Help: Can my guy change from his cheating past?

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Dear Guys,

Do you think a guy that has cheated on all his past girlfriend can actually settle now to one girl? Do you think the same type of guy can actually fall in love after a year into a relationship?


Dear Katie,

Thanks for your good question.

This is a very difficult one to answer. We can’t read your guy’s mind and see the state of his heart so it’s hard to say what’s really going on with him.

Are people able to change? Yes they can. Can your guy change his cheating ways? It’s possible, but it won’t be easy for him. The problem isn’t the various women in his life, or their “inadequacies,” it’s him. If he’s not willing to take a hard look at why he’s doing what he’s doing, and then start taking steps to change, he’ll continue his ways, even if he’s on hiatus right now.

People cheat for a lot of different reasons: they feel entitled, they can, they feel empty inside, they don’t have a clear sense of what’s in front of them, and what’s at stake if they do cheat. We can’t say where your guy falls in the “why” spectrum, but if he’s been a serial cheater he falls under one of those headings.

Katie, the question is: do you trust your guy, and do YOU think he can change? We’re curious to know if he’s already given you pause to wonder? It sounds like maybe he has since you’ve written to us asking the question. If you decide to stay with him, but are constantly wondering whether he’s going to cheat, or when he’s going to cheat, that’s going to be quite hard on you. And it’s no way to live your life.

We can’t give you a general answer because there isn’t one. Each individual is different. People can change, but they have to want to themselves. Your answer starts with him.

Good luck and keep us posted. Please leave us a follow up comment.


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2 Comments on Help: Can my guy change from his cheating past?

  1. no. no. no.

    i once heard from a friend of a cheating guy that he would joke, “it gets easier the second time and the time after that.”

    sorry to burst bubbles, but i just don’t believe that a dog can change his spots.

  2. @Patty Punker….we certainly won’t argue that logic.

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