Is he still turned on by me?

Hello Guys,

So I feel my question is a little silly but I’m genuinely curious. I’ll give you a little background so my question makes sense.

I’ve been dating a guy for two and a half years, living together for just over a year. We have sex fairly regularly, about four times a week, lately it’s been two, sometimes three. So my question is: Whenever we used to make out or take showers together he would get kinda a semi-boner if that makes sense. Over the last month or so he no longer does. Our relationship is fine overall and while I don’t like admitting it, it bothered me a bit at first as pathetic as that sounds. (It was nice to know I had some affect on him.) I guess my question is…why doesn’t it happen anymore? Thanks for answering!!

Curious Gal

Dear Curious Gal,

Thanks for your question. And no, it’s not silly. If you can’t ask a bunch of guys, a question about guys, then who can you ask!?

First off, it sounds as if your sex life is quite alive and well. Sure, your frequency may have dipped a tad, but honestly, don’t fret about the numbers, it’s more about regularity.

So why is he not showing his excitement in the shower these days?

It could be for of a variety of reasons, but we doubt it’s because he’s not into you or turned on by you. If he still wants to have sex multiple times a week then he has plenty of desire left for you.

For a guy, having sex with someone new is an incredible high, like a powerful drug. (You’ve heard it before, we’re sure.) But a new relationship can only be new for so long, then it becomes familiar and not as exciting/new and more of the “drug” is needed to create the same high. This varies from person to person, couple to couple, guy to guy. Sometimes the high can last years, sometimes months, sometimes less. But eventually for most guys their insatiable drive begins to wane a bit.

Of course, other factors could be also be part of the equation.

Age: Yes, as guys get older, testosterone levels can dip, which of course, can affect desire.

Stress: If he’s stressed at work, or about family, or anything else, this can seriously impact his libido.

Down Cycle: Most often the term cycle is referred to when discussing women. But men have their own sort of fluctuating daily cycle. Here’s a typical day for many men: Horny about two hours after waking up. Midday dip, maybe after lunch. Another rise after in later afternoon to early evening followed by a bigger dip in the late evening after a long day at work.

The good news is that a slight dip in the passion department is often replaced by a deeper, emotional connection. It sounds like the two of you have reached a new phase in your relationship and we’d say that’s a good thing.

So no need to panic. Relax and enjoy the fact that the two of you have a healthy sex life and a good connection beyond the shower.

All the best,


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