How do I get him to want me as much as I want him?

Hi Guys,

I’ve been talking to a guy since August.. He and I have only hung out five days because he was in town for work. (We live 1,400 miles apart and in different countries.) The week he was here was amazing. Our connection was wonderful and we were immediately comfortable with each other. We continued to text after he left. I’ve completely fallen for him and would do just about anything to have a relationship with him. Now, communication has dropped off and he prefers only to text a couple times a week. We also do not know when he will be back in town for work. I miss him a lot and am trying to let him contact me first because I tend to initiate conversations and end up over texting. What is the best way for me to salvage our connection and make him want me as much as I want him ?


Dear Cristen,

Thanks for your question.

Relationships require a lot of effort when two people live in the same city, but throw in 1,400 miles of separation and that’s a whole other ballgame. In order for it to work, both parties need to be completely invested and willing to put in the extra effort that distance requires.

In your case, it’s clear what you want, but it’s unclear whether he is like-minded, especially now that he wants less communication rather than more. You’ve got to pay close attention to his actions Cristen. Not just when you’re together, but more importantly when you’re apart. It’s easy for a guy to visit for five days and be charming, funny, sweet, kind and attentive because it’s new and exciting and his hormones are raging. But the fact that he’s done a 180 and cut communication down to two times a week should also factor into your assessment as you go forward. The last thing you want is a Jekyll and Hyde guy.

So what can you do?

It’s tough to play hard-to-get in a long-distance relationship, but maybe you should go silent for a week and see what happens. Just as a test. See if he’ll reach out to you first. If he does, then great. If he doesn’t, then resume initiating texts, but do it more to get the conversation going. Once you’ve done that, let him lead the actual conversation. You need to be careful not to do all the work for him.

Or, you could try the direct approach and just be honest with him. Share how you feel and see what happens. If you really think about it, you don’t have a ton to lose. Because right now the whole thing is up in the air; you have no idea what he’s thinking, At least if you put it out there, you’ll get some answers, even if you don’t get the answer you’re hoping for. (This is your call of course. You have to do what you feel comfortable doing.)

What you don’t want, is to become a convenience for him, and get yourself in a Booty Call situation, where he visits only when he has work in your city, but puts little or no effort the rest of the time.

We hope it works out for you.


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!


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