How do I begin a long distance relationship?

Dear Guys,

I recently met this girl through a mutual friend. We have been talking and have gotten to know each other pretty well. We went on a trip with our mutual friend and her boyfriend. The trip went well and we hit it off. She lives around 9-11 hours away if you drive. I’m just not sure what steps to take to pursue this relationship. I am used to going on dates but not sure how to keep this relationship going if we can’t see each other more than once every two months. I planned on going to visit her with our mutual friend but I just worry about going too fast.

All summed up, I am foreign to how to pursue a relationship when it starts long distance.

Nick

Dear Nick,

Thanks for your question. Obviously you feel this relationship has some potential. That’s great. Does she feel the same? That would be a good first step. (To find that out, that is) She has to be just as optimistic as you in order for this to get off the ground, because the very nature of a long distance relationship is more intense than a relationship where people are located in the same city. When someone declares they want to try a long distance relationship, they are declaring that they see something special. If she feels as you do, then you’re halfway home.

If she’s open to the idea, then don’t worry about how often you’ll visit, start by trying to talk to her on the phone or by Skype on a regular basis. If she’s willing to put the time in to talk, that will be a good indicator how open she is to seeing where this goes. Email, text, IM are also useful channels to keep communication flowing, but should be used as complements to talking on the phone. Since you’ll probably have differing views on how the communication will “look” that’s something you need to work out. For example: How many days a week will you talk? What time of day? Who will call who? How long will you talk? Yes, the details matter. Put out feelers to her and see what she wants. Remember, you want this to be fun for her, and you, not turn into a chore.

We also think resurrecting the ancient art of letter writing might be useful. Believe us, there’s nothing like getting a hand written letter in the mail. It will show her a different side of you. And an occasional package with a letter might be a neat way to spice things up and give her a little piece of you in between visits. Once again, keep the channels flowing.

Which brings us to visiting. Here, you also need to discuss the details. Believe us, the minutia matters. Insecurity and doubt will creep in quickly if one person is making more of an effort than the other. Issues to discuss: How often will you see each other? Who will pay for the plane or other expenses? (If that factors into the equation.) Will you vacation together? Will you alternate visits? In your case, you might need to be the one who offers to either visit, or pay for her to come see you.

If things progress well—we hope things do—remember what the goal is here. Making a long distance relationship work is only the short term goal. The actual goal is to be in the same city together, enjoying each other and building a life together. We’re not saying you need to create more pressure by throwing that topic into the mix right away, but that should certainly be part of the discussion at some point.

Is this enough to help you get started? Let us know if you have any other questions.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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Other questions about Long Distance Relationships:

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Long distance relationship-to college: Is this girl playing me?

Wooing at a distance

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Military Gal in a long distance relationship; is it time to move on?

Contemplating a long distance relationship; could we be something more? 

 

 

25 Comments on How do I begin a long distance relationship?

  1. this guy from far country chatting with me for about 1 & a half year,i thought it was true that when u will seek in by chats u will found the right one,but seems my chatmate is not that too nic e to be true why i say this?is because seems he is not interested in knowing me & my family & sometimes i did on my webcam for him but he said can do it sometimes soon means not now,btw he said he was a newly divorced maybe 6 months before we met,he is not talking much or let’s say i am the one who asking him questions and he just will respond after and mostly like that,dont know why he should say this to me he is truly saying he misses me and hurt when i not on line but sometimes when went on in yahoo msgr,saw him viewing his cam and he say it is just a friend viewing what?then he would say is he not a gal!oh my,..who is he in my life is there possibility that he is a gay because when we first chatting he was mentioned to me that he been in threesome but my fault is i was reacted into what he told me,and he said it was just the past and not dwelling on past,then i stopped asking him about that,then chat goes on everyday,every day and night he was on,am confused if he is telling the truth even i have an instinct on him that he probably hiding himself,and so his family also,we chatted until now but no serious chat at all,it is just funny talk and whatever and just asking weather,how doing and he on final stage like if is late to chat,he would say just like this,hey i want to feel good then will just smile and say u make me feel good!who is he?and what he needs from me after those long time i had spent with him in chats,…need everybodys advice,thanks and more power to Your nice site,…

  2. @Anna….Did you meet this guy online? Have you ever met up with him? Have the two of you been discussing getting together? Please fill us in some more and we’ll give you our opinion/advice.

  3. yes i did met him online,not yet met him in person and not discussing about that,is just sometimes if having question about future he would say with me but just like that,one time when we just chatting like our first new week in chats,i think am obsessed to ask his number and he gave to me even it was just a landline knew that i living so far away from him but then i tried to call him,actually we exchanged each other number mine is cp and he gave me just his landline,he said he will call and i waited for his call but he didnt then i decided to do that calling but then he doesnt replied at all just answering machine even he was there i think,he lives so far like thousand miles away from me and not telling me about plans to be with me someday,just chats and he often silent,and one day i made another act,like i used new name that i thought he might not knowing its me and i added him,then he added me too as my new name maybe a new chat for him he might say to himself then he tried to send msg like hi how are u to my new add,then i replied hey do i know u where sites u from ?but i know its me who add him already,but he gently replied am from friendfinder,just that,then i replied u probably just sometimes to be on here when i do get to know u>he would reply am sometimes on when before work or morning,just that,but i have a doubt he might have some more than me to chat with,he would say in me why i not believing in him,but how do i believe when he is just silent and not asking about me,but he is nice and could say i feel comfort talking with him but just that my worries,waiting for more advice and thanks a lot.

  4. @Anna….This is a long shot. Obviously he’s already hiding things from you, which is a red-flag. We’d be careful here because you really don’t know him at all since you’ve never even met him. You see, it’s very easy for people to represent themselves any way they want on the web, and via phone. Aren’t there any guys near where you live? That would be your best option. This seems like it’s just going to be confusing and complicated. We already don’t trust this guy. Your thoughts?

  5. Actually when in first meeting with him online it is me who added him from friendfinder i just saw him entered in chat room and we talked afterwards,then everyday i would say,..he is just a silent even i do long talks he would just smile or send smug or grin thats all sometimes he would make his opinion related to what subject is just like that,and shared him my past & presents and think he enjoyed with my story,yeah U right,maybe he just like to look for a date on sites and he maybe sticks in me because i made him too comfortable with me like i can share all things to him,do i knew is not good though but i shared because i know it was just a chat,and he is very far,i have kids and he have no kids,but why this comes that long he would not tell me the truth about him and his purpose why he stays chatting with me,i always ask him if he likes me he would say i like u as a friend and more and miss u when u not here and wondering also what u do when not on,his always reply,…its confusing and he said i liked u for who and what u are and now he requesting for pic from me and i said to him i have no more piucs and asked him pics too he sent some again,he tried a lot to request for a pic but i didnt,its him who always did.i have no other chat except my old chat but just sometimes but just a friend and nothing,one day i told him hey my old friend was here saying hi,i did that because i was hurt also when he said he been on dates on May this year in 44 year old woman and i was hurt and then i told to myself maybe i have to change myself to him or let anybody chat with me then yeah told him hey my old friend is here saying hi,he said sure!then later on seems so silent and not replying then he said enjoy ur chat when i get off,and i said oh ok,then he said yeah,then he left me he got off,..now we ok again after that happen he not show on for 3days and now ok again,why is like this my experience in chatting,anyway thanks for good advice and is really appreciated though i want more advices and love to hear from u a lot words,..thanks and more power.

  6. @Anna…Bottom line: Who knows who this guy even is? He could be anybody. We’re sorry, but we’d look for someone you can actually meet face-to-face. Someone who lives near you. This whole situation seems a bit iffy to us. And now he wants pictures? Sorry. We wish we could be more positive about this, but our gut tells us you should move on.

  7. YEAH MAYBE U GUYS ARE RIGHT,TELL ME WHAT IS YOUR GUT ON HIM,I WOULD HAVE TO FINALIZED MY CONVERSATION WITH HIM,REGARDS OF WHAT U SAY,I STILL TALKING WITH HIM AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR NOW AS I EXPECTING HIM TO LIKE ME MORE ALSO,BUT STILL HOPING FOR THAT,..HE STILL NOT SEE ME ON CAM,IS JUST HE,THANKS FOR THIS SO MUCH,..TAKE CARE

  8. @Anna……Well, we can only tell you what we think. Ultimately you have to trust your gut and make the decision yourself. You’ve been talking to him for a year and a half and there are questionable behaviors on his end. Ask yourself: Do you trust him? Do you think he’s who he says he is? Has his communication been consistent? Has he been open about everything, or do you feel he’s hiding things? Have you seen any picture? If so, do you really think the picture is him? Why hasn’t he tried to visit you, or talked about seeing you? If he has, then why hasn’t he followed through? The questions go on. Think about everything and then figure how you want to proceed. We know you’d really like to find someone to share your life with, but ask yourself if this guy is the one. If not, maybe you could focus all of your energy elsewhere. Take care and good luck.

  9. One more,if i will finalized my chat with him is just OK to talk with him still in my new account as i will change my image and behavior,and just will do it to know what he is all about & why he do this & if he can remember me as her chat by asking him by my another image & new account,i like to just caught him or knew him a lot and by this i am sure and what to do after,will not revenge but like to learn more about chats and about him,i been so nice to him for always but it didnt return back to me i think so i have to do this to know what i had done to myself chatting with him,is that idea OK?DOES THIS IDEA COULD FIND ME AS HIS OLD CHAT & SAME IN MY NEW IMAGE & VIEWS?IS HE COULD DO THAT?IS HE COULD SPY ON ME EVEN IN JUST MY EMAIL ADD,OR HE WOULD KNEW ITS ME,..I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SO CONFUSE,THIS IS HURTING,ANYWAY UR ADVICE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER,THANKS A LOT,…

  10. @Anna…..We’re doing our best to follow what you’re saying, but honestly it’s a bit confusing. We can’t quite understand what you’ve written. Remember, this is your decision, not ours. We’re only giving you our opinion based on what you’re telling us.

  11. Hey guys,
    I have a friend I met about 4 years ago in my city,DHS California, he was there only temporarily. We talked a few times about religion, life,& God as he was in town for preaching. He then moved back to his place in Wisconsin. We found each other on Facebook and started to have conversations through there about how things are going, work, school, and church. The thing is, I really like him ever since I met him and I could tell (when he was around me) he liked me. I could tell by the way he looked at me and sometimes I would catch him staring at me. I really like him, but I don’t know how to tell him? I live in california and he lives in Oklahoma right now. He goes to school in Utah and I was planning to go to school there and he said that if I did we should meet up. another thing is that my parents are trying to move overseas and I don’t know what to do! I’ve been liking him for 4 years now and I don’t know If I should tell him or not! and I’m moving so I don’t know if it’ll work. Will I ruin the friendship by telling him?
    Paola

  12. Hey guys,
    I have a friend I met about 4 years ago in my city,DHS California, he was there only temporarily. We talked a few times about religion, life,& God as he was in town for preaching. He then moved back to his place in Wisconsin. We found each other on Facebook and started to have conversations through there about how things are going, work, school, and church. The thing is, I really like him ever since I met him and I could tell (when he was around me) he liked me. I could tell by the way he looked at me and sometimes I would catch him staring at me. I really like him, but I don’t know how to tell him? I live in california and he lives in Oklahoma right now. He goes to school in Utah and I was planning to go to school there and he said that if I did we should meet up. another thing is that my parents are trying to move overseas and I don’t know what to do! I’ve been liking him for 4 years now and I don’t know If I should tell him or not! and I’m moving so I don’t know if it’ll work. Will I ruin the whole friendship by telling him?
    Paola

  13. @Paola…..If he’s not on the same page you definitely could make things awkward by telling him how you feel. But then again, why not tell him? Maybe he’s a friend, but let’s be honest, you’re partly friends with him because you’re interested in more. If you know for sure that nothing more will ever happen, would you truly care that much if you weren’t friends anymore? (We’re sure you have plenty of other friends.) And especially if you’re headed overseas, we don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t talk to him about it. However, this is no guarantee that it will work out. The fact that it’s gone on for a while and he’s not made a move tells us that he might just see you as a friend. Also, the distance doesn’t help either. He may think it’s not even worth considering. But once again, we believe in going for what you want. It’s up to you of course. What do you think?

  14. Dear guys,

    Apologies in advance for the longevity of this message.

    RE: Long distance trivial friendship but want more.

    From the start: This girl and I use to be school friends until her parents decided to move from the UK to Canada when we were both 7 (We are now 22). Both our parents are good friends and have kept in contact on a regular basis since then. They use to come to the UK on an annual basis and we as a family would make the time to see them during their brief visit.
    This girl and I have been in contact from a young age, more or less e-mailing every so often. We as a family have also gone over to see them 3 times during their time in Canada. Our families decided to go away on holiday and there was definitely physical attraction there so I decided at the time (although in hindsight rather naive) to express my feelings however, she shut me down. I don’t know what I thought would happen after unveiling my feelings for her at the age of 18 but nevertheless I was naive but you live and learn.
    Time went by when we didn’t speak and both herself and I fell into relationships. After a few years went by and a few mind less emails back and forth we started speaking to each other again having broken up with our ex’s. Initially we were emailing and more recently texting and attempting to Skype every week. I can’t really complain to be honest but I feel that there is something missing.
    Its like she struggles to open up to me. And when I’ve asked her about this, she’s very much like “I’m just not a feelings person”. I know she has hesitations about the logistics of us potentially being a “couple” in the near future. I’ve effectively poured my heart out and said that I would make the effort to go and see her as much as possible, flying over for long weekends. My plan is to see her in early next year.
    I’ve made it known to her that I would go the distance and see what ever we do have, through. I just find it very difficult because I attempt to flirt with her but I rarely get a response back in a flirtatious way. It actually makes me wonder, does she know what she wants? Is she interested in me?
    When I’ve mentioned that I do want a relationship (not specifically with her but general) she always throws it back in my face and says “omg Jake we’re soo young”.
    I have my own doubts about us in general. When I’ve asked her about me seeing girls, she responds by saying “Yeah, I can’t stop you from seeing them and I wouldn’t want to stop you either” which makes me think a lot about her response. She always says that she’s a realist and I think she does it to put up a front so that it prevents her from being hurt in the future? Well, thats my way of justifying it, rightly or wrongly?
    I’ve very much been able to tell whether a girl has been interested in me in the past but with this girl, she’s an enigma! She gives me flaky answers but I let her get away with (most likely because I’m scared of what she will have to say being put on the spot)
    Since at a young age I have always wanted us to be together and so of course I’m now at an age where I can act upon it. But I just feel that I give her more than she potentially can chew and she doesn’t give me enough back in return. I physically can’t/won’t see another girl until I manage to finally nip this childhood crush/romance.. whatever it maybe now in the bud. I suppose time will tell.

    Any advice and tips to take this forward subtly would be greatly appreciated. Cheers guys.

  15. @Jake….She sounds like a special girl. What is it about her that you like so much? (Besides that she’s attractive physically.) We’re just wondering why the fixation on her? Is it because you’ve always wondered about her? Is it because you haven’t found anyone else? Why is the thought of her impeding your ability to be open to other women? Now to your specific question. What does she say when you talk about visiting her? Is she as lukewarm as she is in general? Because overall, she doesn’t seem that excited about anything more than a friendship with you. We interpret her responses as a way to deflect your inquiries without hurting you. They sound more like excuses to us rather than personality traits. (She doesn’t open up to people, etc.) Having said that, we do think a visit will do you good. Like you said, you need to figure this out once and for all. And a trip with just the two of us will give you that information. (Soon as possible) It could be the best trip you’ve ever taken, it could be a disaster, or it could be awkward or lukewarm. Whatever it is, you won’t leave wondering. So fill us in some more and we’ll offer some more opinions and suggestions. Hang in there. We understand how you’re feeling. And feel free to ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. ps. Do us a favor? We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. We get so many questions from women, that we’d like to see some more guys on here. Thanks. We appreciate it!

  16. Guys, thanks for your speedy response. I suppose it’s been since childhood to be honest. I may have a fixation and am wondering “what if” something was to happen between us. I’ve seen other girls in the past but until I figure out what this “obsession” is regarding this girl, I find it very hard to move on. As well as being attractive, I just love her as a person, her family, we have common interests, she makes me laugh, her smile just makes me melt. It’s ridiculous. She knows she’s got me and I feel that she may be biding her time. To follow on from the story before about me blurting my feelings out to her on holiday; the next year she came to the UK and I took her out with my friends, as friends. I then receive an email from her 2 months later effectively apologising at the fact that she shut me down on holiday and that she would want something to happen but distance is the key is the problem. At that time we spoke a few times but nothing more than that. I then started going out with someone and then later on I found out she was seeing someone too. Our communication distanced until beginning of this year. She came to the UK and we went out for the day. It was really good up until the last hour when the whole distance/location conversation was mentioned. She isn’t willing to come to the UK however i’ve never ruled out moving to Canada, but because she’s ruled out moving back, I felt that she may feel pressured if things were to turn sour between us if I moved to Canada. When mentioning about me coming to see her, the first time was quite a good reaction and she seemed quite keen. A couple of times mentioned after that, she’s kind of asked the question, like “are you being serious?” and “don’t you think it’s a little crazy?” in which I’ve responded back saying that “yeah, i suppose it is crazy but want to obviously see where this can take us and considering we haven’t spent enough time in each others presence it very difficult to potentially rule out.” We’ve got a date in mind which would suit her and I in terms of getting time off work/post-grad studies. I haven’t booked my ticket as of yet though (slightly hesitant) and I wish it was sooner as it’s kind of eating me up inside!! Should I just book it? or should I txt/skype to get reassurances?have one last convo to ensure she’s fully happy? One time, she mentioned that I can come on holiday with her and her friends after her exams next year (dependant on how everything goes during my trip up to see her) but since then nothing has been mentioned, so I don’t know whether she was being serious at the time or if that was a fly away comment?! Do you think the reason why she finds it hard to open up because of the distance? I just don’t want to push it too far as because I’m am kind of scared of pushing her away. Do you think she has mixed emotions about us? the future? She’s very wishy washy and it’s so hard to tell what she wants.
    Im very much one for creating your own destiny and working things out, but for her she’s the opposite. She’s very much of the opinion, if it happens, it happens, if not she won’t lose sleep over it. And, of course I will spread the word to my friends. Definitely good advice you guys provide. Much better than my friends who casually say “you can do better mate, allow her and move!” As you can tell, that kind of advice never goes too far! Cheers guys!

  17. @Jake……Thanks for filling us in. You left out some important details. Details that say she might possibly be interested after all. Jake, w agree with you. We’re all for creating our own destiny. On paper, moving across continents is crazy, but people have done much crazier things for love than that. So we say go for it. It’s the only way you’re going to know. However, why don’t you check in with her one more time to see how she feels. Try to be as light as possible, but still let her know that you’re coming to visit her. Also, is there any other possible reason you might go to Canada? Could you say you want to see her as well as this other “thing” you might be doing? Visiting a school perhaps? McGill or something like that? Just a thought. We’re just looking for ways to ease the pressure so the two of you can enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other as adults. Either way, she needs to say she’s open to you visiting. A few other details to consider: You’re not going to hang out with her friends. Certainly if she’s at all interested she’ll want her friends to meet you so she can get their opinion, but the trip should not be about you hanging with her friends, or going on some trip with her and her friends. 2nd: We’d suggest booking a hotel, or some other place to stay. Yes, it will cost you—who said love was cheap?—but it will take off any unneeded pressure from the situation. If the visit goes well then you can always stay with her halfway through. (Believe us, you’ll be okay paying for a hotel room you’re not using if you end up with her.) As per her opening up. If she’s the practical sort she probably sees this as completely crazy. That’s okay. It just means you’re going to have to make it happen if it’s meant to happen. Of course if things get going then she’ll need to make as much effort as you, but for now, the ball’s in your court. If you visit and she finds herself really liking you in that romantic way, she’ll change her tune. What do you think? Any more thoughts or questions? Ask away. Thanks for sharing our site.

  18. Apologies for leaving out these details. It’s very hard to try and sum up in a message! Anyway, in terms of advice, I totally agree with everything you guys have said. Although I have no other reason to visit Canada, I might have to make something up along the line. She said that I could stay with her but I do agree, I think it would be a good idea at the beginning anyway to get a hotel. It will definitely feel less awkward for both of us. She has already introduced me to her close friends via Skype (a rather intimidating ordeal at the time) but I didn’t look too much into it tbh. She has mentioned i.e. “when you do come down you’ll get to meet majority of my uni friends” so I suppose reading between the lines it’s good progress! Im just worried because I feel that sometimes she give me the cold shoulder. Sometimes doesn’t reply to my texts for a day or so and recently mentioned that she’s got an exam and coursework and will be busy for a while – effectively meaning that she won’t be in contact for s period of time. I replied quite bluntly and left it at that. I never come across a woman like her before! It’s crazy! Anyway I just worry that she may be seeing other guys and biding her time with me for the time being. I don’t know, I may be wrong in saying that, I hope I am but because this has been going on for a number of years now, I now analyse the situation to the tenth degree. I can’t stop her just like she can’t stop me but the difference is I’ve made my intentions clear where as she’s been a little bit flaky… What do you think? I think it’s getting to point of insecurity on my-behalf? Also being too keen is a put off in this situation right? I was very needy in my last relationship mainly out of habit and now I suppose I may replicating those traits in this friendship/relationship type thing going on here in this situation?

  19. @Jake….We understand your concerns. Neediness is never attractive. However, you don’t sound needy to us, you sound clear. And what choice do you have? How coy can you be when you live on a different continent. In some ways the situation has forced your hand, and you have to be a bit more direct. That said, you still have to go with the flow. If she says she has exams you have to pretend like it’s no big deal. If she says she’s going out with friends and you suspect it’s possibly a guy, you have to pretend like it doesn’t phase you. Otherwise it will start to sound needy. Jake, you need answers, and the best way to get them is to visit her. However, she’s got to want you to come visit, so for now, you’ve got to play the game a little. Be cool. Funny. Inquisitive. Whatever. Does she ever contact you first? If so, maybe let her do that from time to time. Of course, you also need to be figuring how to make this visit happen; you’re walking a fine line. See if you can feel her out a bit. (Sorry, no pun intended!) See where her head’s at, and mention the visit casually and see what her reaction is. Don’t profess your undying love, but make it clear you’re coming to visit her. We can’t tell you how to do this, but we can say you’ve got to be yourself. That’s always the best plan. Keep us posted and let us know if we can answer any other questions as this progresses. Thanks for spreading the word about our site. Good luck!

  20. Hey guys, a few months ago I met a guy who is a friend of a friend and we hit it off really well. He had come to visit his buddies but lives in another city (3 hour flight). We did some making out, and have been chatting occasionally ever since — lately it’s been about an email a week, and they are entirely pg-13. He invited me to visit, and I am planning to go to see him in a few weeks. I am doing my best to keep expectations low (just a fun filled weekend and nothing more), but truthfully, I’d like to date him. How do I find out what he is feeling without freaking him out? Also, we are both in our 30’s and he isn’t really the player type, if this helps in your analysis at all! Thanks!

  21. @Gillig…..Inviting you to visit is a good sign. Did he offer to pay for your flight? Where are you staying when you get there? His place? We’d say it’s way too early to tell. Just go with the flow and see how it goes. You’ll have a much better sense of where he stands by how he treats you over the course of your stay. Keep in mind that long distance relationships are tricky to gauge, especially in the early stages. Most guys are able to act lovingly for two to three days at a time, so it will hard to tell where he stands. Just try to be yourself and keep us posted. And have fun.

  22. Thanks! I will do my best to take it easy and see how things go. Wish me luck :)

  23. @Gillg….Good luck.

  24. Ok update: Just got back from a pretty incredible three days, and I’m a little confused about how to proceed from here. Now that I’ve gotten to know him better and have met his friends and family, I’m still interested in developing more of a relationship with him. We acted very much like a couple during the visit — it was was very sweet and romantic. But, we did not have any discussion about the future at all. I know he likes me, but I really can’t tell if he wants to pursue a long distance relationship, or if it was just an amazing isolated weekend. Any and all advice would be appreciated!

  25. Hi Guys! Love your website- concept and all! So question about LDRs! I met a guy when I was on vacation. We didn’t get to hang out because I was busy with friends but we talked every day- for varied lengths of time- when I was in his city. He always initiated the contact. When he learned I was from out of state he did come on pretty strong to hang out but I couldn’t. He was nice to talk to though. :-) Well when I returned home I texted the guys I’d met on vacation that I was home, it’s back to reality, and I enjoyed meeting them, thinking they’d get the message no more communication, vacation was over. But this one guy continued to text and call and he always initiated contact. He came on pretty heavy with the babe, baby, miss you, thinking of you but after a month of that he seems more natural/ sincere with his communication.

    Well here we are four months later and we have had many ups and downs. Lol I’m seeking advice before we go to the next level. I really like this guy and I’m willing to put myself out there for a change but I don’t want to be totally foolish! Haha

    So here’s the thing… We are not a couple, we are in an odd/ special place. He’s tried to have “the talk” but I always say we have to wait till we get to spend time together. My thought is I don’t want to be in a committed relationship LD with someone I’ve never spent time with. For him i would try a LDR but im proceeding with caution. Is that common to want to be in a relationship when you havent spent time together?

    A red flag or something that stands out, he does flippantly share about girls he talks to that, for one reason or another, doesn’t work out. I was taken aback by his transparency but a little confused. If you like me, would you share about the girl who likes you but you guys don’t communicate we’ll? Or the girl who likes you but has a boyfriend! Really you tell me this. Lol! Now I’m not bent out of shape because we are not a couple and if your not committed I think you should keep your options open. Thats what everyone tells me I should keep doing (circular date!) But as a man, he’s going to be the pursuer right? So I dont think a guy would stop chasing for something so new and uncertain. How should I handle this? I tell him I don’t need to hear about the girls who likes him but he’s like “I’m just saying when it’s a part of our topic not to just say it.” I don’t tell him about the guys I chat with, none to worry about though because I really find him intriguing. I’m totally into him! The good and bad… He’s not perfect but neither am I.

    My other reservation is I think he’s now getting restless with our situation after four months… Do you think he’s now wondering where is this going? I’m very very cautious in relationships- never been hurt, never been in love! Lol So I was okay with where we were but because of his restlessness I think he’s starting to think LDR isn’t for us. He says in a solemn voice stuff like, if you meet someone you like I can’t be mad. But in the next breathe he says I’m his future wife. Uh! But I’ve told him before if you meet someone who sparks your interest it’s cool because I can’t compete with ladies that can see, touch and hang out with you. But he always continue to talk, reach out, shows that he cares, do stuff that shows he’s into me but I’m kinda confused before I take the next step to go see him.

    That’s what I mean by the next level. I have flexibility and resources to go visit him. I shared in the beginning that I would come on my own dime because I frequently visit his city. I didn’t want the visit to revolve only around him so it wouldn’t be so much pressure. I also didn’t want him to pay because that’s just met me and I dont want him expecting anything in return. Mother always say there aint nothing free in this world! lol &to be honest I don’t think it’s within his budget to spill out $6-700 on a stranger/ 1st date! I wouldn’t expect that. That’s an investment from my perspective. My thing was I can come to visit the city and we can “date/ hang out” like normal ppl. At least in the beginning! I’m already freaking out about what’s acceptable sex wise because its four months and I’m thinking if I like him as much in person should we sleep together! I don’t want to be viewed as a slut though! Ugh LDRs are so different. He’s never done it and neither have I. What are the rules guys?!?!? Help!!!

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