So I’ve been dating this girl since the beginning of January. We both stated we didn’t want to date or see anyone else since February. We went on spring break together in mid April for a week and had such a great time. One day when I was drunk on the trip I went through her phone and questioned her about some guy and she said that she had nothing to hide and was mad that I didn’t trust her and went through her phone. I felt dumb because it wound up being nothing bad. I felt bad that I didn’t trust her. This was April 16th.
We have moved forward and still are dating. However this weekend we were away again for Memorial Day and I was drunk again and went through her phone and saw that she sent two nude photos to a different guy around April 6th or 8th. I was very disappointed, but haven’t said anything to her yet because I don’t know how to approach the situation. I like this girl and want to resolve this situation. I just don’t know how to bring it up without saying I went through her phone again.
We understand your dilemma. It sounds like she forgave you for breaking her trust the first time, but she might not be so understanding this second time around. We’re sure you understand her point of view and that’s why you’re not sure what to do. That said, clearly you don’t trust her. So why is that? What made you snoop the first time? (And drinking isn’t the cause because that alone wouldn’t make you want to search her phone.) So what’s going on? Do you feel she’s not trustworthy? Or do you feel that she’s not satisfied with you and so that makes you suspicious? Does she have a history of being untrustworthy? Does she flirt with other guys? What’s going on? (And how old is she? You?)
Let’s get back to your snooping. Here’s the thing Mike. You may have snooped but you found exactly what you were worried about finding. She’s crossed WAY OVER THE LINE by sending nude photos to another guy while dating you. (Even sending nude photos to anyone is a bad idea and does not show good judgment.) Overall, what she did is not appropriate and not okay. And let’s say you manage to have a civil conversation about it: Will you believe her explanation?
Clearly you care about this woman a lot and think she’s pretty special or really hot or whatever, but you’ve got a serious trust issue going on and we don’t see that changing. Do you?
But back to your original question: How do you broach the subject without her knowing you snooped? Well, honestly, we’d just bite the bullet and bring it up because you two have a lot to talk about and work through. (Although, there’s no guarantee how that conversation might go. She may decide she’s had it and break up.) However, if you want to try and avoid that, maybe you could you forget your phone one day and ask to use hers and then pretend that you stumbled across the photos. (We’re not necessarily recommending this, but it might work.)
If you want our honest opinion, the two of you are not on the same page. The only way you’re going to get on the same page is by talking through all your issues. However, she has to be open to doing this. We’re just not so sure she’s ready for a serious relationship OR if she knows what it takes to be in one.
What do you think? Foll0w-up questions?
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