I’m one of three girls; did I mean anything to him?

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Hi Guys!

I’ve been struggling a bit to get closure. I was best friends with this guy for about seven months. We started as friends because neither of us had attraction to each other. We would talk about other girls/guys and our experiences. We were just each other’s best friends at this point. Around the six month mark we started flirting and then we hooked up since we somehow both got feelings for each other.

Unfortunately I just recently found out I was one of three girls he was talking to and hooking up with. We had in depth convos about our beliefs in relationships and long term goals. (Like what we want out of a relationship.) He even wrote me a letter of recommendation for my new job and was there for me with something a major family situation. (I didn’t even have to ask him.) We also only hooked up about three times in the nine months weve known each other, so I dont feel I was a booty call by any means.

I dont think I can ever trust him in the sense of wanting to date, but I’m more trying to understand if what we had was any different and actually meant something to him or not.

What’s your thought? 🙂

Thanks Guys!


Dear Christina,

So here’s the thing. You said it yourself. The two of you weren’t attracted to one another initially. Maybe for a woman that’s not a big deal—women seem to be able to fall for guys they become friends with—but for a guy, that’s a huge deal because guys are all about the physical, at least initially. (They can grow to love a woman they’re attracted to, but not the other way around.)

So, do you mean anything to him?

Sure, but we’d say more as a friend rather than a lover. Understand that men are able to compartmentalize these things. And just because you hooked up doesn’t mean that he was all of a sudden smitten. It could simply mean that the moment was there and he went for it. (Sorry, but we’re just trying to be honest.)

Don’t fixate on the number of times you had sex. Seriously. If we’re being totally honest, a guy could have sex with a women he was only slightly into for as long as she might be open to it. We’re not saying all guys would do this, but certainly plenty. In general, we think your guy is a bit of a player.

In closing, try not to let this affect you too much. This guy isn’t the guy for you and you know that. So put the information in your back pocket as you move forward, and hopefully soon you’ll enter a mutually loving and respectful relationship.

Take care,


ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks!

11 Comments on I’m one of three girls; did I mean anything to him?

  1. Hey Guys, I decided to take your advice and bring my question here.

    So my guy friend and I are both single and have the same friends. There have been many occasions that our friends tease us about being a couple. I just brush it off, but he gets really defensive towards our friends, and vehemently says that we aren’t together. He won’t let me inside his head, so I was wondering if you Guys could tell me what the deal is with him getting so defensive? I’ve actually started to like him in a more romantic way, and every time he shoots our friends down, it makes me feel as if he hates the thought of us ever being a couple. I just wanted to wrap my head around his actions, and learn if it is because he hates the idea, or if it’s something else.
    Thanks so much!

  2. @Jaime……How old are you both? How long have you been friends? Has he ever joked about dating you? (Maybe, just to see where your head was at?) How good friends are you? Do you discuss “everything”? Does he ever talk about other women with you? Or ask your advice? (That sort of thing.) …….As per your question: It’s one of two things. 1. He only sees you as a friend and wants to keep it that way. And doesn’t want others thinking it’s anymore more. Or….. 2. He secretly likes you and the comments make him worry that his secret will be revealed. (That’s why we asked the other questions.) Fill us in and we’ll get back to you. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends.

  3. @OneOfTheGuys, we are both 23, we’ve been friends for 5+ years. He never has joked about us, although we have flirted before. And I would like to think we’re pretty good friends, cause if I call him to help me with anything he usually is willing to help me. We don’t really discuss “everything”, because we’re usually in a group setting with our other friends. And one on one, he hasn’t talked about other women with me, he’s only talked about his ex but that’s only cause I asked him about her, but he will talk about other around me with the other guys. He doesn’t ask my advice for girls, but he sometime asks my advice for other things.

  4. @Jaime…..Okay, this info helps. Here’s what we’d say. (And this is just our opinion.) We wouldn’t say he necessarily hates the idea of you two dating. (Hate is kind of a strong word) But we do get the sense that he sees you as a friend and wants others to see it the same way. Otherwise he might already have tried to make a move on you at some point in your friendship. In general, it seems to make him uncomfortable when people suggest you are a couple. As to why? Well, that’s hard for us to say since you know him better than we do. But that’s our take anyway. Sorry if it wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear. Thoughts?

  5. @OneOfTheGuys, it wasn’t really what I wanted to hear, but it’s ok. I was honestly just really curious and getting insight about it really helped out. I am not surprised that this may be what he is really thinking. I’ve been friend-zoned so many times that this truly isn’t surprising to me. But thank you for the explanation, because now I have an idea of how he may feel and it won’t bother me too much if it happens again. And if I decide to ask him in the future, I can be prepared for whatever he might say.

  6. @Jaime….We’re sorry, but glad we could help. You take care. Ask another question anytime. ps. And please share our site with friends. Thanks.

  7. I am good friends with this girl and I tried to kiss her before but she said she couldn’t reciprocate my feelings and didnt want me to be a rebound. She has just got out of a short relationship where this guy cheated on her. She said she liked me before but I guess I’ve lost her intrest as a potential boyfriend. I hear that she has been debating whether she likes me. What should I do to make her interested in me over text and not reject me again?

  8. @Diogenes……You need to be cool. Don’t push her and don’t try to convince her. She has to realize on her own that you’re a catch. Do you two text at all? Are you communicating with her at all?

  9. Yes we do text but I have to initiate the conversation most of the time and she’s gone away for college but I still believe I can make this work.

  10. @Diogenes……It’s gonna be tricky since she’s going to be meeting all sorts of new people at school. That said, just try to keep the lines of communication open and see if you can see her during Thanksgiving break. (But don’t bring that up until it gets much closer.) Good luck. We’re rooting for you.

  11. Thank you

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