I have a question, one that I’ve never seen answered on any forums regarding FWB (Friends with Benefits).
This guy I had known since high school—we are 28 now—reached out to me and we messaged each other for sometime. He admitted he had a crush on me in high school which was a big surprise because I had a crush on him. He also told me he had just broken up with a girlfriend he dated for a year. I stated I did not want to be a rebound so I backed away for a while. (Also because I had just been divorced.) I have dated other men and he has been single since. (All this happened in January)
We started talking again recently and then we began sexting. (A very bland and safe sexting if that makes any sense, no raunchy-ness, like can it even be called sexting? LOL) Then I came up with the idea that we should be FWB. (I know smart! LOL!) He agreed. (Of course he did!) We exchanged some “photos” and were planning to meet in the near future after he moved out of his parents’ house. (He moved in with them after he and his ex split.) Well I realized it was a bad idea because I already know I have feelings for him. I have decided to not go through with it, but here is my question: Can a girl recover from almost being a FWB and have the guy fall in love with her? I was thinking about actually meeting him and hanging out and then telling him in person that I cannot be a FWB. I have stopped “sexting” with him and he still messages me and calls me. We talk about everything, minus sex. So part of me thinks he does like me he is just not ready for a relationship. I am fine with that, but if he were ready I would date him. I just feel as if he may have eliminated the thought of a relationship with me because I asked to be his FWB even though we have not had sex. He knows I am a good woman and respects me; he even said we wishes we dated in the past and maybe we would have been married with kids. When we started “sexting” he kept asking if it was weird for me and that if I was okay. He is a good guy and I feel like I pressured him into saying yes to FWB. He has not been pushy to do it either. So given that info could I possibly recover from my “self-sabotage”? Any help would be appreciated!
Thanks for your question.
First off, you didn’t pressure him into anything. Weren’t you pretty much already engaging in a FWB arrangement? Sexting might not be physical but it is a form of sex, and you were doing it together with no rules or attachments. An actual physical relationship (FWB) seems like a natural progression from what you were already doing.
That said, good for you, for realizing it was a bad idea and pulling the plug. FWB is a dead end, and usually results in regret for all parties involved.
So now what?
We know you’re worried that somehow your flip flop about a FWB has turned him off to any sort of possible interest in a relationship with you. But we can assure you that’s probably not the case. If he’s not interested in a relationship with you, that feeling likely originated way before you decided against a FWB, very possibly while you were sexting, or even before that. You see, guys have a pretty good idea what type of potential they see in a woman. That coupled with where they’re at in their own life, gives them the info they need to move forward or not.
We don’t know what he’s thinking, nor do you. He seems to be giving you a lot of positive signals though. So, it seems like a good time to have a conversation about what he wants and what you want. What do you have to lose? If he’s not interested you’re no worse off than you are now. And if he is, well, then great. And it’s possible that he sees potential for a relationship with you, but he’s just not ready to jump into anything serious right now. If that’s the case, then maybe you can settle into a nice friendship for the time being. And then see.
Hope this helps alleviate your worry and gives you something to think about.
All the best,
ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!