I have a friend whom I’ve known for about five years now. Recently we’ve developed a liking towards each other and we’ve moved ahead to be in a relationship. He had asked me about my siblings quite a few years ago but at that time I had some family issues which were disturbing me and it was related to my elder brother and sister. So I told him about my older sister but not about my other siblings. I chose to be quiet and not disclose about my elder brother and other sister in order to avoid any further discussion on the topic.
However, now since we are planning to be in a relationship I don’t want to conceal any facts. I really want to be honest. In fact my family issues are also sorted now. I really want to tell him the truth but the problem is am feeling scared. What if he gets offended by this and breaks things off? What should do? How should I tell him so that he is not offended by this?
It’s good that you want to come clean and be completely honest as you begin a relationship with this man. Trust is the foundation that all healthy and happy relationships are built from.
However, don’t beat yourself over not telling him at first. Maybe you didn’t want to scare him away, or overwhelm him with information that really had nothing to do with your relationship. Overloading someone new with your entire life-story is not good practice anyway. It’s much better to let things develop slowly, and share information when it becomes relevant, after it’s clear that there’s an investment by each party.
The best way to come clean is to just say it. (We’ll qualify by telling you that there are no guarantees how things will go. This is your call.) However, if you do choose to come clean, start with telling him how much you care about him, and how happy you are, and how excited you are to be in a relationship with him, and then just be honest and tell him about your siblings, and explain as best you can why you held back from telling him the complete truth initially. If he truly cares about you, he might be a little upset at first, but he should understand. (It’s not like you’re telling him that you’ve been seeing another guy for the last year.)
If he does have a huge problem with it, and breaks up with you, then you’ll know that he’s not the kind of guy you could build a relationship with anyway. Life is full of ups and downs. You want a partner who’s got your back, and who is committed and able to work through issues. More than likely, if you do go ahead and confess, it will feel good to unburden yourself. That way, you’ll know that you’re in a completely honest relationship moving forward.
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All the best,
ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks!