Help: Sex after child

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Dear Guys,

My husband and I have been together for five years.  We recently had a baby girl.  Things between us started getting pretty bad when I became pregnant, and it seems like its been a steady decline ever since.

Before we became pregnant we had a pretty wild sex life.  I was never the jealous type, and we’ve shared our bed with other women on occasion.
Right around the time that I was 5 months pregnant our sex life came to a halt.  I didn’t know what to think.  He had also gotten a promotion at work that forced him to work crazy hours.  I didn’t know whether it was me and my growing belly that he was uninterested in or just stress from work.  Then I caught him masturbating to porn.  A silly thing that never would have bothered me before hurt me so badly.  I tried to ask him why he wouldn’t just come to me and why he would do that behind my back and he told me that he thought sex with me was “gross” and “creepy” because I was carrying our child.

I became so depressed and jealous, he made me feel so undesirable and made no effort to make me feel otherwise despite my sharing my feelings with him. He stopped telling me I was beautiful, he would come home from work and act like I wasn’t even there, and he would look at porn behind my back.  He rarely showed any concern for my feelings.  He even told me I was crazy because of my hormones.

So I made it through my pregnancy, and was really hoping that things were going to change.  I went right back to my pre-pregnancy shape and weight and really tried to jump start our sex life.  I’ve done everything I could think of; I was even giving him bjs “on demand”.  We have had sex three times in four months.  I find myself fantasizing about other men, having dreams about other men, and the less we are intimate, the more it happens.  His lack of interest in me (but continued interest in masturbating) really pisses me off and it is severly affecting our relationship.  Lately in addition to the lack of sex, there has been a major lack of communication.  It feels like I have to fight with him to get a little conversation going. What is up???


Dear Jensi,

Thanks for your question.

We answered this question on our most recent podcast.

But for the record, many men find pregnancy to be very sexy, especially if it’s their own wife.

Please listen for our detailed answer on our podcast.

Episode 32: Money, Food, Couples, and Finance


ps. Readers, please leave a comment. Your input is helpful to all people visiting this forum. Scroll down to where the same question is displayed in archive. (Right at the top.) Click to leave a comment. Thanks.

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