My ex broke up with me about three weeks ago. The relationship was great and he claims that I was the best girlfriend he ever had. He said I was amazing. He introduced me to all of his friends, extended family, and even coworkers. He gets along with my family and friends as well. He’s been stressing about getting this job that he wants and some family problems too. I was the least stressful thing in his life. So he said that he didn’t want to do it but he needed a break. When he came back a week later, he told me that he thought we should just be friends for now until he gets his life and career sorted out and he doesn’t want to drag me through it but he still sees a future with me. He even says that he’s still attracted to me and that the spark between us is in no way gone.
He understands that I can’t wait for him, but he says he still needs to do this for himself and he’ll be upset if I move on, but it’s something he will have to cope with. His family and friends say that he was really hurt by the decision and he’s not taking it well. But on social media it seems like he’s perfectly fine. He even took down all of our pictures right after he broke it off. I also know that he’s been going out with his friends a lot and even started talking to another girl at a party. We’ve only been broken up for three weeks.
The breakup came almost six months into the relationship a month after I threw him a 21st birthday party with all of his friends and family. I got my stuff from his house after we broke up and he was upset about that. So I asked him if he really meant what he said about wanting to get back together after he figured himself out and I let him know that I’d be perfectly fine if he didn’t mean it. He said he absolutely meant if. But his actions aren’t matching his words. His friends and family tell me that he still cares but I just don’t see it. If he still wants to get back together then why is he acting this way by putting up a cool guy front and flirting around? And if I’m so great to him then why leave in the first place?
Whenever things don’t add up it’s good to question and get other opinions. You’re right. His actions don’t match his words. What you need to decide is which do you believe: What he’s saying or how he’s behaving.
Honestly, this sounds a lot like the old, “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse. Think about it. If he’s stressed out, and you’re the least stressful part of his life, and possibly even a stress-reliever, why would he decide to break up with you? Logic would point the other way. Sure, it’s not unheard of for a guy to break up because he’s having trouble managing his life, but often, it’s because there’s a doubt in his mind about the relationship. His breaking up with you is not just about his job and stressful life, it’s about something that’s missing for him in the relationship. We have no idea what that might be, but to us that seems the most logical explanation for why he broke up, especially now that he’s out partying, talking to other girls, and enjoying himself.
You know Steph, he’s a young guy, and probably not as mature as you, which also means he’s probably not as ready to be involved in a committed relationship. Sounds like he gave it a shot, but then realized it was too much, and decided he wanted to be single again and do what he pleased without having to answer to someone.
We’re sorry. We wish we could be more upbeat but we have to tell it like we see it. That said, talk to your friends, family, see what they say. And then decide what you want to do. You have two options: Wait around for him to possibly change his mind or move on and look for a guy who loves and respects you the way you love and respect him.
Take care of yourself,
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