He won’t pursue me because his friend likes me: WHY?

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There’s this guy at my school who I like very much; he said he likes me as well. But his best friend likes me too, and this friend made him promise that he wouldn’t hit on me. Do I still have a chance with the guy I like?

It is very obvious that we like each other because we have pet names for each other. We exchange text messages when we’re not in school and we chat online every single night. The only problem is that we can’t be together because he says there are too many barriers.

This thing annoys me a lot, because his friend is deciding for both of us.

Please I need your help. I really want this to work


Dear Yang,

Thanks for your question.

We can see how this would be frustrating for you. In some ways it doesn’t make any sense, and in other ways it makes perfect sense.

Guys have an unwritten code which says, “We shall not hit on any woman our friends are into.” This is something men try to live by because the world has enough conflict as it is.

However, reasonable guys talk about things, especially friends. Your “guy” is trying to be a good friend by not pursuing you, but since you’ve made it clear you’re not interested in his friend, he needs to talk to his buddy and sort this out. If his friend is not cool about it, then your “guy” has two options.

1. He can pursue you regardless of what his friend wants and deal with the backlash. (It’s likely he might lose his friend.) But in our mind, there’s no reason to have a friend that is completely selfish and possessive.


2. He can continue to frustrate both of you by not taking your relationship to the next level.

(One other possibility. He’s using his friend as an excuse because he isn’t interested in a relationship with you. We’re just throwing this out there. You would know better than we would.)

So the question is: What should you do? Or is there anything you can do?

Certainly you can talk to your guy about how you’re feeling, but ultimately it’s up to him to work this all out. If he doesn’t, then it seems clear he’s not willing to risk anything to go out with you.

Good luck and keep us posted. Leave us a follow up comment.


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1 Comment on He won’t pursue me because his friend likes me: WHY?

  1. this guy will still pursue if he really likes you then if not .. then thats it … his likeness to you is not much as his loyalty to his bestfriend that can ruined their friendship…remember crazy little thing called love story? … anyway.. 5 years ago i was in the same track i like this guy but his friend likes me too so his friend courts me and it turned out NOTHING because i dont like his friend … and when i came back on that place last month ..the one who courted me made a confession … and here it is “he likes you too .. he did not even bother to tell to you his feelings because he knew that i like you ..” that day rains what if’s … what if he tell me ,what if we have a time , what if we have each otherand what if i make my own way for him to know my feelings … but its too late .. he is now married a month ago … so for you .. if you still have a chance to have this guy then make a move before its too late .. YOU DESERVES TO BE HAPPY

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