He was on online hook up sites; should I take him back?

Read More: Relationship Advice and Dating Advice on Dating Online

Hello Guys,

I was researching online simply trying to find answers and I wanted to see if anyone had similar experiences as mine. Basically, my boyfriend created online hookup accounts and talked to women and MEN looking for attention… Here is my story.

I am currently in my last year of high school. I’ve known this guy for about four years; we were best friends on and off throughout the years. About five months ago we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We had the picture perfect relationship and connected so well, except that we were both so busy over the summer with different jobs, and we only got to see each other on the weekends.

Before I continue let me fill you in a bit on him. He’s three years older than me and he’s been through a lot of traumatic events in his life, gang related, drug related and other. But he’s done well to work through his problems. I’ll continue.

As the summer wore on I was getting stressed out and became distant with him. I was short with him, rude even. We started fighting a lot, and finally I decided to break things off with him. I’m not sure why, but probably I wasn’t ready to settle down, and I was interested in other guys, or so I thought.

Turns out, I missed him so much I decided to go back to him. He was so good to me and we connected so well. So a few weeks later we went out to lunch and he let me use his phone to check on something and I pressed search and saw that he had been going to hookup sites for both women and men. I was in shock and confronted him. He initially denied it but later admitted that he had gone on but only for attention and to make himself feel better. He said he never met with any of these people. I believed him but was also confused about why he was talking with men. (I thought it might have something to do with traumatic events of his childhood.) He said he didn’t know, and that he wasn’t gay or bi-sexual and he was just curious and looking for attention. He was crying and swore he never hooked up with anyone.

I was so upset I broke things off with him again. I know he has suffered psychological trauma from his past, but the question is why would he do this to me? He said he would never do this again, that he is so ashamed of himself and we wants to seek a therapist, and a pastor about this. I never once ever thought he would do something like this to me. I don’t know what to do. Should I just never talk to him again? Or should I help him through this? He swore he isn’t gay or anything and it was strictly for attention. I dont know what to do. I love him so much that a part of me feels like I want him back. But I can’t because I am so beyond hurt and I feel betrayed and confused by all this… I did absolutely nothing to deserve this.

All I have ever done was be there for him and get him on track with his life. In my opinion I feel that he cheated on me. It may have not been physical, but certainly emotional. So now I’m all confused and don’t know what to do. What should I do? Move on? Take him back? Be there for him?

Name Withheld

Dear NW,

Thanks for your question.

Why does it have to be all or nothing? Clearly you’re both very busy in your own lives and both confused as to what you want exactly. Why do you need to jump into a heavy relationship? Wouldn’t it be easier to take a step back for a moment? Couldn’t you stay close friends for a bit, support one another as you both focus on your own lives, and then reassess your relationship at a later date? That way, you can delay any sort of big decision when both your heads are clearer. Making such a big decision now doesn’t seem prudent. You’re both too confused.

That said, you need to stop blaming him and acting like some sort of victim. Remember, you were the one that dumped him, right? And it sounds like you were broken up while he was doing these things. We don’t see that as cheating. That said, he might benefit from talking to a professional to help him sort out all the conflicting feelings he is having.

We understand you feel completely overwhelmed by this, but if you take a step back and assess the situation you’ll see that all is not lost between the two of you. What’s happening, is the physical aspect of your relationship is clouding the rest. If you remove that for a time, maybe the two of you can learn more about one another, and really understand what you’re getting into. And then, at some point, when your heads are clearer, and you’ve had time to assess what you really want, you can decide if you’d like to try again or not.

What do you think? Let us know if you have any other questions.

All the best,


ps. We hope you’ll tell your friends about our site. Thanks!

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