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Some recent questions:
I have been in a relationship with the same man for 7 years. We have a 3 year old and I love both of them more than anything.
My quetion is, will he ever commit? He says when he is ready he will ask me to marry him and that I need to accept that. But he has said he won’t be ready for at least another 2 years. I am worried that he doesnt’ love me like he used to. His priorities are #1 work,2 our daughter,3 the dog,4 friends,5 beer,6 porn,7 hanging out with neighbors,8 sex,9 sex with me, 10 me. I do not know what to do.
I do everything for him cook,clean, laundry, start sex,make his plate for dinner, make him lunch, teach our daughter, take care of the dog etc.. And when I asked him what he thought his responsibilities were he told me he does the money making and that should be enough.
Just last night I tried to have sex with him I started things because he was watching porn on TV so I figured he was in the mood. He turned me down, kept watching, and eventully changed the channel and fell asleep.
What doe this mean?
Thanks for your question.
The father of your child has checked out emotionally and this has thrown your relationship into a major rut. On the plus side, at least he has a job and cares about his child. (Many people who check out of relationships, check out completely. He hasn’t done that. Yet.)
But, your relationship is definitely gravitating towards the danger zone. Meaning, if a spark isn’t lit soon the fire may fizzle completely. Your definitely have some valid concerns, but from our point of view you’re enabling him by letting him think his responsibilities stop with making money. We’re not sure where he got that line from—actually we can guess—but it certainly wouldn’t fly in a high percentage of modern households. Times have changed, and men and women are often sharing all responsibilities revolving around the kids and the home. Sure it’s never exactly even, and if he’s working long hours then maybe he gets a pass for some of it, but he doesn’t get a pass to sit around and watch porn while you suffer from his lack of caring.
But what bother us more is the fact that he’s not even willing to have a conversation about it. Successful relationships involve solid communication where couples can air their concerns without being completely shot down and shut down. Your job is to figure out how to get him to hear your point of view.
We’d start by trying to reignite the romantic piece of the relationship. Maybe get a babysitter and actually go out on a few dates. Try to remember why the two of you got together in the first place. You two need to start connecting in some other ways besides sex. However, we wouldn’t be surprised if this is not easy. He might need a not so gentle push to get him up off the couch. But if he’s unwilling to work with you on the relationship then you need to ask yourself a few questions.
What am I getting from this relationship?
And how far am I willing to go to get what I need?
This may sound selfish, but it’s not. A relationship needs to be gratifying and satisfying for both parties. Marriage may be what you ultimately want, but our guess is, if he was a more agreeable and giving partner you might not feel so anxious about it.
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