Is he playing me?

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Check out the video: Getting Played-Trust your Gut

Other questions on “Getting Played” 

Am I being played again? 

Different Cultures; is he more than a friend, less than a lover?

Did I get played by this girl? and The Party Guy


Dear Guys,

So there’s this guy that I really like. I met him through friends and we always party together. We did have a couple drunken hookups – except I’m not sure if he was REALLY drunk or not. We have been talking for a couple months online and hanging out once in a while in a group of friends. The thing is, he told me straight up he doesn’t want a relationship and wants to date around because he had recently broke up with his ex girlfriend of 5 years and is still hurting and not over her. I respected his decision and gave him his space. I also took it as if he wasn’t very interested/into me at all.

The next week when we went out partying together in a group of friends, I see him kissing one of my friends. They were both drunk. When I saw that I became really confused and hurt. I decided it’s best if I avoided him because I really didn’t want to get hurt. Another thing was that my friend that made out with him told me not to get too close to him because he would end up hurting me. How ironic that she was the one kissing him in front of my face. At the club, my friend saw how hurt I was and went up to talk to him and she told me that he said he thought I was really cute and sexy, but he had already told me he wanted to date around and that our personalities aren’t compatible. And I realized it’s kind of true, our personalities don’t click very well.

Anyways, I kept my distance for a bit, but we would still end up talking for a bit. The next time we got drunk together, he tried to kiss me and get all over me again. I wouldn’t let him and I kinda told him off saying that we’re just friends and how I saw him kissing my friend. He said that she kissed him first. It just made me really upset. So I made it clear that we were just friends.

We would still talk once in a while and even stopped talking for a while. It really bothered me because he knows that I like him, but at the same time I know he can’t give me what I want and I should just get over him.

We hung out in our group of friends for a weekend. It was just me and him and his group of friends. His group of friends like me and consider me one of them – the guys. They always tease me, make fun of me and mess with me. He is the only one who never talks to me or makes an effort to and the only one in his group of friends that doesn’t tease me, mess around with me – for example pull my hair, snap my bra straps, pinch me, pick me up and throw me .. etc. The boys all like to play with me. I noticed I have no problems striking conversation with any of the guys. It’s only him I can’t have a decent conversation with. When we hang out in a group, he’s the only one that doesn’t pay any attention to me.

It’s so weird because he won’t talk to me anymore when we hang out, but when I get too drunk he is the one that takes care of me or makes sure I’m okay. When I’m passed out he will tell me to stand up, he will get me water, rub my back, drive me to his friends to crash, sleep with me – cuddle me to sleep. This time around we were about to sleep and he started touching me and kissing me. Then we started to make out and pretty much was about to hook up, but I stopped him because I was on my period. So we did everything but sex.

The next day he acted so awkward. He wouldn’t really talk to me, strike up conversations with me or really talk to me when I started conversations with him. He acted so cold/distant and uninterested. I really don’t understand. It almost makes me feel like he really dislikes me. It is even more weird because we usually hook up because we’re ‘drunk,’ but he told his friend that he was already sobered up by the time we crashed at his friends house. We went to go eat with our friends the next morning, who are a couple and he can talk to other girls no problem. But with me, nothing. Nothing to say, nothing to talk about. I think he felt really awkward and I tried my best to break the ice, but it didn’t work.

What in the world is he thinking? Does he really dislike me that much and just wanted to use me for sex?

It really makes no sense.


Dear Sara,

Thanks for writing to us.

This guy does not dislike you. He wouldn’t be trying to have sex with you if he disliked you. But unfortunately he’s also not interested in anything more than a drunken hook up.

First of all the drunken hook ups should stop for your sake. Nothing good comes of too much alcohol, and in your case all you’re doing is compromising yourself to be with some guy who isn’t giving you anything but an occasional good time, accompanied by an awkward aftermath and confusing feelings all around. That doesn’t sound worth it to us.

This guy isn’t ready for any type of relationship. He’s pretty much told you that. And if he’s kissing your “friend” in front of you, that should pretty much tell you the story.

Sara, we know you like this guy, but what are you getting from this except for self-doubt and worry?

To answer your question, is he playing you? Inadvertently, yes. What he’s doing is giving you major mixed signals, at least from your standpoint. From ours, he’s doing what many guys do. They say one thing and do another. And when it comes to sex that is very common. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to mess with you specifically; it sounds like this is his M.O. in general.

Here is something for you to understand, and for all the women reading this to think about. If a guy has sex with you it doesn’t necessarily mean anything other than you were available and willing to have sex with him. It could mean that he’s in love with you, but it can also mean he was just horny. In your case, it sounds like the latter. Sorry.

Sara, if you’re getting so drunk that you’re have trouble standing or are passing out, you’re probably going to be making bad decisions when it comes to guys, and hooking up. Maybe you need to take a look at what you’re doing that’s contributing to your confusion. And take a look at the people you’re hanging out with. We’re not saying you should stop hanging out with them, but maybe you have some other friends that are doing different types of things that don’t always involve lots of alcohol.

Good luck. Respect yourself. You’re worth it.


ps. Let your friends know about us. Thanks!

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41 Comments on Is he playing me?

  1. Good advice guys. I’m sorry to say, but it seems to me that the only reason this guy occasionally hooks up with Sara is that she’s ‘convenient.’ He’s been very clear that he doesn’t want a relationship. If I were her, I’d just stay away. And you’re right guys, the alcohol just seems to be confusing the situation further.

  2. Lily-white // April 16, 2011 at 9:41 am //

    There’s this guy who was my bestfriend and we flirted alot and he held my hand and did coupleish things with me but he was dating my friend but he flirts with alot of girls and when I moved we were talking on facebook about dreamgirls and stuff he said I was his dream girl and he said all this sweet stuff about y he likes me after a while we tried a long distance relationship he told he loved me and I told him the same he said I was his one and only love and that he never cared for girl as much as he did me then we broke up bc his mom didn’t want him dating someone so far away we didn’t talk for a month then we talked again and he said he didnt move on and that he still loves me then I found out he had a girlfriend and I asked him if he loves her he said no and that he has lots of girlfriends and he loves me and wants me to come back soon and I told him I’m coming back this summer and he said we should catch a movie . Lots of my friends think he’s playing me but. Y would he go through all that trouble and effort I love him but I don’t know if he playing me

  3. @Lily….yes, we have to agree with your friends on this one.

  4. There’s this guy, we were really good friends, he used to come at my place,sleep over, we used to go swimming and stuff, as friends, then things got cold, he started dating a girl and I started dating another guy, his friends told me that he liked me, but I didn’t believe them! one day when I had enough I smsd him saying that I can’t stand watching him with another girl anymore and I want him now more than ever, the next day at school he broke up with the girl and told me that he wants to be with me, after some days he said that he loves me, i told him that i don’t believe him, he said I have to, and he said that loved me since we used to hang out a lot at my place and stuff! 3 days ago joking I sent him saying ” i like u in black, I like in red, but most of all i like in bed” I WAS Kidding!! then he said that he wants to make love to me. Why would he say that?? he knows that I wouldn’t do it right now. I don’t think he was joking! so please tell me if he likes me,loves me or just wanna get me off my pants! plz!! I think I love him that’s the prob!!

  5. @Ele….please contact us through the Ask the Guys page. Leave us a note there. Thanks.

  6. @Hailey…… your gut on this one. What do you think? We don’t think he’s playing hard to get. (Watch the videos on Getting Played. They might help. See Video Page)
    If you have any more questions, please use the contact page on our website. Thanks. And good luck.

  7. he told me he liked me…… and we are best friends. ive liked him for 7 months now. sometimes, he acts like i dont exist or like he doesnt like like me. i told him today that either he liked me or not…..that we were friends or more but that he needed to decide because i need to know. im tired of getting played and smiling and laughin it off. i really like him but jeeze. any advice that is positive? neggative is okay too but im really shakin up.

  8. @Kenzie……This might sound negative, but actually it’s positive. This guy isn’t going to change. And you deserve better. We know it’s hard, but you really need to move on. Don’t settle for anyone
    who isn’t going to treat you with respect, and truly care about your feelings. Take care.

  9. We’ve been friends for about 8 years. A few months ago before I decided to go back to school (med school) and move over 10 hours away we reconnected and hung out. He would tell his friends that we were together so his friends wouldn’t ever make a move on me. I turned him down about 3 – 4 times. The main reason being I was moving. One night, he called me at 3 in the morning asking me why I couldn’t just be with him. He even had his friends convincing me that we should be together. He told me the distance wouldn’t change a thing. Eventually I felt awful because I thought he was pretty upset. He said he could handle a heartbreak, but it didn’t sound like it to be having people call me and tell me “hey, you’re all he talks about.” I did like him, but long distance broke my heart last time so I didn’t want to do it again. But I gave him a chance anyways, yes we did sleep with each other a few times. Then one day it was a total 360. He didn’t talk to me for a few days. And now it’s gotten to the point where he can potentially not speak to me for weeks. And when I do come back from school he’s never around to see me. His friends love me and think I’m one of the most down to earth girls they’ve ever met. I came back from med school for a weekend and I hung out with his friends, but he was up to something else and didn’t see me. If I never spoke to him again I wouldn’t be dying. But I’m really angry because honestly, I think he just wasted my time. I was okey with just having a sexual relationship because again I was planning to move. I didn’t think it was going to be fair for either of us to be far away and “be together.” I want to tell him off, but unfortunately my personality is just to ignore and walk away. Should I confront him? I have more important things to worry about and I really just want this “game” to stop. Advise?

  10. @Lillian……He’s not worth it. He’s still at that stage where he can’t differentiate between what his two “brains” are thinking. Sometimes women think they’re getting played, when in actuality the guy just wasn’t thinking straight. And then after sex, when clarity strikes, he wakes up for the first time and thinks, “Uh oh, what did I do.” Our advice is to move on, and pursue your passion for medicine.
    And you also might want to remove yourself from his circle of friends, even though that may be hard. Good luck.

  11. There’es this guy and recently we’ve become close friends. He said he liked me and at first i couldn’t believe it- he’s one of the really popular kids, and is very attractive. And so we had been texting every nights, and then all of a sudden he asked me for pictures. And at that moment it hit me. Maybe he was just saying all this sweet stuff because of what he wanted. I have already been used before like that, and it hurt me so much. Just about a year later, and i’m finally over him, but I really don’t want to go back down that path. When i said no to the pictures, it kynda seemed like he didn’t really wanna be friends with me. He didn’t text me good morning, and the conversations we had every night stopped. Maybe i’m reading to much into this, but i’ve been in this position as i said before and i can’t tell if he’s being genuine or not. I really don’t wanna go through it again. What do youu think?
    Thanks Shannon, xo

  12. Okay so I’ve liked this guy for so long now, and he started to like me too at the end of the school year. Then summer came and we didn’t talk much during the summer. When we got back to school he didn’t talk to me anymore. He practically ignored me. But it’s weird because once in while he’ll flirt with me and then go back to ignoring me. I don’t get it. When i’m finally starting to move on he talks all nice. Then ignores. HELP.

  13. @Bellaina…….It’s time to move on. This guy is playing games with you. And is he the kind of guy you want? Even if he asks you out and things are good for a bit, it’s likely the same old pattern will start again. It might be time to ignore him. (We’re not saying be mean, just don’t let him get under your skin anymore.) We’re sure there are lots of cool guys at your school. Good luck. And feel free to ask us another question anytime.

  14. I used to have this thing with this guy who’s a player. We’ve made out before but i was really drunk so i don’t remember. We’ve chilled at his place a lot with other girlfriends and buddies. We’ve only held hands and cuddled. He’s never tried to sleep with me. The thing is I was flirting with one of his close buddies too at the time. When he found out I was still talking to his close buddy he was acting distant from me and stopped talking to me for a week. These guys are really shady to each other by the way. His buddy knew I had a thing with his friend but he obviously just wanted to sleep with me so he didn’t tell him anything.

    Now whenever I see him he teases me and talks about all these guys I know (he knows the guys I talk to because my girlfriends blurt it out when they’re around him and his buddies) and makes fun of me. I don’t care if he knows about the guys I talk to because I wouldn’t date guys that are players like him anyways simply because I can’t take them seriously. Like this one time we were all drunk at his place, I met this guy from another buddy’s of mine that I was drinking with earlier that I’m just friends with. He kept calling me and I answered the phone and I was about to leave his place so I can talk in private and he was like “hey babe, can you get my towel?” loudly. I’m obviously like wtf but I don’t really care either. While I was outside of his place talking on the phone telling my friend that I was sleeping soon, he was standing outside eavesdropping on my whole conversation. And when I come back in he’s like teasing me saying “why you lying to your buddy saying you’re sleeping when you’re really at another guy’s place” I obviously didn’t answer because I’m not telling him my excuses cause me and my girlfriends left them to chill with him and his buddies.

    Later on, when I was going to leave my girlfriend kept naming all these guys to pick me up and drive me home. She was like you should just go breakfast with them. I was going to kill her because I don’t like guys knowing I talk to other guys. I was like no I don’t want to see them. Then as I was leaving his place he was like “London, let’s go get breakfast!!” teasing me as in he was one of those guys. I really don’t understand what is up with this guy; he is irritating the shit out of me. I don’t get if he’s mad that I kind of played him out, or he’s interested? Like why do you care so much about what’s going on in my life? I don’t care if my girls talk about other guys in his face because I’m not going to date you or see you so I don’t care or have the necessity to be shady. I wouldn’t even care if he talked about girls he’s talking to me either. He did tell one of my girlfriends he was interested in me but told her he was giving up because I was too hard to get. Do guys just act like they care about you just to mess with your head?

  15. @London……Some guys do, but not all. Guys are also territorial, even when they’re not completely interested themselves. For example: Even if he thought of you as only a Booty Call he still wouldn’t want other guys talking to you or messing with you. It’s the way we’re built. He’s definitely interested in you, but it’s hard to say in what capacity. He could want a serious relationship with you, or he could want just sex. Or something in between. Whatever it is, he feels like he can’t get it by being direct so he’s taking the circuitous route to achieve his goal. This alone is a red flag. Guys need to be direct, at least that’s our opinion. Hope this helps a little. Please feel free to ask a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page. There are some great female guest writers on there. Thanks!

  16. @one of the guys. He knows I don’t sleep around so would he still consider me as a booty call? I told him I don’t mess around with boys unless they’re my boyfriend. I knew he was interested in me because my girlfriend told me. However, the first time we chilled we were drinking with his buddies and their girls. When we went to a club after he was talking to other girls infront of my face and buying them drinks. I thought he wasn’t even into me until my girlfriend told me he was the next day. The whole time I was drinking with his other buddies and paid some attention to him. I don’t know if this is a clue if he wanted to be serious with me but ever since he thought I was interested in him he stopped being shady with me. He told me what time he was going to some place and told me who he was with. He even explained himself to me. That night after the club we went a restaurant where there were girls. He explained that they were his buddies girls not his when I didn’t even talk about that issue to him. He’s shady again now though because he thinks I talk to a bunch of guys. He said I was too hard to get because I would never come out with him whenever he asked me to chill and it’s only because I don’t set myself up for things like this. Would he actually take me seriously and not think I’m just some hoe he can mess with for a night if he knows that I don’t mess around? Does it make a guy not want to ask a girl out when they know she’s talking to alot of guys or does he like the challenge? I just don’t know what to do with this guy. We kinda get into petty fights that don’t get too serious but you can kinda tell one of us gets offended. Like this other time I was at his place and I was gonna leave with my girlfriend to go drink with her buddies but I told them i’m going home. Apparently ever since I got to his place all i wanted to do was leave. His buddy was complaining and he was too that I wanted to leave. He later put on his fb status implying me to leave. Why do guys do that on their statuses..? after he was all mad at me when I was gonna hug him and say bye. i forced the hug on him and left haha i was drunk btw.

  17. @London………Guys like a challenge at first but they certainly don’t want their girlfriend flirting with a ton of other guys. The definition of Booty Call is: Semi-regular sex without any sort of commitment. Slightly different than a Friends with Benefits arrangement, but similar. Our advice: Cool it a bit with the drink, and see if he’ll ask you out on a proper date. Maybe drop a hint, or let your friends know so they can tell his friends, that you’d be open to having him ask you out. Meeting up at bars, parties, and at his house isn’t going to give you answers. Those situations are just a bit too nebulous. You need to know definitively, which means your goal should be for the two of you to go out without ANYONE else with you.

  18. christine // October 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm //

    I liked this guy for about year and it seemed like he liked me to he would always complament in a text messege but he would never talk to me in public he said its only because I get mad that people say me and him go out I only get upset because we don’t go out but anyways I told him I wouldent mind going out with him that I really like him he said he wants to go further then friends but not in a relationship he wants to be friends with benifits so i just wanna know should I get over him like is he just a hit it and quit it should I just be friends with benifits with him I really don’t know what to do I would be really grateful if you would help me all my friends said he is just playing but I don’t know if he is or not

  19. @Christine…….If you’re hoping this is going to turn into a real relationship by starting a FWB with him, we can assure that it’s not. To say he’s playing you is to say he’s deceiving you. We don’t think he’s doing that because he’s being honest. But what he’s offering is only going to benefit him, not you. If that makes sense? So basically, we’re suggesting you pass and find a guy who’s going to respect you. You deserve that. This guy “aint” the guy. Did you watch our video on Friends with Benefits? Check it out on our video page. ps. Please share our site with friends. They can ask a question anytime. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  20. Remember the musician who introduced me to his friends and they said he talked about me like I’m a supermodel? Well, I’m back with another question. (I’m really not a supermodel, in case there was any doubt!). Last week, he drunk texted me, but that’s not unusual. We’re friends, so he does that. He didn’t ask for anything. He is private and doesn’t share information easily, but I’m someone he can open up to. I joked with him through text about being drunk, and he said he was on his way home and I should come over. Yes, it was late night because he’d just finished playing a gig. I’d already hung out with him and his roommates, so no biggie, right? Well, I got there to find him watching a movie under a blanket on the couch–totally clothed. We snuggled and watched the movie for a while, and then the hookup occurred. We chatted about things going on in our lives, and then he started to kiss me passionately. One thing led to another, and the deed happened. He knew I had not been with anybody for a couple of years, due to a divorce, so he said “I thought you could use this.” I jokingly said to him, “oh, so you’re providing a service?” To which he very sweetly said “no.” After a couple of hours, we sat around and talked some more. Then, I left for home. Fast forward to last night (and there have been some friendly daytime texts thrown in this week). He played a gig that I attended. Before he started, he made a point to come over and speak for a few minutes. Several of the people thought we were there together, but I explained that were just friends. When I walked to the rest room, he would smile or make a face at me while singing. Otherwise, he was the professional and didn’t pay any special attention to me. After the show, he came directly to me from the stage to give me a hug. It wasn’t anything passionate, but it was better than an “A-frame” hug. I had texted “great set tonight” while he was playing. After I had left the club, he texted ” thanks babe! I actually only check my phone for the time while I’m playing. Thank you so much for coming out.” He said he was going home to crash, so when I got home I sent him a text “before you crash could I ask one question” to which he replied “sure”. (Any time I text him he always replies immediately). I texted ” I’m kinda embarrassed–was what happened last week a hookup or booty call? Remember this is all new to me.” His response? “Don’t be embarrassed.” I am really interested in him, and he came on to me first a couple of months ago. I had no idea he was remotely interested!! Should this be a “hands off” situation and be chalked up as a one-night stand? If so, it will be my first–and I’m 52 years old (with friends telling me I look 30). HELP!!,

  21. @Alaska…….Quick questions: How old is he? And what exactly do you want from this “relationship?”

  22. He is 36 and very private about his space. As a professional musician, he doesn’t let others into his space easily. I’ve met his roommates, have his number, and have hung out at his home. We have discussed his parents, his mother’s illness,and he remembers personal things about what’s going on in my life. He returns my texts almost immediately. I’d really like a relationship with him. He must have been interested in me from the first time he met me in September but never let on–his roommate said he was like that. He does not have a significant other or female groupies like you might think. I’m not sure how to proceed. I have not contacted him again and don’t plan to. My other post was in a different forum, so to let you know that the first time I hung out at his house, both his female friend and make roommate let me know that he’d been talking about me all the time. They both acted like they’d known me forever. I thought that was very telling. I really want your impressions and thoughts.

  23. @Alaska……..He definitely sounds interested, but to what extent is difficult to determine. Is he looking for someone to hookup with occasionally? Is he looking for a long-term girlfriend? Marriage? Kids? It’s hard to say. We think you need to let him initiate contact etc. and just go with the flow for a bit. There’s not much else you can do. It’s clear he’s attracted to you so that’s good. But it sounds like right now he’s very focused on his career, and doing things for himself. (Which means he probably doesn’t have a ton to give to anyone right now.) We know you say everything thinks you look really young, but does he know your actual age?

  24. He does know my age. I really don’t want to sound conceited–I’ve just been blessed with good genes as far as my looks go. He really surprised me being interested at all, as I was never anything but friendly when I saw him out. I have family who are professionals in the music industry, so I’m never star struck. Guys refer to me as the “cool chick”, because I don’t have a biological clock, I’m financially independent, and I don’t carry baggage or drama in my purse. You’re right that I should let him initiate contact–I always have. I was also surprised that he would drunk text me–why did he pick me? Nothing came from it except texting, but I was faltered that he thought of me–should I be? I’d really like to play this one right. I’m not interviewing for a husband, and that probably makes me more appealing. I do have morals and standards, and I think he knows that.

  25. What is your reaction to his comment of “don’t be embarrassed” when I asked him what the “activities” from the previous week were? He knows I’m out of a 20-year marriage and referred to my ex as a “fool” for letting me go.

  26. @Alaska……You’re lucky to have those kind of genes. As per his comment, “Don’t be embarrassed.” That could mean a lot of things. Don’t be embarrassed, like Don’t feel weird about it, because I’m way into you. Or don’t be embarrassed because it happens. Or don’t be embarrassed because you were good. Or don’t be embarrassed because I want to do it again. It’s hard to say. You know him better than we do. If we had to guess we’d say it means, “Don’t be embarrassed because I’d like to explore this more.” Of course, what “explore” means is the mystery. It could mean have more sex, keep hooking up, explore a relationship, etc. Time will tell on that. Keep us posted.

  27. Hey y’all. I need some help 🙁
    I broke up with my ex about a month ago and a couple weeks ago I reached out to him saying I wanted to try and make things work. He agreed and we decided to try and take things slow. We’ve hung out three times so far in the past two weeks and have had a great time. The last time we got together, he told me that we were “basically” in a relationship and that he wasn’t trying to see anyone else, but we just don’t have the titles yet. He asked me to please be patient with him. I was at first a little upset, but then realized that this was a really great things. Taking things slow and really building a new foundation for the relationship. I figured at this point, it didn’t really matter who texted who first or who asked to hang out with the other. This all happened Tuesday. So Wednesday, he reached out to me about Tuesday night and we sent a couple texts back and forth. Then on Thursday, I decided to reach out to him and have a fun and sexy conversation while he was at work. I then ended the convo to keep him wanting more. Later that night around 7:45, I reached out to him to see if he wanted to hang out after I had dinner with friends. His answers were short and blunt, but he said “yea just let me know when your done.” An hour later, 845, I reached out to him that I was heading home and that I had some good wine for us. He bluntly responded, “I can’t tonight I have to study.” That was it. I was pretty upset that after our sexy convo and after saying he did want to do something, that he basically ditched me. I understand that he has a big test coming up on the 17th, but he could have just said that to begin with. I responded with “I understand, studying comes first, good luck.” He’s running hot and cold. I don’t know what to think! Am I overreacting and just being paranoid?

  28. @Mar……Both. We can see why you’re paranoid. (Things are unclear between the two of you. You know how you feel, but you’re not sure how he feels.) But you’re basing your paranoia over a text. Never a good idea. Guys especially are known for being “to the point” with their communication. This is sometimes great—in a meeting at work—and sometimes not—like in this situation you’re describing. But how does he normally communicate? Is this very different than what he usually does? Is he really expressive, or does he just say it like it is? Maybe your expectations are higher now that you’re giving this another shot?? Just a thought. Our thoughts: It’s only been a few days. Give it some time. We don’t know why you broke up in the first place, but certainly in order for things to work the second time, issues need to be resolved, and you both have to make some adjustments moving forward. Keep us posted and feel free to ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. ps. We do hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz. Share on Facebook or other social networking sites. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  29. Well when we were together, we would text throughout the day and also saw each other almost every day as well. Now that we’re starting over, we’re taking things slow and maybe send a text a day, if that. In the past two weeks, we’ve seen each other only three times. I’m fine with that and I think it’s healthy to create more space between us, but he’s hot and cold. When we’re together, he’s very affectionate and asking me to please be patient with him and that he wants to make it work. When we’re not together, sometimes he’s texting me and having fun and other times he’s just blunt. It sends very mixed signals. I want to be understanding and give him the benefit of the doubt, but the ups and downs are beginning to get exhausting. And no, he’s definitely not the overly-emotional, expressive type. I just don’t want to be led on and have him using me for his convenience…

  30. @Mar…….We hear ya. It doesn’t seem like he’s using you for his convenience. There’s too much of a history there. And he knows how you feel and what you want. He’d have to be pretty cold-hearted to do that. (He’d be more likely to do that with someone new if he was going to do it.) It does sound exhausting. Breaking up. Getting back together. It’s always more exhausting because of the history. Every word, action, gesture is questioned, analyzed, and then over-analyzed. It’s the nature of it. Also, remember, the nature of “taking things slowly” creates the space for this kind of stuff to happen. Since you have the history, much of what’s going on is probably very intimate. Emotionally and physically. But since you’re taking it slowly, you also have this “early stage dating” vibe happening. The two are in stark contrast and don’t often make great neighbors. Pardon our lame analogy. What do you think? We still say it’s too soon to know what’s going on. But we will say, that relationships that start, end, begin again, end, begin again, usually conclude with someone saying: “This is too exhausting and not worth it.” (Something to consider moving forward. Remember, relationships should be energizing, not enervating.)

  31. I completely agree with what you said. It’s a stage of limbo. I’m not sure if I should be initiating contact or if he should. Does he need to chase me or do I need to chase him since I was the one that broke it off? It’s all these silly questions that arise that spring up this uncertainty because there is no certainty.

  32. @Mar……Yes, limbo is the word. Since he canceled last, let him initiate the next get together. Are you two going out at all? Like on dates? Or are these “hang outs” really just hang outs at your prospective dwellings involving sex? If you’re really starting over, we’d advise some dates. Have fun. And keep us posted. Ask as many questions as you’d like.

  33. Haha mainly “hanging out” and watching our tv shows together with sex after. It’s a ton of fun, but I agree, we need to go on some dates. If he does ask to do something, I’ll suggest we actually go out and do something instead of “hanging out.” Thanks for the advice.

  34. @Mar….You’re welcome. Definitely keep us posted. Good luck.

  35. so i like this guy and over the summer he wanted to find out but he lied to my friend jn order to do so and said he liked me. We got into an argument but now were friends again. We started hanging out and they felt like dates. one day when i told him i couldnt be friends with him anymore he kissed me and told me he has a crush on me and thinks he likes me. But then i think im a rebound because he fell for this girl over the summer who ended up playing him and he had said he would wait for her because she said she didnt want a relationship. He keeps saying he wants to kiss me again but he doesnt want a relationship. Do you think hes just not into me? Every weekend we talk until 5 am and were pretty close and im confused.

  36. Hey guys. Update. I didn’t hear from him all day yesterday until 9:30 at night and he said “whats up.” I figured this was going to be another hang out/booty call scenario, so I didn’t respond to him until this morning. We briefly texted and he mentioned how he was black out on Friday night. I called him and we talked about getting together this afternoon to play some basketball and I told him I’d call him after my lunch plans to follow up. Well I called and he didn’t answer. It’s been over three hours and still nothing. He could honestly be still hungover and sleeping or he’s being a complete jerk and blew me off. Not sure what to think. Am I wasting my time waiting for him to come around?

  37. @Mar……We’re not getting a great feeling about this situation. Let him initiate from now on. And if he keeps doing the late night “booty call” texts, it’s time to bail. keep us posted.

  38. @Jane……He’s into you, but not necessarily the way you’re into him. We don’t know how old you are, but it sounds like he’s just looking for something casual with you. Dates, kissing, whatever, but not a relationship. Any more questions? Ask away. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. Follow on Twitter: @TGPBuzz. Take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask the Guys page. Thanks.

  39. Hi I just got dumped by my boyrfriend of whom I have been seeing for the past 2 years. He has been separated from his wife for 5 years now and finally submitted a divorce last december – none of this have been initiated or requested by me.

    He called me last Friday to say he needs to talk to me about his divorcee which somehow I got the feeling that he is now backing off from. So he came to my place and explained to me that his head has been messed up for the last 2 days about the divorce. And finally he said that he is thinking of trying to win his wife back again and he is unable to do so if he is seeing me as well. He said he does not know what actually he wants later. I was shocked as we have been really happy and together for two years.

    He has been to my place before but never stayed as we have always travelled somewhere but since before Christmas he slep over and since then have been staying over now. We spend the New Year together and parted ways on the 2nd and he came over to dump me on the 4th. I just do not understand what have I done wrong – which he has responded to saying nothing as it is him and not me as his head is messed up with the divorce.

    His ex is staying in with another man he came to know last October and he demanded to speak to that guy and interogate him. When he told me about it I asked him the direct question whether he has feelings for her which he replied no but was protective though as he is the mother his son (which by the way is 22 years old).

    He has on numerous occasion told me that he adores me and loves and would never leave me but alas this has happened. I really love him and am really hurt as to I do understand what to do to win him back or will I ever get him back.

    I have told him never to call me again as he said before leaving that he will come me sometime but I said sternly NO never to make that mistake – I was angry but I cannot get him out of my system because I relly do love him and it hurts much.

    What do you think is the chancess for him to return to me as I am not sure whther his ex wife would want him back or not.

  40. Christina // April 30, 2013 at 6:46 pm //

    My name is Christina. I am a senior at my college. I have a class with a hot guy. He started to turn around and talk to my friends and I. Every class he talks to us and he even asked for my number so i can send him the study guide i had for the class. We text each other and one day he asked if i was over 21. I said yes and he than asked if i wanted to go out and have some drinks. I replied late butI said that sounded great. We randomly texted after that but still we never went out for drinks. Our text conversations were short and normally he took forever to reply or sometimes just stopped replying in a conversation.
    One day I told him ill give him a paper for school but it will cost him, flirting joking. He said drinks will be on him . ( through this time we all still talked in our class we shared) so yesterday I was joking and text him saying he still owed me drinks. He replied saying “I do , I will pick you up and we can go out tonight” . So he did and we laughed had a great time. We walked and talked after Than he brought me to his place and we laughed more and discussed our common interest, than he kissed me. We both were barely buzzed. but It was amazing but while he was making out with me , he asked where the line was I than asked him the same. So he replied saying he was a guy and laughed than shortly after we stopped. I didn’t want to hook up so early. so we Sat around a lil and talked and than he was like well i guess you should get going. He said if i wanted to i can stay the night and sleep in the extra bedroom or anything but he was tired , it was 2:30 am on a Monday night. So i went home. today He text me and talked about class and we joked and all a little but after that he stopped replying like he always does. Is he not interested in me or is he ? Idk what his intentions are ? Want should my next move be. We talked of studying with each other and all but that was before he kissed me. Should I still asked if he is ok with getting together. He is an amazing guy , i just don’t want to be played or seem desperate.

  41. @Christina…..He sounds like a player. Be careful here and proceed with your eyes wide open. And let him do the initiating. Honestly, our gut says this is just going to get more confusing. Our advice: Enjoy looking at him in class. But beyond that, keep your expectations low. Good luck.

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