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Some recent questions:
I need your advice. So four years ago I met a good friend of mine online. My friends were playing with my Myspace profile and they added his band. They convinced me to start talking to him; he lives in Montreal, Canada, and I live in Chicago.
To be honest I didn’t think that our friendship would last this long. And I always figured if we stopped talking to each other life would go on as if we never met. During those four years I’ve seen his fan base grow and his bandmates grow into these amazing musicians. They have toured in China, Japan, India, London, and France. And they were even featured in a Final Fantasy soundtrack. He’s amazing, kind, very talented, considerate; he’s all these good things. And we have a great friendship. So when he said we wouldn’t be able to talk as much because of his band I was okay with it. He seemed like he didn’t want to stop our communication, and he seemed sad. But I told him “Do what you gotta do and I’ll be here when you’re done.” A few months later I figured out I really liked him.
I went to go see his band play in the Canadian Music Week in Toronto on March of this year. Every chance he got to touch me he did. But here is the problem as much as I like him, but he is just so confusing. And to be honest it’s starting to piss me off. (From The Guys: We’re going to shorten this.) He gives me mixed signals. He tells me I’m the most amazing woman in the world and I should never change, but when he talks to other people it’s just business. Sometimes he can be the most romantic person in the world, but then will call me “Little Sister.”
The last time I told him I was dating someone he didn’t talk to me up until my birthday. I dropped my friend’s camera and said “Julian is going to kill me.” He looks the other way and his tone changes from a happy one to a sad one and he says, “Julian?” So I decided to write him a love letter to tell him I like him. I sent it but he’s never said anything about it. I sometimes think he likes me, but I don’t know. I don’t know what to do anymore. My heart says he’s the one, and that I should wait for him, have patience, but my head and friends tell me I’m stupid for having any hope of being with him. I’m starting to think the same thing.
What do you think? Is he worth the wait? Or should I move on…
Thanks for the help,
Thanks for your question. We understand your confusion. Of course we wish we had a little more information. One important piece of information you omitted was your age. (So we’re going to guess. We’ll assume you’re in your early 20s. Maybe he’s slightly older. Mid to late 20s?)
It seems like all our women friends have a story similar to yours, where they fell for some guy in a band, and thought he was “the one,” only to find out they were “one” of many. Of course having said that, we do know of one situation that did develop into an actual relationship. And we are happy to report that this couple actually got married. But typically these types of relationships don’t get beyond the flirting stage.
Keep in mind too that he’s made his band a priority. (We’re not saying he shouldn’t; we’re just stating the facts.) And part of being in a successful band is being free to say YES to any opportunity that arises. The other piece is to slowly expand your fan base at the grassroots level. You see where we’re going with this don’t you? Flirting with girls at every stop is one way of expanding the fan base. We’re not saying he’s not attracted to you, but we are saying that his primary focus is his band, and everything he’s doing, and thinking about is related to his band. And in some ways it has to be. But even having said all of that, if he was actually interested in you beyond flirting—unless you are not of age— he would already be pursuing you regardless of whether or not he was touring with his band. So since he’s not, there are only two reasons for this.
1. He wants to be free to “capitalize” on the band’s burgeoning popularity, and mix with the locals as he hops from city to sin city.
2. He’s not interested.
You can take your pick, but neither scenario is great. So sadly we’re voting with your friends on this one. (You should watch our video on this very topic: Listen to your friends)
ps. Let your friends know about us. Subscribe to our You Tube Page. More videos coming soon!