How do I get him to chase me?

Read More: Relationship and Dating Advice on the Chase

Dear Guys,

I met this guy through a online dating website and we started dating. We would see each other at least once a week for about a month and a half. He was really strong to begin with even going as far as inviting me out the next night after our first date! Things were looking good; he was the first guy I liked since my break up with my ex a year ago. Then I kind of lost myself. I let my feelings cloud my judgement and began chasing him, it was as if one day all my insecurities and doubts resurfaced from the past, ones that I had worked so hard to overcome within the year of my break up.

Anyway, I got the feeling he had lost interest. The whole thing was random and threw him off. I don’t regret my actions as I know I’ll learn from it. However this guy went ghost on me after this (can’t blame him) and I found that very disrespectful. I moved on with my life and have not bothered to text him again after he blew my last text off.

I began dating again but still haven’t found anyone I have great chemistry with. Then out of the blue, a month later, he messages me! A simple ‘Hey you alright?x’ – no apologies, no excuses. I contemplated on messaging him all day and decided I would send a blunt message back to see what he had to say. Within the past three days, six messages have been sent between us. I’ve been blunt and explained how great my life has been and that I’ve been busy; he keeps trying to initiate conversation.

Now I have a couple of ideas why he’s back. A girl has ditched him and he’s using me as plan B. Or he’s lonely, looking for an ego boost. Or he could be wanting to give me a second chance after my behavior. Either way I was just wondering what I should do to get him interested again?

While I’m fine being single—I’m very busy working full time, going to school part time as well as preparing to start my own business—I haven’t come across someone who I’ve felt as deep a connection with as him. While I don’t approve of his behavior I believe it’s okay to accept someone’s mistake, ONCE. If he does it again then that’s it, I’m gone.

So how do I get his attention again and get him to chase me? How do I get him to view me as someone other than a girl he knows he could have easily? (Oh, and we never had sex. Things got pretty heated but I always told him no and that I wanted to wait until I was ready.

Anna

Dear Anna,

Thanks for your question.

You don’t need to get his attention because you’ve already got it. He’s chasing you now. The question we have though is: What are his intentions? That’s important information to help you decide if you want to give him a second chance.

So what do you think? Are his intentions pure? Does he want you back for the “right” reasons? You cite several possible reasons he might be back, but you missed one. (You said it got hot and heavy but you didn’t actually have sex.) Our guess is, he’s still thinking about finishing what the two of you started.

The more important question Anna is: Do you feel okay about giving him a second chance? You seem conflicted on this point. And we can understand why. Maybe your behavior made him nervous, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. He disappeared on you, plain and simple, with no explanation, nothing. That’s a serious red-flag in our minds.

Do people deserve a second chance? Of course. People make mistakes. We’ve all made plenty. That said, what needs to come before the second chance is some sort of remorse, or apology, or explanation on his part. You’ve gotten none of these from him.

This is your call. But give this some serious thought. If you decide to give it a go, at least start slow by having some face-to-face conversations during the day, maybe coffee/tea, lunch, so you can get a better handle on what his intentions are. (Last thing: If he never explains himself—without prompting from you, or apologizes—that’s not something you should ignore.)

Feel free to ask us some follow up questions as a comment. (You need to Log In and create password to leave a comment.)

All the Best,

THE GUYS

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