How to start a long distance relationship?

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THE GUYS

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____________________________

Dear Guys,

I recently met a man and really hit it off with him, even though we only spent about a week together. The problem is he lives a two hour plane ride away. We’ve kept in touch via texting and it’s been getting very suggestive. I want to see if this could potentially be a relationship but is he just in it for phone/cyber sex? I’m not sure if I should go with it and see what happens or back off?
Thanks!

Olivia

Dear Olivia,

Thanks for writing to us.

It’s hard to say what this guy wants. But if you’re really interested in pursuing this more you need to get to know him much better.

The first way to do this is talk to him as much as possible. We know that texting-especially of the suggestive nature-can be fun, but it’s keeping the relationship in the fantasy realm which is always sexy and seductive, but not going to help you gather the information you need to figure out if you want to pursue a relationship with him. And since you live a good distance from each other you need to up the actual conversation to find out more about him-his friends, interests, job, family- and then hopefully find out about what he wants-casual relationship, committed relationship, marriage, or a fling.

Of course ultimately the best way to find out about him is to get together in person. You don’t mention how the two of you met but we assume from your cautious tone that maybe you met online. It doesn’t seem like he’s a friend of a friend or anything like that. So if you do get together maybe it should be on your terms and your turf. If he’s really interested he’ll be willing to do whatever he can to see you, which includes abiding by the guidelines you set.

If you really want to explore this but don’t feel you know him well enough, then have him stay at a hotel while he visits you. That way he’s not actually staying with you while he visits. You always have the option of inviting him to stay, but at least this doesn’t throw you into an uncomfortable position of having to move faster than you’re ready to. It’s also not a bad thing to proceed with a little caution since you don’t know him that well.

If for some reason you decide to visit him, we suggest the same thing. You should stay with a friend in that city, or at a hotel, just so you can have a little bit of separation for you to think, and remove yourself from the intensity that is part of any long distance relationship, and any “activities” he may be encouraging you to engage in.

But first and foremost start talking to him as much as possible. If he resists or doesn’t seem like he wants to put the time into really getting to know you, then he probably is looking for just a hook up.

Keep us posted. And good luck.

THE GUYS

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48 Comments on How to start a long distance relationship?

  1. Kathryn Palmer // August 11, 2011 at 2:17 pm //

    So I met this guy that I have a very strong connection with and we DID NOT meet online we were at outward bound together for ten days (so we were basically living together for ten days) but the problem is he lives a two hour plane ride away…we have sort of been keeping in touch and all but I want to see if things can grow into a more serious relationship…I am not sure if he is into it though. Do I tell him how I feel? How do I find out how he feels about all of this?

  2. @Kathryn…..Thanks for your question. Please submit on the Ask the Guys page using the form. Thanks. Also, we’ve answered a bunch of questions on long distance relationships. You might want to peruse those. Take care.

  3. Hi I met this guy at job corps and he had a girl at the time. But they broke up and we started to hang out. So we went on christmas break. I texted him and he asked me about doing a long distance relationship. I said yes but he decides to go back to oklahoma and im in texas. Its been two weeks he does not text or call saying hes busy and tried. Then he say he cant do the relationship because im not physically there. But then he say he does want to be with me. I broke up with him but im not sure if he thinks we are together. Help me please

  4. @Raven…..It doesn’t sound like you’re together. This guy doesn’t seem like he knows what he wants anyway. Might be best to move on.

  5. Hi, I met this guy through professional contacts. We met off line thrice or four times. He confronted his feelings for me and I admitted the same before he left. He stays 2 hrs flight distance away. He claims to get settled with me and calls me each morning and night and talks to me on chat throughout wenever free. Its been approx two months but now I can smell something fishy as he wants me to pick a gift for a female friend and wants the best gift and as far as I know him he won’t do it for a casual friend. Second he have 80 percent female friends. Don know what should I do but can feel something may be my imagination. Confused pls suggest .

  6. @Piya….Having a lot of female friends doesn’t necessarily mean he’s doing anything fishy. A long distance relationship requires lots of trust on both sides. If you don’t trust him you’re going to have a hard time being in a relationship with him. So do you trust him? We can’t judge one way or another. But we do often say “Trust your Gut.” Watch our video on that topic. Scroll down to bottom of Video page to see it.

  7. AngryBird // January 24, 2012 at 2:20 pm //

    Dear Guys,

    I reunited with my middle school buddy two years ago thanks to FB. We live in separate states, and despite the distance we kept in touch. Fast forward two years later, and well our relationship has blossomed into a beautiful friendship. We talk about being together, and usually express to each other how we feel. He says he loves me, and so do I. Recently, after two years, I decided to take visit him for the first time. The meeting went great, it was perfect! I met all of his family, met his Parents and the entire family. At least for me, this trip helped solidify my understanding of what I want from him. I am in LOVE!! Fast forward a few days later, again, I am now back home and wondering what is going on …. We were having a conversation last night regarding how much his friends and family have been wondering the “what-if” between us. I was schocked, because I thought that we were officially together. So we discussed this, and well the GUY is hesitant about us and doing the whole long distance thing. HOwever, he nevers falls short to tell me that HE loves me. That he had the most amazing weekend, and that he wants me close.

    What should I do? I am a strong beleiver that if you care for someone, the distance and circumstances don’t really matter. But also, should I not pressure the long distance issue any longer?

  8. @Angry Bird…..Good question. Do you think he feels exactly the same way about you as you do about him? Meaning, was his interpretation of your weekend together the same as yours? Because if so, the distance should just be a temporary hurdle as you work toward being together in the same city. We agree with you that if you really are in love with someone you should do everything in your power to bridge the gap. Obviously this requires one of the parties to make a huge life change. Or both parties, if you moved to a neutral location. (We don’t see that making a lot of sense really. It’s not like buying a new house together. Someone usually has a job they can’t leave, or possibly kids they’re parenting, etc.) Anyway, the key is to figure out what he’s really feeling and thinking. Once that’s really clear, then gently continue the discussion about pursuing a long distance relationship as something you do while you’re trying to figure out the bigger picture. And then ask yourself, if he’s not ready to move, are you? Because this might be a situation where you have to take the risk. Let us know if we can answer any other questions.

  9. Hey guys,

    Here’s another curious situation. I met a guy over a long weekend, and spent a lot of time with him. Though I learned the first day that he lived in another country and was just visiting family and friends I figured there was no harm in getting to know him as I liked him. When he left, I simply assumed we had had a nice time, though it was a shame I wouldn’t actually get to know him better. That said, he texted me from abroad the next day and has been texting me every day, calling at least once a week, and I’m wondering whether this could turn into a relationship? Should I even consider it, or cut off this communication early on? He’s said that his plans have changed and he wants to move back to this country, and though he may only looking for a booty call, wouldn’t that be a lot of work to put in for someone who lives hours away by plane?
    Curious to have your perspectives on this one. Thanks in advance!

  10. @Lara….We don’t see the harm in exploring this, although to answer your question, no, two hours away by plane for some guys is no big deal. Meaning, guys will drive, fly, and do almost anything for sex, especially if they don’t have anything going on in their current location. We’re not saying that’s what he’s all about, but don’t rule it out just because he lives far from you. Our advice: Just take it slow. If he wants to see you and you want to see him, have him come visit you, not the other way around. And if you’re not completely comfortable with him staying with you, have him stay at a hotel or at a guy friend’s house. If he truly plans on moving to this country, and you really feel like you have a strong connection, just see where it goes. But be careful out there. And keep us posted.

  11. I was in town on business and met up with a guy from middle school. We are now in our 30’s. We have kept in touch throughout the years. I have always had feelings for him and I believed he did as well. We went out for drinks and started having conversations about marriage, kids, careers… basically life. We also spent the night together. Days later I couldnt stop thinking about everything and how I’ve been holding onto these feelings for years. So, I called him and let him know that I had feelings for him and that I’m not sure what it may lead to or even means but I needed to let him know. His response was not quite what I expected. He stated that he has mutual feelings for me and always has as well BUT he’s done the long distance thing before and it hasn’t worked for him. (We live a 2 hr plane ride away) He can’t promise or commit anything to me but he would like for us to keep in contact. The most important thing is that we remain friends… Is that his way of letting me down easy? It doesn’t sound like the mutual interest to fully explore this opportunity is quite there… Or maybe I’m reading too much into it… Any advice from a guys perspective?

  12. @Janbird…..Your night sounds fabulous. Question: When you say you spent the night together do you mean you had sex too? The first thing that comes to mind is that he might have a girlfriend, or someone there he’s not mentioning. Is that possible? It could also be that since he’s known you for so long or at least has been connected to you for so long, he might not feel comfortable just going for it. Middle school and high school connections can be funny, and word spreads fast. Some people just get over that whole high school gossip thing. (Like you) Maybe he hasn’t, which might be another reason he’s hesitating. If you really think there’s something there you need to spend a little more time together to see. Why don’t you invite him to visit you? (As long as you’re comfortable with it, or you think it’s safe, etc.) Because you’re going to have to take the initiative here. Maybe after you spend some more time together he won’t feel so reticent about it. And if it doesn’t work out, well at least you’ll have no regrets.

  13. hey, hows it going?
    i know this guy from almost 2 years, he is kind of weird, but i find him quite good, this is like the third time we are trying to be in a relation, broke up twice because of his mother issues, right now the thing is that we talk all the time over facebook or whats app but i still kind of find it weird, he doesnt like talking over phone because of his mother, i really dont know what to do, i kind off like him and he keeps saying he loves me again and again but i feel its something fishy…
    can i get a suggestion?

  14. @Sarah…….Anytime a guy starts making excuses because of his mom it’s a red flag. Does he live with his mom? Is that why he can’t talk on the phone? The whole thing seems kind of odd to us. That doesn’t mean he’s not a good guy. He may very well be, but that also doesn’t mean he’s going to be a great partner for you. If this kind of stuff is coming up now, just imagine how these issues might impact your relationship when you actually have a relationship. Something to think about.

  15. Hi guys,

    our relationship started being together for two months then he was sent back to his country by his company. it has been a year since then and we actually broke up on the sixth month of him being away. we recently got back together despite that fact that we have no idea if he will sent back here in my location. i am just so confused that he is not clear about how he feels towards me. he is sure he does like me. at some point he did say he loves me. but when I asked him if he could still hold on until we see things how would go, he said Yes but he is not sure about his feelings. we mainly communicate through chats and sms. and I usually initiate the convos. I don’t know what to think or feel anymore, I am so confused because if I would consider his actions I know that its a red flag but when I ask him directly if he wants to end things, he doesn’t want to and keeps giving me the excuse that he is so busy. any readings about this?

  16. @Mae……..Trust your gut. What do you really think? But let’s back up. Distance is hard. And since you didn’t have a lot of time together initially you’ve been basically in a long distance relationship the entire time. And distance usually elicits two types of responses. 1. The confusion response: The person can’t remember the actual relationship accurately. This results in being unsure. 2. The fantasy response: The person only remembers the good things, or thinks they remember all these good things, so they get even more excited about the relationship. Guys also tend to miss their girlfriend partly because they miss having sex. So we’re not exactly sure what’s going on with him. But we hopes this gives you some more insights so you can figure it out yourself.

  17. Hi there again,

    We have know each other for about a year before we became a couple. And the two months was spent almost everyday being together so I don’t think that It would count as part of the long distance relationship.

    What confuses me is that, the reason we broke up is he doesn’t like long distance relationship. So after six months of breaking up and not talking to each other and almost a year of not seeing each other, I am thinking that there might be really something on this. Now, he considers himself as part of this long distance relationship albeit the lack of effort on his part to initiate communication.

    I tried talking to him about this, initially, he’d be communicative but as the days pass by he is back to the old ways. For the moment, I am just going with the flow. Surely, I’ll come to a point when I’d be fed up with this and would eventually lay down the cards to him. We haven’t talk about how we should do things, like seeing each other regularly and eventually moving into one place together. Basically, everything just hangs in the air. It is one thing really about guys which I find so confusing. You like straight talk and be rational about situations, but when spoken to directly, either you just give a no-response and totally avoid the matter at hand.

  18. @Mae….Thanks for filling us in. One other thought: Sometimes the distance is just an excuse. If he’s being wishy washy there might be other issues going on that he’s just not telling you. And you’re right when you say guys tend to avoid issues. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t press the issue at some point. Good luck and keep in touch. Feel free to ask a follow up question anytime. Take care.

  19. and i donno wat to do

  20. Micaela // May 10, 2012 at 12:59 am //

    Ok there is this guy named Wyatt. He lives in Alberta Canada and i live in British Columbia Canada. Well i see him about 3 times a year but i really like him. i replay our conversation in my head and all that. Im going to see him in a week but i want his number so we can keep in touch. im 14 and i have known him since i was 8 ( he was 9) anyways how do i ask him for his number? oh and our parents already pre arranges our marrige. Wyatt and i are like partners in crime. and i think he likes me because he hugs me and we joke around alot but does he like me or is he just being nice? Help me!!!!!!

  21. @Micaela…….So help us understand what’s going on here. So this is an arranged marriage? Or is that what you’re hoping? Does he know it’s arranged? We’d imagine that if things were already arranged that you would have no problem just asking for his number? Do you already email? How do you stay in touch?

  22. Miss_O1984 // May 18, 2012 at 4:14 am //

    I met a guy online. I messaged him first which I normally don’t do. I thought his profile is funny, witty and by far the cutest guy I’ve seem on the site. My first time trying the online dating scene and when I messaged him it was just my 2nd week onto joining.
    We exchanged messages for two days and he finally asked for my number.
    Since then we would text and text not a whole lot but frequent. One night I had a family problem and I vented to him. That was our first phone conversation which lasted for 2 hours. After that more texting. We were going for about 3 weeks and then he stopped for 3-4 days. I was upset. Got annoyed and irritated but when he finally resumed texting I made it known that my interest in him deciminated. I just said I want to really meet him in person but there’s no expectation.
    After that another week of texting a little less from both ends until one day he asked to meet with me. Finally! We met he brought his friend and I brought mine so it wasn’t really a real first date. Things went really really well. We had fun and enjoyed each others company.for the next 3 days he would text me first but it never really turns into actual conversation which to me it really sucks. I really want to get to
    Know him to see if I’m really interested or just happy to meet someone I am physically and mentally (I think he’s smart) attracted to.
    He never calls me and it really bothers me. I don’t want to confront him about it because I just want to play it cool. We’re not in any kind of relationship although he says he doesn’t talk to anyone else and I’m the same way.
    I know I really like him but I’m afraid to express it all when we’ve only met once and barely communicate. He says he wants to take me sky-diving etc. but we haven’t talked about when we would see each other again. Btw he lives 2 hours away from me and I know that’s one of the factors of his hesitancy but at the same time when we met I’m person it didn’t seem like that the distance would be a problem.
    I just want to know him more but I don’t want to sound desperate and needy especially we just met and barely communicate with each other.
    What should I do or say that won’t make me sound too desperate??
    My intuition is telling he’s a great guy. I just don’t know how to deal with him and the situation. He posted a picture of me and him on his Facebook and instagram which I find odd since we barely talk to
    Each other. Ahhhhhh!!! I hate being in this situation but I also know he is a great potential for more but I just don’t know of he’s willing to
    Take a risk with me. He also never asks me about me. I always have to start a conversation even though he’s the one who said hi first. I don’t want to intimidate him too much if I confront him
    About wanting more..so I’m so torn I don’t know what to do :,(

  23. @Miss_O1984……….Well, you’re going to really need to chill on this. He needs to step up to the plate and take the initiative. If he was really interested 2 hours is not that big of a deal. (We’re assuming by car, not plane.) He should be the one asking you out, calling you, and pursuing you. What you can do is make it as obvious as you can that you’d be open to his advances. But, there’s not much else you can do. You might see the potential in him, but if he doesn’t start initiating more than occasional texts then it’s possible he doesn’t see the same potential as you do. But having said that, give this a little more time. Be patient. Let it ride for another month or so and see. And frankly, you might want to start letting him be the one to initiate calls, texts, and conversations. Sure, be affable when he calls, and enthusiastic, but let him work a little too. It’s a fine balance. Good luck. Please keep us posted as this progresses. And feel free to ask another question anytime. Also, you might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page. There are some great female guest writers on there. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

  24. Miss_O1984 // May 18, 2012 at 10:07 am //

    Hi again. Thanks! That’s what pretty much I’m doing now. I haven’t texted him but sadly he hasn’t either. It’s been 3 days. We’ll be seeing him tomorrow at an obstacle course race but we didn’t plant to go together. He’ll be with his friends, I’ll be with mine. We didn’t discuss meeting and actually hanging out. What should I do? How do I act when I see him? I suck at this dating thing obviously :p I’ve only been with guys who were already my friends. This guy is completely outside of my circle and my comfort zone. I have the confidence and self-esteem but i just want to be careful not to be too straight forward. I’m an introverted extrovert but I’m very social, he seem to be social too. But he was a big boy before and he spends almost all his time at the gym now. That I don’t mind competing with in fact I would let the gym win over me since end result is that I’d feast on that :p
    I’ve never have to think deep too much about a guy. Totally sucks to be in this position now. I’m already closing down my doors. I can’t seem to try to at least be interested with other guys. I’m a busy person so it’s not like I just wait until he communicates through lame texts but I find myself thinking about him all the time! It’s becoming unhealthy lol!! Help :/

  25. @Miss_O1984………Well, like we said, just be yourself, chill, and let him approach you. However, if this back and forth continues it’s possible he’s a Playa disguised in nice guy clothes. Keep us posted and good luck tomorrow as well as moving forward. Let us know if we can help in any other way.

  26. Miss_O1984 // May 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm //

    I just realized he might be thinking I’m a playa! Yikes..he’s pretty much a guy with a cute face but was a fat kid and he says he’s shy etc..geez if only he knows I’m the one who doesn’t have any games! You guys have been helpful. Definitely refer to friends 🙂

  27. @Miss_O…..Thanks. Good luck. Keep us posted.

  28. Hey!
    I met this guy from Ottawa 3 weeks ago in Quebec city, he was on a trip with his team. We had such a great evening and everything was perfect together, it’s like we’ve known each other for a long time. We exchanged our phone number and then we talked every day for 2 weeks. Last weekend i went to Ottawa to see him and to visit the city. That was also a pretty good weekend, we talked about us and we said : easy going. We will try to see us but we take it slow and don’t push things too fast. We are 277 miles distance. We had a perfect weekend, i think i really like him, we have this perfect connection between us. Since i got into my town, he’s really cold. He answers my text and nothing more. He said he will come to see me next time he will have to go in Montreal. I was wondering if he really meant what he said and take his distance because he doesnt want to get hurts or something like that? Or that maybe he just doesn’t care anymore? I’m always thinking about him so i need some answers to know if i should let it go, or if i can still have hope to work on something?

    Thank you

  29. @Kim……..It’s hard to say since we don’t really know his intentions. But we will say, let him take the initiative here. Let him be the one to text first, call first, and suggest the next visit. (In your home town.) That way if he stops contacting you you’ll know he’s not serious. And if he does reach out to you, then you’ll have a better sense of where he stands with everything. Please feel free to ask us a follow up question now, or sometime in the future. ps. And let your friends know about us. You might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.”

  30. Hi,

    I met this guy at a conference we both attended about 6 months ago. Since then we have kept in touch on/off. About a month ago he tells me that he finds me attractive and he starts flirting with me. He also tells me he has been dating someone but its fairly new. I tell him this is confusing since he’s dating someone and he tells me not to think about it…I guess to think about him as being single. So I told him let’s get to know each other. My problem is I am really into this guy and would like to date him but he lives a few states away (about 4 hours plane ride). We still talk on and off but I am not sure how to get him to initiate a more serious conversation towards maybe long distance dating. Any advice on this situation will be helpful.

    Thanks!

  31. @Sarah…..Well tell us a bit more. What else did he say when he told you he finds you attractive? How did the topic come up? How do you communicate? Email/text/phone? Our initial reactions is, if he told you he finds you attractive he told you for a reason. He’s fishing to see your reaction, or how you feel? But fill us in a bit more and we’ll see if we can help you figure this out.

  32. Hey Guys
    So there is this guy who Im really into we go to school together. But Im leaving for the summer in a few days but Im not sure what to do about this guy I like. Should I talk to him about how I feel or go home for the summer silent and wait until the fall and see what happens.
    Thanks B

  33. @B….Are you dating this guy casually? What’s the deal with that? Or is this someone you are attracted to but haven’t really dated at all? More info would help.

  34. Hey Guys
    It is someone I am attracted to we have gone out a couple times. I wouldnt say we are causally dating though more just gone out a couple times.
    Thanks B

  35. @B….This is a matter of the “Regret Scale.” How high will not saying anything fall on your “Regret Scale?” If it’s high, then you should say something. If not, maybe just try to enjoy the last few weeks and then plan a few summer get togethers if possible. A road trip perhaps? For us, we usually fall on the, “It’s better to say what’s on your mind, rather than wonder” category. No guarantees of course. It could even go the other way, but at least it’s out there. What do you think? Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And check out our Relationship Memoirs page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s, “Rebecca, a memoir.”

  36. Hey Guys
    I think a part of me would regret not saying or doing something before going, I really do believe in the fact that you should speak your mind and take chances. I just wasn’t sure if making a move before taking off for 2 months would be the best idea.I will definitely check out the Relationship Memoirs page.
    Thanks B

  37. @B……Well, you don’t have to profess your love, but you could tell him that you’ve developed stronger feelings for him and that you’d like to keep in touch over the summer, if not see each other. And then see what type of response you get. If it’s lukewarm, well then you’ll have a good sense where his head’s at instead of wondering about it all summer. If you’ve been dating, it seems like you’d have some sort of conversation about the relationship.

  38. Hey Guys
    Makes sense thanks for the advice I think I’ll talk to him about the fact that I’ve started to like him and how I’d like to stay in touch over the summer.
    Thanks so much
    B

  39. @B….You’re welcome. Good luck. Keep us posted on things. And have a nice summer.

  40. Hi!I met a guy in an occasion ” a wedding of my sister’s bestfriend and the groom was the guy’s brother”., then we talk online,but were not given a chance to go out,because of a very short time vacation,he’s a filipino but became an australian citizen recently.I thought when he already went to australia we couldn’t have a conversation again but then he keeps on communicating on me up to present,but sometimes I felt taken for granted because of his very busy schedule and there’s come a time that he didn’t response to my message for 2 weeks,so i assume that he’s no longer to get involved with me again,but now our communication was continued,and he made the first move to talk to me again,.As the day’s passed my feelings for him was getting stronger and i couldn’t help but cry because of his distance and I don’t know if I could still wait for him,it’s hard for me to tell my true feelings.What should I do?My mind keeps thinking of him,and I’m stuck of this feelings,I can’t resist!.

  41. @Gee….Well, what do the two of you talk about? Does he talk of visiting you? Does he tell you how he feels for you?

  42. We have a lot of conversations,work,hobbies,sharing if what happens at the end of the day,then keeps on asking about my love life,something like that.Yes he already talk about visiting me,he said he will be back on january or april then asking me if i have plans to work abroad,then i told him yes..No,he doesn’t tell me anything, but his way of communicating with me,the way he act,comments on my account as if we were a lovers.I don’t want to assume something,but I can’t control my feelings,and it’s so hard.I don’t have any assurance.

  43. @Gee….If you’re unsure, let him take the initiative. Let him arrange to come and se you. Don’t reveal more than he reveals to you and then see how it goes. Obviously if he comes to visit you and it’s great, then it seems only natural to open up to him more. Good luck. ps. Please let your friends know about us. And check out Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir” on our Relationship Memoirs page. Thanks!

  44. Alright,thanks a lot for this wonderful conversation i had with you:)).yeah i will refer you to my friends.

  45. @Gee….Thanks. You’re welcome. Feel free to ask another question anytime. Take care.

  46. chichi183 // July 4, 2012 at 5:49 am //

    Hi there,

    I have a situation right now that has been bugging me since last year. I was dating this guy for a year now. He’s a thousand miles away from me. I met him online back 2007 and finally hit off and got official in 2011 and up until now. The thing is, I never met any members of his family, nor his friends. I certainly believed that no one is an Island right? But how come he never mentioned me to his family this makes me very insecure. He had been to my country twice and he planned to visit again this november, since we become official. He already met everyone in my family, parents relatives, co worker and close friends, but I haven’t met anyone of his. We constantly communicate like everyday nonstop thru bbm he says I love u” to me countless times in a day, he loves treating my family out, we have already been out of town whole of my family with his treat. He is making effort to come to my country which I know is undoubtedly he loves me, but why he’s not transparent to me? When I am to him. He also plans things wit me, marriage etc. I have asked him once before about his family and he said they are just not that open he has 3 sisters. I’ve seen just their pictures. But never ever he mentioned me to them. I send his sisters gifts/tokens when he has visited my country and he said to them that he visited just a frend and he bought it for them. I feel hurt. Help me what’s going on wit him? Do I still continue to push thru with this relationship? I loved him but I am really getting uneasy with his ways..

    Sincerly,

    Chichi

  47. chichi183 // July 4, 2012 at 6:07 am //

    On addition, He has plan on relocating here and everything, but why does he never mentioned me to any of his friends nor to his mom, I have asked him before about it and he said its just not easy as we are in a long distance relationship plus I’m in asia and he’s in europe. I know and it make sense that he cannot introduce me since I’m so far away. Before a lot of times he mentioned to bringing me there to his place but now he do not mention it anymore. I dnt have plans either to go to his but I would loved to hear from him one day that he mention about me to his family. Also whenever he visit to my country he also tells me that he tells his mom his going to a different country and not to mine. 🙁 I am getting sad as we have been over a year and this is an on going issue. I don’t want to ask about it anymore as I am becoming stupid bringing the topic. I was trying to be cool about it the entire time. We have never fight nor say annoying things to each other that’s why I am also scared to bring it up to him for this may blow a red flag on us both. I hope someone can give his point of view about it.

    Sincerely,
    ChiChi

  48. @ChiChi…….Well the good news is, he seems like he really cares for you. However, you’re right to feel a bit uneasy about his hesitancy to introduce you to his family. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed, considering the unique circumstances of your situation. (You being in Asia and him in Europe) If you were living in the same town, or near each other that might be different. But, this also doesn’t mean that this is okay. He may be from a very conservative household where dating outside of his culture, or possibly his religion is frowned upon. And maybe he himself is open to it, but he knows his family won’t approve, so he doesn’t even bother getting into it with them. Lots of people swim against the tide and make their own choices for what makes them happy. And probably he feels like it’s not even worth getting into it with his family. They’ll only give him a hard time and possibly make you feel uncomfortable, and he feels it’s a waste of time. However, that doesn’t mean this shouldn’t be talked about. Next time you see him—not via email/text/phone—sit him down and talk with him about how this makes you feel. You can’t keep avoiding it because resentment is building inside of you. If the relationship ends over this issue then you know he wasn’t meant for you. But likely, if he loves you, your bond will only become stronger because you’ll come to a new understanding. It may be that his family will have a hard time accepting you at first, but even in the most stubborn of families, over time, once they realize their son/brother/etc. is happy they come around. Good luck. And keep us posted as this progresses. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! Check out our relationship memoirs page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.” You might enjoy it.

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