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I broke up because of his trust issues

Dear Guys,

I broke up with my boyfriend of three years because he had trust issues and always wanted proof of my loyalty. For three years I have been reassuring him that I’m faithful. But this time he crossed the line. I gave him my Facebook password. (He’s asked for it before but when I ask for his, he says he can’t because he says I’m too innocent to see what his friends write.) So the thing is he always goes through my messages and this time he checked the messages of me and my female best friend when I told him I think she likes him. I told him I confronted her but she doesnt feel anything for him. It was just me being paranoid. But he checked those messages in which I had confronted her without letting me know.

He always thinks he is the only who works for our relationship when I have sacrificed so much for him. He never acknowledges what I do. But now that I broke up with him he realizes that he was wrong. Many times he disrespected my dad but made it look like he was just kidding. Even I had to give proof of my parents illness by sending him pics of my ill mom. Now after told him I want to leave him he says I never loved him it was just a time pass for me . He thinks I have betrayed him. He called me many names and said that my mask has fallen off, and that I’m wicked. I don’t understand what I did. Was it wrong to break up with him ? Am I really a bad girlfriend and human being? I feel guilty but I dont want to go back to him. He has given me many tearful nights and depression. What should I do? I have completely changed from being a lively person to a person who never smiles or laughs wholeheartedly.

A

Dear A,

This sounds like a tough situation. We’re sorry.

It’s never easy to deal with a partner who has trust issues, especially when they are unfounded. Your ex-boyfriend felt insecure in your relationship, and instead of talking about it with you, he went on the offensive by being mean to you, insulting your parents, and snooping on your Facebook. By doing this he could shift the blame to you.

We’re not exactly sure what you’re asking. You say you don’t want to get back together with him, so we’re assuming you just need some sort of reassurance that you didn’t do anything wrong. Right? We can certainly do that.

Breaking up with someone doesn’t make you a bad person. (Most relationships run their course and then end, even many marriages.) You tried to make things work. You tried to reassure him. You were faithful. What more can you ask of yourself? Remember, a relationship might be hard work, but it should also be fun and rewarding, and it should give more than it takes. When it doesn’t, it’s time to take a hard look and figure out if it can be fixed. If that’s not possible, then you move on. It’s always sad, but it happens more often than it doesn’t.

So we know it’s difficult and sad, but don’t beat yourself up over this. Hopefully your next relationship will have a stronger foundation of trust. For now, surround yourself with the people who love you, and who might help bring back your lively and happy self.

All the best,

THE GUYS

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