How do you know when breakup is for good?

Dear Guys,

My boyfriend and I just broke up. (We are 21, 22) We have been on again off again for a while for numerous reasons. Usually we break up and a week later we are back together. We have dated for four years. What are some signs that this break up may be for real this time? Are their any key indicators that show when a guy is done for real or has fallen out of love? I just want to prepare myself if that is what indeed it is, and start the process of moving on.


Dear Kayla,

The biggest indicator is the first break up. Confused? We’ll explain.

Breakups seem sudden when they happen, but only to the person being broken up with. The person who’s breaking up typically has been thinking about it for some time, mulling it over, questioning if things are right, pondering how they feel, trying to see if they believe there is potential for something long-term or not.

In your case, the very first time your boyfriend broke up with you he had some doubt as to the future of the relationship. It’s possible he’s just young and not ready for something serious, or it could be that something didn’t feel right to him, either about the relationship or you. Whatever his initial doubt was, it obviously hasn’t gone away, or the two of you wouldn’t keep breaking up.

So why would a guy get back together with a woman after breaking up with her?

-He’s lonely. Maybe there was another young woman he was interested in but it didn’t work out.

-His hormones are going wild and he wants sex. This is a very common reason a guy would get back together with a woman he broke up. It’s a pattern that could very well repeat.

-He’s bored. Yep. If he doesn’t have much going on he might decide, why not.

-He questions whether he made a mistake. Or realizes he made a mistake. This could be stem from the previous three reasons: he’s lonely, bored, or horny. (However, this doesn’t apply for repeated breakups.)

In all four of these scenarios, his initial doubt hasn’t changed. What’s likely happening is he suppresses it for a while, you get back together, the feeling comes creeping back and you break up once again.

We hope this general background on a guy’s state of mind during a breakup helps you figure out what’s going on with your relationship. Let us know if you have any follow-up questions. Leave them in the comments’ section below this post. (You must be Logged In to do so.)

All the best,


ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks!


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