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I’ve been struggling a bit to get closure. I was best friends with this guy for about seven months. We started as friends because neither of us had attraction to each other. We would talk about other girls/guys and our experiences. We were just each other’s best friends at this point. Around the six month mark we started flirting and then we hooked up since we somehow both got feelings for each other.
Unfortunately I just recently found out I was one of three girls he was talking to and hooking up with. We had in depth convos about our beliefs in relationships and long term goals. (Like what we want out of a relationship.) He even wrote me a letter of recommendation for my new job and was there for me with something a major family situation. (I didn’t even have to ask him.) We also only hooked up about three times in the nine months weve known each other, so I dont feel I was a booty call by any means.
I dont think I can ever trust him in the sense of wanting to date, but I’m more trying to understand if what we had was any different and actually meant something to him or not.
What’s your thought? 🙂
So here’s the thing. You said it yourself. The two of you weren’t attracted to one another initially. Maybe for a woman that’s not a big deal—women seem to be able to fall for guys they become friends with—but for a guy, that’s a huge deal because guys are all about the physical, at least initially. (They can grow to love a woman they’re attracted to, but not the other way around.)
So, do you mean anything to him?
Sure, but we’d say more as a friend rather than a lover. Understand that men are able to compartmentalize these things. And just because you hooked up doesn’t mean that he was all of a sudden smitten. It could simply mean that the moment was there and he went for it. (Sorry, but we’re just trying to be honest.)
Don’t fixate on the number of times you had sex. Seriously. If we’re being totally honest, a guy could have sex with a women he was only slightly into for as long as she might be open to it. We’re not saying all guys would do this, but certainly plenty. In general, we think your guy is a bit of a player.
In closing, try not to let this affect you too much. This guy isn’t the guy for you and you know that. So put the information in your back pocket as you move forward, and hopefully soon you’ll enter a mutually loving and respectful relationship.
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