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Is he too into me?

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Dear Guys,

So I met an amazing guy. He is intelligent, funny, outdoorsy, in a band, all the things a girl could want. We met through mutual friends about two months ago and hit if off immediately. We stayed up the whole night going on randmon spontaneous adventures and ended up cuddling by the end.

Since then we have been seeing each other. (We have not talked about being exclusive). The dates have been great, creative, stimulating and I feel overall very comfortable with him and like him a lot. I fell asleep one night at his place early on, and since then we have been spending the night at each other’s places multiple times per week. We have fooled around but have not had sex yet.

Anyways, I am afraid maybe he is too into me and it makes me uncomfortable. He is a super energetic, friendly person so it his hard to tell if he is just his enthusiastic personality. I happen to know through friends that he liked me so much he was freaking out about what to do when he asked me out and he told everyone (friends, family) all about me right away. He left his pillow at my house— since I don’t sleep with one—and texts me everyday with random things and to see how I am. I have casually met his family, and when my parents were out of town for the holidays he invited me to his place. (I did not go, becuase it seemed too soon). He did get me a simple and thoughtful Christmas gift. He invited me to things a month in advance when we first started dating. He gives me space if I am busy or out with friends, and he certainly has his own busy life, but he wants to know everything about me, and I cannot shake the feeling that it is too intense. I have never really been in a relationship, so maybe it is just me?

Kaitlin

Dear Kaitlin,

Thanks for your question.

So you need to ask yourself why this bothers you? Is it because in your heart of hearts you’re not sure you feel the same way about him? Or maybe you are a bit more cautious person and like to take things slowly? But from what you describe he sounds like a wonderful guy—the kind of person that everyone is looking for.

However, Kaitlin, just because he does so many wonderful things doesn’t mean he’s perfect for you. Love is a mystery. Sometimes we meet incredible people that we feel we should love, but there’s just no spark. Sometimes we get pressure from family and friends because they think a person is perfect for us, but for some reason they’re not. You are the only one who really knows how you feel.

Having said that, if it’s just your inexperience talking, or some other fear, maybe you can’t see the situation clearly. Maybe his intensity is clouding your perception of him. Here are the positive we see in him.

1. He is interested in everything about you. More than just sex.

2. He’s a solid communicator. Responsible. Follows through.

3. Positive person. Upbeat.

4. Independent person. Has his own life and gives you space.

5. Really cares about you.

6. Probably much more.

Kaitlin, believe it or not, guys are no different than girls when it comes to dating. When we meet someone we really like we get giddy, nervous, anxious, excited, silly, and yes, we even freak out. We ask our friends what to do, even though we know they won’t be much help. We try to figure out the best strategy to get the girl to go out on a date with us. Then we over plan and over think the first date. It’s quite amusing actually. But all of these intense feelings actually are good. Ask yourself: Do you really want to date a guy who just wants to hang out, watch movies, order Chinese, and then have sex? Do you really want a guy who tries to be Mr. Cool? Do you really want a guy who doesn’t call when he says he’s going to? And a guy who doesn’t want to know anything about you except your bra size? Think about it.

But we’ll finish our answer by coming back to what we said initially. It doesn’t matter how wonderful someone is on paper, you still need to feel those butterflies in your stomach. It’s up to you to figure that out. Just don’t let fear get in your way. He does sound like a solid guy. And be happy that he’s way into you. It’s so much better than the alternative.

Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question, and definitely keep us posted. Leave us a comment here in the comments section and we’ll respond here as well.

Readers, please give your opinions as well!

THE GUYS

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29 Comments on Is he too into me?

  1. Dear Guys,
    So there’s this guy at my school, who acts somehow strangely. There are times when we have a serious discussion on politics or something like that, and there are times when he sees me and does stupid things. During the I.T. lesson his desk was next to mine, and he would tickle me the whole time and wouldn’t stop if the teacher didn’t tell him to. He looks at me sometimes. Also, a few days ago, I was leaving from school with a friend and he was a few meters away, and he appeared to be talking with somebody on the phone, or acting it. He said loudly ”Hello baby” on the phone. So what is he trying to do? Does he like me or something else?
    Thank you in advance.

  2. @Nancy….It certainly sounds like he’s interested based on his actions. That phone call doesn’t mean anything. Like you said, he could have been pretending. (Likely) Keep doing what you’re doing and see what happens. But let him take the initiative, that way you’ll know if he’s really interested. Sounds good so far. ps. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.” You might enjoy it! And let your friends know about us. Thanks! (Please consider a small donation to THE GUYS. Use PayPal button on any page of site.) No pressure of course, we’re happy to answer as many questions as you’ve got.

  3. Hi Guys,

    How would one know if after going out with a guy for more than a month, whether he likes you just as a friend or is romantically inclined towards you? We both are 27 yrs old. I have been hanging out with this guy for a month now – we have gone out for movies, coffee and lunches and meet once or twice a week. He normally calls me up and asks me out and we have a great time together. I usually do not initiate contact. At the same time, we don’t exchange text messages or generally chat on the phone with each other. But he always calls me when he has some good news to share or he wants help with something. He has also shown quite a bit of care when I mentioned to him about having a dental problem (he took me to visit his dentist) and also took me to his car mechanic who fixes his car, as my car needed some maintenance work to be done. We have not had sex yet, but we have exchanged banter around it. I do like him and enjoy the time I spend with him. But I don’t know what he feels – am I just another friend to him or is there a chance that he may be romatically inclined or is he just taking it slow. I don’t want to ask him. Please help me figure him out!

    Thanks,
    Shakira

  4. @Shakira…….Has there been any sort of physical display of affection? Hugging? Kissing? Anything more? To us it sounds like he’s into you. A guy doesn’t typically take a woman he just met to the dentist or mechanic unless he’s interested in being more than friends. Does he try to pay for you, or do you go dutch?

  5. He touches my arm and my hands quite a bit while talking. He also constanly puts his arms around my shoulders when we walk. When I am with him in his car and he is driving, he does at times while talking put his hands on my legs. But no kissing or hugging. Actually once during one of our conversations, he did mention that he is not much into PDA. And yes, he always pays when we are out and insists on doing so. We never go dutch and I think I would have paid only twice in so many times that we have gone out. But my question is why does he not call more often than once or twice a week or text me if he is interested in being more than friends? If I do call him, he takes my call only if he is free to talk. Else, he calls me back at his own pace. Is he looking at me as one of his options or is he taking it slow?

  6. @Shakira….It sounds like he might be taking it slow, and that he’s not exactly sure how you feel. But please, let him be the initiator. Let him be the one to call, or ask you out. (At least for a while until it’s clear how this is going.) At this point you may only be one of his options, but what is he supposed to do? Drop everything when he’s not sure? Lots of people keep dating until they’re sure about one person. Just be patient and let this play out. It’s too soon to know one way or another. But from everything you’re saying, this sounds pretty positive. Keep us posted.

  7. Thanks guys. I guess being patient would be the best thing to do. Hopefully things will move forward. I will keep you posted. Thanks a lot again.

  8. @Shakira…..You’re welcome.

  9. Hi guys, a quick update. I was travelling for almost 10 days and during that time, this guy whom I have been going out with messaged me a couple of times. I told him, I was out of town. He never called while I was away. After I got back, I called him and the first thing he said was that he missed me a lot while I was away. And during the conversation, he mentioned to me about another girl (an air hostess) whom he had met and went out with a couple of times, when I was not there. He said that she wanted to get to know him better but he was not very keen. Then last night, close to midnight he texted me asking me if I was awake to talk to him. I was asleep by then, so texted him back today morning. He called me and said that he had just wanted to talk to me and so had texted me at night. We spoke for a while and then I heard somebody else’s voice (sounded like an old lady) in the room. So I asked him whether he was with someone and he mentioned that he was at this girl’s house. But I am not sure if she was around. I was quite surprised that he had called me from there and I asked him how things were going between them. He then just said that he would call me back and hung up. I am not sure, but I do think that I am right now in the friend zone and nothing more. But I was wondering why would he text me at midnight to talk to me if he is keen on that girl and then call me while he was at her place. Thats confusing. Though I really like him, I don’t want to read more into this if there is nothing from his side. Why do you think he is behaving like this?

    Thanks,
    Shakira

  10. @Shakira…..Nice to hear from you. Obviously he cares about you and respects your opinion and likes talking to you. But we’re not sure if there’s anything more going on. And actually the fact that he called you from this other girl’s house in some ways confirms this. Because if he felt you were competition to her he might feel too awkward to call you from there. Does that make sense? But if he sees you as just a friend then he might not feel so weird to call from her house. The midnight phone call, well, it’s hard to say. Give this a little more time, but if nothing happens soon we’d say it’s time to move on. Last note: The fact that he’s telling you about some new girl that he’s dating is not the greatest sign, especially when he knows you’re single and available. Take care and yes, keep us posted.

  11. Thanks guys! I think so too that its time to move on. I don’t think waiting around makes any sense. I am happy for him, coz he is a nice guy. I will let you know if something changes. Thanks for your advice.

    Shakira

  12. @Shakira…..You’re welcome. Yes, be in touch.

  13. Dear guys,
    I’m Nancy from the previous comments. This guy at my school seems like he’s playing with me. For example, today he and some other guys were sitting on a bench and I was walking by with a friend of mine after the gym, and he asked “Wassup Nancy, did you exercise enough today?” and I said that I was just sitting on the court, and then he said “So you’re joining the lazy coffee team” I said I don’t drink coffee, he said “What will your dad say if you don’t exercise enough?” I said he knows and that he wouldn’t care. Also, when I came out with a bag on my back to go to the library for the internet, he asked “And where are you going now?” I answered to the library for some net surfing, he asked “With the schoolbag?” I said it’s got my laptop inside. All of these things, he was speaking somehow playfully and ironically at the same time. Also there are times he passes by and greets me like “‘Ey Nancy” with the same way I mentioned he speaks and I greet him the same way he does. So? I suspect that he knows that I like him from the signs, even though I’ve told nobody about it.
    Thank you in advance.

  14. @Nancy…….There’s definitely some games going on here. The question is what is he trying to say to you when he refers to your exercise or lack of exercise? Is he commenting about your physical appearance, your body, what? Because to us, he seems like he’s kind of wading into the derogatory territory, not just being playful. Fill us in. But our first reaction is: This guy is not interested in more then messing with your head.

  15. I don’t think there’s something wrong with my appearance, I’m thin and I dress simply. Also, a few minutes after I sent the previous message, the other guys that were sitting with him walked in the library, and they muttered something like “oh, here she is” or something, and then walked to the other room.

  16. @Nancy….Well that’s good to know. He still seems like a player to us.

  17. Dear guys I just got out of a relationship with someone. I’ve been single for 5 months and think its time to meet new people. I met this guy that also just for out of a relationship, he’s been single for about 3 months now . I know that’s not a long time but we been talking for two weeks going on three. I like him a lot but I don’t know if he’s into me . He’s only aske to hang put once and then didn’t because something came up. I’ve asked to hangout two times and he didn’t want to. So my question here is when will he ask me out or if he’s even into me? We text most of the time and I’m always the one to text him first, and I should add that we go to the same college. He asked me to come to a party with him and I went, but the whoke time he didnt pay much attion to me, I was talking to one of his guy friend that was very cool, was it all a set up or and I getting ahead of my self here ?I really don’t know if he’s being nice or if he’s not ready to meet other people. Should I move on or give it more time?

  18. @Aaliyah….Well, certainly give it some more time, BUT…..from what you’re telling us he certainly doesn’t seem as into it as you. From now on, let him take some initiative. Then you’ll really know whether or not he’s interested. Feel free to ask us as many follow up questions as you’d like. And keep us posted as this progresses. ps. Please let your friends know about our site. Share on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  19. Mmmm….. I don’t want to be the pesimist here, but…. I have been in two relationships where the guys were TOO into me. It felt really cool to have some one to care too much about you, but eventually the TWO guys ended up doing the same: their too intense emotions and interest resulted in SUPER JEALOUS behavior. I became afraid that any of my actions would made them sad and angry, they would cry all the time, etc, etc. Until finally, BOTH dumped me for a new girl. And I felt like trash thinking that it was my fault. So I can’t trust guys with too intense feelings anymore 🙁

  20. @Nelly….Thanks for sharing. Sorry, that is a bummer. You’re right. Someone being too intense isn’t great; it also shows a basic insecurity they might have. However, have you wondered why you’re picking these types of guys? Something to consider. We hope you’ll share our site with your friends. Thanks.

  21. just my opinion // December 24, 2012 at 3:58 am //

    i totally envy this girl kaitlin, i mean she’s got herself a great person pursuing her and she’s hesitating about his intensity. how i’d hope to find someone like this too! lol 🙂 he seems like a really great person, and if i were her, i’d definitely go for him. guys like him, is a RARITY.

  22. @just my opinion……Thanks for sharing.

  23. Hi Guys,
    I was in a 12 yr abusive relationship. I’ve been single about 2 years so I decided that I was ready to start dating. I met this guy online dating about 2 months ago. I liked that he never talked sex with me, he didn’t ask my number right off the bat like most guys so I gave him my number. Since then we have talked on the phone for hours, text like crazy. He took me on 4 dates and we have hung out watching movies at his place 3 times. We have messed around and talked about sex but we have not had sex yet. He wants to plan a special night when we r ready for that level. But I often wonder is he just doing n telling me what I wanna hear? He has talked about a future together before I even met him in person. He’s very affectionate and listens to everything I say. He wants me to meet his family, but not our kids just yet. That’s another thing he wants to plan when the time is right. I agree.
    Is my past making me afraid or is this guy rushing things? It feels so pod to be treated this way I wonder if I’m being stupid. I really like him alot and feel very comfortable when I’m with him. I just dunno if he is into me or the chase. Are these red flags of a needy clingy person. Help! If he’s great I don’t wanna ruin it with my fears, if he’s awful I don’t wanna waste my time n get hurt.

  24. @Joseline……We don’t know the guy personally so it’s hard to say. What do you think? Does he seem the clingy sort? Remember, you’re on high alert based on your previous relationship and that it’s not fair to lump this guy with your past. Also, when things feel right they usually progress rather quickly. And it’s not like you’re both in your teens. You’ve been around the block and so has he. Just go with the flow and see how this progresses. We know you’re scared but you’ve got to open yourself up if you’re going to be in a relationship. We’re not talking sex, we’re talking emotionally. Of course we’re not saying he’s the right guy for you necessarily, just that you’ll never really know unless you give him a chance.

  25. leap of faith // July 18, 2013 at 1:20 am //

    Hi Guys.

    Lately I’ve been seeing this guy. He’s smart, funny, good looking, has friends, a life of his own, two jobs and is thinking about going back to school. We have nothing in common, but he’s shown a lot of interest in learning about my things, and I’m totally down to learn about his. He’s always super nice to me when we hang out; he asks my preferences, wants me to make the plans, holds doors, pays for me, walks me to the bus and makes sure I get home alright by making me text him when I’m home (since I have to walk through a kind of seedy neighborhood). We kind of got off to a rocky start because I’m socially awkward, we were ignoring each other pretty pointedly for a couple weeks. But over the course of the last month we went from texting a few times a week, to every day, to hanging out nearly every day. He texts me at every break and during lunch, and wants to spend all his free time with me. Although he’s very touchy with me (lots of hand holding, hugging, kissing, holding, cuddling sometimes if we’re in the park stargazing, etc, but never touching in “intimate” areas) he’s just now starting to act a little sexual towards me, and he’s asked if I think he’s boyfriend material, if I want to be his girlfriend, etc.

    I’ve had several abusive relationships and I’ve been played hard a lot. I stopped dating for a year and a half in order to sort out why that was happening and how to fix that … Mr. Wonderful here is my first attempt to step back into the dating pool. Honestly he seems almost too good to be true, and part of me is really scared he’s being way nice just until he gets into my pants, or that he’s one of those clingy obsessive types that will try to control the s*** out of me. 🙁 I realize I probably have issues because of my past, but does he sound for real? Can guys actually be that nice and still be … genuine?

  26. @Leap of faith…..Yes, there are guys who can be all of what you’re looking for. Is this guy for real? We have no idea. You’ll only know if you take the risk to find out. Wish we had a crystal ball but that’s above our pay grade. Good luck. From what you’re describing he sounds nice. Keep us posted.

  27. leapoffaith // September 13, 2013 at 5:26 am //

    Hi Guys. I thought I woould update you as promised. Mr. Wonderful and I have been dating now for close to two months and it’s all going downhill. I don’t know what happened. We had sex and then he started pulling away. I played it cool at first because I know guys are like that, but he started getting more and more distant. Finally I broke down and asked him if he’d lost interest and he said no, but he’s at the point where he won’t make time to hang out with me unless it’s in his bed (he won’t make the effort to come to my place) and even then sometimes no. He says he’s busy but he has no problem going to hang out with his friends. In fact he puts his friends first always now, and now treats his female friends more affecionately than me. A few nights ago I was with him and I saw on his phone an OKCupid notification pop up, which he quickly hid. So I did a sneaky thing and I went and looked him up. He’s got an active profile that “responds frequently.” Anyway. I’m completely crushed. He seemed like such a nice catch. Oh well.

  28. Dear guys,
    There is this guy that I met and I like but we haven’t started dating but he always texts me and normally I don’t mind this but I think he thinks he’s in love with me and he wants to make me a gift but I’m not sure where any of it is going and kinda makes me nervous
    Thanks,
    Jodie

  29. @Jodie…….How does it make you nervous? Meaning, you don’t like him as much as he likes you? Have you met up at all or just texted? (How old are the two of you?)

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