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I’m friends with ex; is there a chance for reconciliation?

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Read: E-reports on the seven most frequently asked questions. 

Dear Guys,

Is it possible to get back together with an EX, if you continue to stay friends?

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a month ago because he “doesnt have time for me anymore.” He is going into his 3rd year of university and needs to focus on school, which I understand b/c his grades from the past two years weren’t that stellar. He is trying to get into medical school. (Dunno if thats going to happen.) Anyway, our breakup was pretty bad because it literally came out of nowhere. He looked at his schedule and made up his mind just like that. Literally a week before we broke up, he said he could not wait till we get married and start a life with me and all of that lovey dovey stuff.

He is a really sweet guy and was never selfish when he was with me. He always wanted to make me happy and always put me first. I feel like he freaked out because he wants to be a doctor so badly and he needs his marks to improve. And since he would always put me first I feel that’s why he broke up. (Even when I told him to put school first). I feel like he thought “If i want to do well in school, I can’t have her.”

I’ve told him there doesn’t need to be an ultimatum because we are both on the same page about school now, but he is still set on ending the relationship. He says he still cares for me and loves me and wants me to be in his life. We keep in contact on a regular basis and still tell each other about our days. We are on good terms I guess you can say.

I’m fine with being friends now because I want him to do well in school but do you think later on, he would want to get back together with me, since the breakup was essentially out of impulse and we both still really care about each other? I’m not waiting for him to come back to me I’m just wondering if you think there’s a high or low chance of us ever getting back together? Or if there’s a way to maybe gradually help him realize that he can balance me and school?

Thank you. 🙂

Name Withheld

Dear NW,

Thanks for your question.

If the break up was indeed an impulsive decision, then sure, it’s possible that he’ll realize his mistake and want to get back together with you. That’s hard for us to say, because what you’re describing is not typically how break ups occur, especially when a couple has dated for a while.

Typically one person gets a feeling that something isn’t right, weeks or months before the break up. Initially they suppress their doubts and try to convince themselves that everything is fine. Usually the feeling of doubt persists and then the internal debate begins. They try to understand why they’re feeling how they’re feeling. Sometimes they consult friends, or family, or even a professional. They do this all under the radar just in case they come to the conclusion that fear is what’s driving their doubt. That’s why it always feels like a complete surprise to the person being broken up with.

It may have looked to you like an impulsive decision, but we don’t believe the stress over his grades and medical school would cause him to make such a big decision on the spot. The only way he’d make that type of decision is if he was already percolating on the matter. We can’t say for sure, but unfortunately, this is the more likely scenario.

The fact is, most relationships run their course. Sure, people do get back together, but most of the time if they do, they eventually break up again. It’s the difficult reality of relationships.

We know this isn’t the positive feedback you were hoping for, but we’re just trying to be honest. It’s not a bad sign that he wants you in his life, but we’re not so sure how that’s going to work out for you, from an emotionally standpoint. What you don’t want to do is get stuck in a holding pattern while you’re waiting for him to figure out his life, and how you fit into it. We’d hate for you to miss out on other opportunities. (We know you say you aren’t, but anytime a person is spending time and energy on someone else, it limits them in other ways.)

Our advice: Figure out what you want instead of wondering what he wants. If you truly want him back, then maybe see how this plays out. But we wouldn’t wait too long. There’s a big world out there for you to experience.

We wish you the best,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

 

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