So I met this guy in the Bahamas. We hung out for a day and then exchanged info so we could stay in touch. We talked for months and would video call as well. After four months I told him he should be less invested in me because of the distance. He didn’t answer me after that because I crushed him. Five months later I texted him apologizing about the whole situation and saying how much I missed him. We started talking again and things are back to how they were before. (We’re even going to see each other in April.)
The only thing is, I now I’m beginning to regret talking to him again. I feel like I should have left things the way they were because me and him will never work out. Should I just disappear like he did to me or tell him that I messed up by talking to him again? I feel like he deserves an explanation but I know he will fight me on the topic and want to meet regardless of what I want.
You mention distance as the cause of your initial request for him to lower his expectations. Is that how you still feel, or are you just not that into him? This might be something to ruminate on before you decide how you want to address the issue at hand.
And about that.
The disappearing act is a magic trick used by many a person not wanting to deal with a difficult conversation. Don’t be one of those people.
We’d suggest being honest. Apologize, tell him that you care for him, but that you don’t have strong enough romantic feelings for him to continue the relationship. (If that’s the truth.) Yes, he’ll be hurt and angry. Yes, he’ll try to fight you on it, but you need to be clear and firm. Do not waffle even if he gets emotional or upset. Remember, you don’t owe him anything more than an explanation. And by doing that, you’re already going beyond what many people might do.
It may take him a while but at some point down the road he’ll appreciate that you were honest with him.
All the best,
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