Is he stubborn or just not into me?

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This Week’s Questions:

The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

Sex after child

Last week’s questions:

Men and their Guy Trips

Did he ever care at all?

Four years and counting: What’s he thinking?

Questions to come:


Am I being played?

Is he playing me?

Dear Guys,

I met this guy in like August or September and he still occasionally texts me to hang out-not everyday, but like a couple times in a week. But then he won’t text me for a while.

He does a lot of things that confuse me a bit, but recently he does this thing where he will text me to hang out and I’ll say, “Yeah.” And then after my response he won’t text me back. What is the point of that? He’s done that two or three times, and the most recent time I turned him down cause I was working. Another time I just didn’t see his text, so I responded a few days later when I saw it.

Sooo is it possible he thinks I’m playing him and he’s doing it in return? Because I do have a history of being flaky with him, but not recently.


Dear Kate,

Thanks for writing to us.

We have a question for you. Why do you two only text with this guy? It seems to us that you need to do less texting and more actual talking.

Yes, some of his actions are confusing, but to us, the way both of you are conducting yourselves in this “relationship” seems confusing. Texting in general often leads to misunderstanding. Please talk to him by phone or in person and square some things away.

And Kate, you need to decide if you’re really into this guy, or just into him right now. It’s not like your getting a whole lot from him. If you really are into him start talking to him about how you feel, and see if you can get some information from him about where he stands. If you’re not really that into him, find someone who is going to be more reliable. Reliability is an important quality to have in a partner. It’s a first cousin of trust.

Good luck,


27 Comments on Is he stubborn or just not into me?

  1. My guy and i have been together for a year and it seems that everytime we have a fall out, where he upsets me and he doesnt see my aspect on it, and or vice versa, we become distant and sometimes i may even say “i dont need this” etc, as if i am leaving him but he doesnt seem to show that he values the relationship or me because he doesnt make an effort to fight for it. He can go weeks without calling and i am always the one to reach out first because i dont want to give the opportunity for us to really fall out of love or he even meet someone else. Its to the point now where i dont know if i should pop up at his house and ask him does he really want to work it out. I texted him so many times yesterday just plain and simple telling him why does he not make an effort and no response. he always says he doesnt want to argue. I dont know whether he is that stubborn or is he just not interested.

  2. @MiMi…..please use the Ask the Guys form to contact us. We’d be happy to answer your question. Thanks for writing.

  3. Hey Guys, I really like this guy. He is the type that plays around, and he tells me about the girls he likes. And we can tell each other anything. But how do I get him to like me?

  4. Hi, 10months ago i broke off a 6 year engagement because things just werent right anymore and I was having feelings for someone else. Since then that “someone else” has become my bestfriend and we have sex alot. My feelings for him are so strong and he knows that but tells me alot that he needs to get his life in line before he can have a girlfriend. He calls/texts me almost everyday, and I see him EVERYDAY. He sleeps over sometimes and recently he told me I needed to stop having feelings for him because he was “seeing someone” and he doesnt like when people ask him if we are dating yet we go everywhere together. I am 95% sure he is NOT seeing someone because we still spend every night together and also 95% sure he has not had sex with anyone but me since the first time we hooked up back in MARCH. I know he is an emotional unstable guy and very insecure but I just dont know what to do. I enjoy hanging out with him and we dont even have sex everytime he sleeps over, and since he told me to stop having feelings for him like 2 months ago the sparks started to fly again with us like a month later. I am never the one to call him/text him because I dont want him to feel smoothered by me. But I want more, I am ready for more. I live with one of his best guy friends on a roomate level and he doesnt hide any of this from him. I just dont understand it anymore, my life revolves around this and I dont want it to anymore and i just want to get to the bottom of it. I am looking for your opinion. Do you think he has feelings for me? Am I being used? I hate this feeling ALOT, but i think I am in love with him.

  5. @Kelly….thanks for your question. Please submit on our Ask the Guys page. That’s where we field questions. Take care.

  6. Marci Levy // April 20, 2012 at 12:22 pm //

    Thanks Rori again for posting this. I think I have actually decided not to meet this guy, as some of the things he says just don’t seem right. The term I would want to use is “creeper.”

  7. Guy only calls at night and ignores my IMs and emails sent during the day. Why does he even bother? We haven’t even set up any dates?

    Should I just ignore the calls? I’ve tried telling him not to call so late at night and I still see him trolling the dating site that we started talking on, too.

    Is it safe to say I’m the back burner or something? I’m not down with that. He keeps telling me he’s interested but I am wondering what is really going on.

  8. @Rosetta……Any guy calling late at night only is not interested in much more than sex. Or like you said, he sees you as a safety, a back-burner. We wouldn’t spend a lot more time on this. How long has this been going on? How long have you been in touch with him?

  9. Joanne Cronin // November 8, 2012 at 8:22 am //

    Hi i’m dating this guy for a couple of months and he suddenly stopped texting for no reason. He used to text me at least once a day and it just stopped. Now he only texts once out of the blue moon to say hi. Do you think he may only want to be friends

  10. @Joanne….Are you still seeing him? Meaning, do the two of you go on dates still, or is it just texting now?

  11. scorpio // March 1, 2013 at 2:36 am //

    Ive been seeing this guy for 5 years. after our 1st date we have been together spending nearly every night together. when we were talking he said ive been after you for 20 yrs. he told me everything about me. well we got into a really bad arguement and now we stay at seperate places. hes the only man i had sex with in 5 yrs. i truly love him. he got pissed because i told him his kids were using him. on his phone there are a few names the rest is numbers. he likes to leave on the weekends by himself when hes done he comes back to me. now he has turned his phone off told me quit calling and texting was there ever any love on his part he never said i love you.

  12. @Scorpio….It’s hard to say what’s going on. But if he’s been with you for five years it’s probably because he cares for you.

  13. Ok. So when I changed schools for some reason a lot of guys seem to like me. I went out with one of the guys there for about 3 months, then he broke up with me. Its been like 5 or 6 months since we’ve broke up and I think I still like him. He confuses me though. We still talk and everything but when other guys are around he is always touching me. He does things like putting his hand on my a**. Does he still like me or he just being a horny perv? I don’t have much guy experience.

  14. @Bitty….Sounds like he’s trying to protect his “territory.” Yes, guys will do this even if they don’t actually want the girl they’re doing it to. (Want in the sense of a relationship.) He’s also being a horny perv as you say. Time to move on. And really, stop letting him put his hands on you. If he’s not serious about you, he doesn’t get to have the “benefits” that come with being in a committed relationship. Move on.

  15. I am 21 years old and I have been talking to this guy who just turned 40. Recently we haven’t been talking I told him how I felt over a text message because I really started caring about him. After me trying so hard trying to get back how we was when we first met which was talking and laughing on the phone, texting all day and more. All of a sudden he started acting different he told me once before that I’m going to end up making him fallin love with me. I think that’s what he might be scared of so he started acting very distant to the point I gave up trying and I told him that I give up. He acts like he wants to speak to me when he see me but he just looks at me, he pretends to work on his car when I come outside, he stares at me, I’m not sure if he is stubborn or maybe he just doesn’t want me anymore he gives me mixed signals like one minute he likes me and the next he just acts another way.

  16. @Tay…..Coule it be that he’s concerned about your age difference? And it’s more than that. It’s your stage of life. If he was 60 and you 41 it wouldn’t be that big deal. But where you’re at, and where he’s at, are very different. He also knows that his peer group is not going to accept him having some sort of relationship with a 21 year old. What do you think? Questions: Is he divorced? Does he have kids? What’s he do for work? How did this “talking” begin?

  17. Never been married, he has a 16 year old son, he has his own business, it began when I came to him and introduced myself when he was cleaning his car.

  18. @Tay……Okay. Thanks for filling us in. Obviously we can’t read his mind, but based on the info you provided we’d say he had a change of heart. Or rather, at the beginning he wasn’t thinking and just saw an attractive girl and went with it. But then he started thinking about what it was, how it looked, the fact that you’re only a few years older than his son, and he decided it wasn’t a good idea. Once again, we think your age different/stage of life difference is the issue for him.

  19. @All the Women out THere…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

  20. Brianna Reynolds // September 20, 2016 at 5:59 pm //

    My boyfriend texted me last Monday, he said “Hey….idk how to put this. I really do like you but I just feel like we’ve been spending a lot of time together but I feel smothered and I’ve been being a dick to Bobby and Jordan lately because I haven’t been able to hangout with them and I miss that because they are brothers to me and I just feel like I need some time for me.” He said that we were breaking up. My question is, Will we get back together, if so. How much time should I give him? Was he just putting it in a better way then just saying we need to break up or what? We were perfectly fine the day before. I just don’t understand the whole I need time with my friends because every time I was with him, we were with either Bobby or Jordan. There was like 3 times that we weren’t. If we talked once since then and he said “Yes, I still like you I just need to be by myself for awhile.” Like awhile is a LONG time. His mom and I are pretty close so I do still talk to her, she has told me that he as gotten himself into a lot of trouble with grades and stuff, I’m just wandering if that could be why he needs this time to himself?

  21. @Brianna…..We’re sorry. Hope you’re doing okay. We’ll think on this and get back to you tomorrow. Question: How old are you? Him? How long did you date? Any other details? ps. Also, in the meantime, check out our post on The Perfect Guy? We’d love to hear your thoughts.

  22. Brianna Reynolds // September 20, 2016 at 8:23 pm //

    I am 16, we have been dating for a month, although weve sorta been talking for about 4 months. He knows how bad my depression is and decided to break up with me on the night that I told him my mom was ill. WE’ve talked about being together for a long time and hopefully getting married one day and having kids and all. I know that might sound kind of crazy. But we were soo good with one another that it all made sense when we talked about it.

  23. @Brianna……We understand. Relationships are very exciting, especially at the beginning stages when both people are completely infatuated with one another. That said, maybe you were serious when talking about the future, but if your ex is anything like most 16 year old boys, he can’t think beyond the next day, let alone a lifetime. We know this is sad for you, but we’d encourage you to take a short break from dating, try to regroup, and then begin anew with less thought about marriage and kids, and more thought about learning and growing as a young woman by dating and having fun. Hang in there Brianna. Let us know if you have any other follow-up questions. And please share our site with all your friends. Like our Facebook page, The Guy’s Perspective. Thanks.

  24. Hi I had a boyfriend for 6 months, he bought me nothing he had not a great deal of it at the end of the week. Then he was made redundant he got a payout and we are not together. I come out of a bad relationship of 10 years and found this boyfriend and didn’t handle arguments very well. Iam now getting counseling to help me deal with it better but my ex boyfriend says he doesn’t want to be with me! I can’t let go please help me.

  25. @Leanne….We’re sorry. But you can’t force him to feel a certain way. We’d suggest you focus on yourself and give it some time, and then try to reconnect with him down the road. (Is this a guarantee that he’ll still be there? No, because there are no guarantees. He could move on, find someone else.) However, if you push the issue now he’ll likely shut you out for good.

  26. Hi,
    My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. He basically said he wasn’t happy and whatever he does he thinks it can’t make me happy. It was a period of my life when I was busy and didn’t put enough time in our relationship. He said he come to this decision and thought about it for a period of time and even cried over it. I started begging him and said in a week I’m done with my studies and I will the effort to our relationship if he could give us another chance. But he said he needs to be alone. When I was packing my stuff from his place he start crying but didn’t stop me to leave. I cried alot and said please ton ignore me and reply to my texts. He promised he will. And when I text him he replied but he is very cold. I don’t know what do do? Should I give him some time? And try again?

  27. @Sara…..We’re sorry. Did he say anything more besides that he needs to be alone? Any more details other than that?

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