I like a gay guy; what do I do?

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Hi Guys,

I’m a freshman girl in college. I’ve never had a boyfriend and never dated anyone. I think the reason I’m still single is because I’m kind of shy and quiet and I rarely hang out with guys. However, I’m very involved on campus.

A couple of months ago I became friends with a cute and smart guy in the same student organization and he was very open about his sexual orientation. He is the perfect friend that anyone can have. He’s funny, charming, smart, and I can hang out with him and even talk about boys!

At first, we were good friends and hung out a lot, but lately I’ve been feeling uncomfortable and a bit jealous when he talks about another guy. He’s very popular so he probably considers me no more special than any other friend. I’m usually the one to invite him out and rarely the other way around. I miss him when I can’t see him for a day. I think about him all the time. I eventually realize that I like him more than a friend. I also notice that sometimes I try to look attractive around him or try to keep him entertained. I know it’ll always be platonic but I really don’t know what I should do.

Can you please help me?


Dear Sara,

Thanks for your question.

Well this is exciting for you. No, not the fact that you like someone who is unavailable to you, but the fact that you’ve entered into a new realm. You’re having an awakening, which comes with a myriad of new emotions and feelings, some wonderful and some confusing.

You said yourself, you’ve never had a boyfriend or dated anyone, but in a way this guy is your first, because he’s inadvertently helped you come out of your shell. Without knowing it, he’s opened you up to a new world of queasy stomachs, butterflies and crushes.

We suggest you focus less on your feelings for him—he’s not going to change his sexual orientation—and start being open to meeting other interesting and smart guys, for which there are plenty.

Try to enjoy the friendship with this guy without trying to get him to notice you in other ways. And since he is so popular and knows so many people, maybe he’ll be the one to introduce you to someone else who you find just as exciting and cool. Keep doing what you’re doing. Say yes to invitations, join other organizations, and keep yourself open to new possibilities. This is all good.

Please leave us a follow up comment here in the comments section. And keep us posted. We’d love to hear how things are going with you.

Good luck,


ps. Let your friends know about us. Thanks!

5 Comments on I like a gay guy; what do I do?

  1. Hey Guys, I was the same way never had a boyfriend till I was 18 almost 19 & kiss at 19. my father is an alcoholic & parents divorced @ 15 think thats the problem anyways, I was wondering if my ex’ is gay or possibly questioning his sexuality? We foold around a good bit but never actually had sex in the 5 months we dated 4mos official. he never would completly strip out of his boxers & never would take it all, all the way we got close quit a few times but the 1 time I tried to see if he would take it further he acted timid & wouldn’t put it all the way. he’s only had sex with 2 girls that I know of & I wondered if he was afriad of taking my virginity. but he did say to tell if he went to far the first time he gave me oral sex & i never did. I chalked it up to morals, & commitment issues that he didn’t want me all attached cause he’s a monogamous guy, & thought he had to be seriouse to do it cause he was engaged to his ex’, but what staight monogamous guy would turn down his monogamous girlfriend. we never really talked about it & its not like he said no he just didn’t. Do you think he’s gay or just inexperienced & was nervous? he broke up with me after he went to visit some friends at for st. patricks day in corpus christi & said I deserved someone who could be in a reationship & if after 4mos he couldn’t that wasn’t fare & that he was still bitter about his ex’ girlfriend. so is he gay, messed up from her or did he cheat? seriously do you think he’s gay or by sexual?? I think he might be questioning his seuality & might be gay/bi sexual.

  2. @Emily……..It’s hard to say. We don’t really have enough info to surmise whether or not he’s gay. (We’d actually have to know him.) But from what you’re telling us it seems more like he was nervous and inexperienced. Who knows if he’s really had sex with anyone? That’s just what he told you. Of course, since you know him, maybe you have a better sense than we do. But sure, a guy could turn down sex if he was really nervous, although it does seem a bit unusual.

  3. yeah he never said anything on the matter of sex, his mom said something one time before we broke up & she didn’t think he was gonna break up with me even, that his ex’ taught him a lot & he had a one night stand in college & felt incredibly aweful about it. I wonder if he lied about it cause I know her well & she wouldn’t lies to me. she knows I never have & she’s a shoot straight person. she’ll tell u when your wrong too even if you don’t wanna hear it. she gave me permission to have sex in her house & if she knew I never had b4 I don’t think she’d lie & say he had if he haden’t. plus she knows he was my first boyfriend. She also said something on the matter of nerves & inexperience so maybe your on to somehting there. I just wonder how many times he was with his ex’ b4 she cheated. maybe he’s only really done it like twice or so. Never though of that! Thanks Guys!!!!!!

  4. or wait a minute I don’t recal that she said he had sex with his ex’ she just eluded to that so maybe he only has like once… oooooh….. we could be on to something! thanks guys. I think I have some real closure on the matter.

  5. or wait a minute I don’t recall that she said he had sex with his ex’ she just eluded to that so maybe he only has like once… oooooh….. we could be on to something! thanks guys. I think I have some real closure on the matter.

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