define you. Does that make sense? You are much more complex and interesting than that but he doesn’t see it. In part because you haven’t showed him, but also because he’s young and immature. In title, you may be in an exclusive relationship, but the reality is, it sounds much more like a Friends with Benefits arrangement.
Time to take action. First off, maybe it’s time you shifted the activities you do together. Less guy stuff and more couple stuff. Movies. Theater. Dinner. Dancing. Hikes. Bike Rides. Beach. Second, it’s time for you to sit him down and talk to him. The direct approach. Guys usually mature later than women, so it’s possible he’s just clueless rather than aloof. You need to teach him what’s what, even if he gets annoyed at you. Actually, if you take the direct approach you’ll likely get the answer to all your questions. If he’s open to the conversation, and agrees that he needs to step it up and start treating you like the woman he adores, rather than a video game buddy, then our concerns are unfounded and your relationship will possibly move to a new level. However, if he’s snarky, or poo-poos your suggestion, or even gets angry and tries to shut down the conversation, then you’ll know that he sees you as someone fun to hang out with, have sex with, but not someone with long-term potential.
Risk is involved any time you push the envelope, but honestly, we’re of the mindset that answers are better than questions.
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