Is my ex-boyfriend still into me?

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Hi Guys,

I’m 14 and broke up with a guy about 6 weeks ago. We had been good friends for a year or so and we both liked each other for quite a while before we started going out. We only dated a few months, and we broke up because he said that I was flirty with other guys. He also said he is really stressed about his schedule since he is juggling school, homework, and sports. This makes it difficult to see each other.

Since we broke up he has been texting me almost everyday, but then sometimes he ignores me at school, especially around his football friends. Usually he starts texting me as soon as he finishes practice. There are other times that he talks to me or hugs me at school. I have asked him if he is over me and he says he isn’t. He has told me by text that he still misses me, but then a few days later he’ll tell me that I am not faithful because I flirt with others boys in class. He says that his football friends tell him everything.  He seems to know who is interested in me, and tells me the names of the boys.

Recently, the subject of Homecoming Dance came up. I asked him if he was going with anyone, and he said probably not. I’ve been hinting that I’m interested, but he hasn’t done anything about it. He then told me that a friend of his wants to ask me to Homecoming. He said that he wasn’t going to interfere with his friend’s plan since he knows that his friend wouldn’t do that to him. He said that if I wanted to go with his friend, it would be okay. Then he said, “I guess it would.”  I told him (by text) that I wanted to go with him, and I told him that I liked him. I didn’t get a response last night. I am so confused.

Does he still like me and just is trying to deal with his confusion and hurt feelings? Does he really want me to go to the dance with this other guy? Is this just a test to see how I feel about him? Help!!!! :[


Dear Anne,

Thanks for your question.

One thing’s for certain: If you go to the dance with this other guy you can kiss any chance you might have with your ex-boyfriend goodbye. So let’s start off by saying: Do not go to the dance unless you go with your ex.

Now let’s back up and start from the beginning. We think your ex-boyfriend still likes you, and probably never really wanted to break up with you in the first place. If he’s around your age it’s likely he’s just beginning to explore the world of girls and dating. This makes sense to us because his inexperience is causing him to be jealous. And instead of talking about how he feels with you, he’s placing the blame on you, calling you unfaithful and a flirt.

One word of caution Anne: You don’t want to be with someone who tries to control your every move. So if the two of you DO get back together, make sure you still have the freedom to be yourself, and hang out with the people you want to hang out with. This doesn’t mean you get a free pass to do whatever you feel like doing; it just means you don’t want to be with someone who stifles you.

Another complication here is how easily he’s influenced by his football friends. Of course this is pretty typical for teenagers. It’s the rare individual who can walk his own walk, even under the watchful eyes of his peers. In fact for many young people, the most important part of their lives is being accepted and liked by their peer group. This would explain why he acts differently when he’s at school and even more differently around his football buddies. And this is all part of the overall picture that tells us he’s insecure and very unsure of himself. (It doesn’t matter how he acts outwardly. Inside he’s confused, hurt, and unsure of himself.)

So how do we solve this problem? Let’s look at several issues, questions, and scenarios that you are facing.

1. If you go with his friend to the dance he’ll be crushed, and it’s unlikely he’ll ever go out with you again.

2. Even if he goes with you to the dance, he might feel uncomfortable about it because he knows his friend is also into you. And once again, being part of that peer group (The football guys) might take precedence over being with you.

3. How can you find out if he really wants to go out with you again without completely putting yourself at risk for rejection?

4. If the two of you go back out together, who’s to say he won’t start accusing you of “cheating” again?

The best case scenario is: You let him know how you feel and hopefully he’ll step up to the plate and ask you to the dance. If this doesn’t happen the next possibility is to ask HIM to the dance. We know this isn’t typically how things are done—and this certainly puts you in a precarious position of being hurt—but you will get an actual answer, and won’t be left wondering. Finally, you could also let him know you still like him and then leave the ball in his court. Meaning tell him you’d like to be with him again, but once you have that conversation, stop the casual flirting and texting until he really shows that he’s serious about going out with you again.

Finally we just want to say that part of what’s going on is par for the course for young people your age. We’re not saying that your feelings aren’t real. They are! But we are saying that young people, especially boys, are pretty fickle at this age. And even if you play this exactly right it still might not work out because of your respective ages.

We hope this at least gives you some insight into your situation. Leave us a comment and keep us posted.

Good luck,


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32 Comments on Is my ex-boyfriend still into me?

  1. Hi Guys! Thanks for the advice! I just made a donation since you Guys are wonderful! 🙂 I understand completely what you are saying. (1) If anything is going to happen at all, the ball is on his court right? So I’ve been dating guys but not getting physical with any of them. (2) How do I know if I am ‘sex + girlfriend’ as opposed to just sex? (2) Is it true that a guy would truly move to be with me if he was extremely into me? I’m not sure if you track IP addresses but I’m not actually where my IP address says.

  2. @Sally…..First of all, thank you for your donation. We appreciate it. To your questions. 1. Yes. The ball is in his court, but we wouldn’t wait around. 2. It all depends. Are these new guys taking you out on the town or do they just want to “hang out” at their apartment. Are you meeting their friends/family? Do they talk about anything meaningful? Those would be signs that you’re more than just a booty call. 3. Yes, a guy would move. He might also ask if you would move. (If he had a really good job, or a house or something like that.) Bottom line: We think when you meet the right guy you’ll see that many of your questions will disappear. It will be clear that he’s into you. That’s why we keep saying, this guy is not your guy. Have fun out there. And be smart and safe. You deserve a guy who loves and respects you the way you love and respect him. He’s out there. Don’t settle.

  3. Honestly all these guys (3) are doing everything that a guy who seems to want more would do. Out for dinner/lunch, introduce me to friends, take me to friends’ goodbye parties, not get angry when I say ‘I’m not ready for that’ (“that” = kiss, sex, all the physical stuff), talk about ‘meaningful’ stuff like family/work, not look at other girls/other people while we’re out, on time, plan ahead, never flake etc. HOWEVER, SO DID THE LAST GUY (THE EX)!!! And now, let me confess, I’m not the best girl either. I hacked into his online diary and read everything he wrote. Of course he could have lied in his personal diary that he keeps that he told no one about but anyways, I felt safe to care about that EX because he was so genuine (actions, diary, friends, everything). I cross checked everything he said and practically knew where he was every day, etc. We didn’t start off fast and he never said sweet words/lie to get in my pants. I trusted he liked me but you Guys are saying I’m wrong. “We think when you meet the right guy you’ll see that many of your questions will disappear. It will be clear that he’s into you.” Not to be narcissistic, but many guys are ‘into’ me. However, it may just be lust or it may not be genuine. How do I tell the difference? I don’t want to get emotionally involve with anyone who is going to let me down.[Side note: About the ex, I obviously care about him right? However, I would never leave my job and move to where he is. Honestly, I’m not willing to do long distance either because I know it will just end badly. Does that mean I don’t “love” my ex?] Thanks guys. Sorry for the small donation. I’ll donate more later.

  4. @Sally……There’s a caveat to what we said previously. Many guys might think they’re way into a woman, but sometimes they don’t know until they have sex with her. We know, not the greatest thing to hear. But up until that point it’s all just foreplay. The dinners, the introductions, the sweet sayings. Once a guy has sex with a woman—this could be a few times— his hormones drop and he starts to come back to reality. The woman is less a fantasy and more a reality. Then he has to ask himself the question: Do I see a long term relationship with this woman or was I just horny? This poses a problem for women because many men use this to their advantage. Those guys are players. The only way to differentiate between a good guy and a player is to trust your gut, ask your friends, and don’t proceed too quickly. But still, there are no guarantees. Relationships are a risk. You either play the game or be lonely. Sorry. We wish we could give you some formula, but alas, it doesn’t quite work that way. However, every guy you date, or are in a relationship with, will help inform you for the next time.

  5. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago and basically his explanation was that he had been having negative feelings about our relationship for the past couple of weeks and there just didn’t seem to be flow like his past relationships and he didn’t feel like he could be his complete self around me (we had officially dated for 7 months, but had been exclusive with each other for a little over a year) and that he realized we’d be going our separate ways after we finished school, so there did not seem to be a point in continuing the current relationship. However, just a few weeks before the break up he expressed how much he was really falling for me and how he realized how much he truly cared about me. This was a big deal because he did have commitment issues due to past relationships and at one point we had discussed how he was afraid that he was going to get so emotionally involved in our relationship. Well after our initial break up we didn’t talk for a week, he would try to initiate conversation with me, but I told him that we couldn’t just yet. I caved though and we talked a little bit, but nothing serious, just everyday stuff until a couple weeks after that we saw each other at a bar and talked for about 2 hours, which didn’t really lead anywhere, so we decided to talk the next day when we both had clearer minds. So, we talked and he basically admitted that it didn’t seem like I appreciated him in our relationship (which I definitely did, but I’m not a very emotional person, so it was always hard for me to express, where as it was very easy for him to do so for me), and we discussed some more things and a lot of it came down to a lot of misunderstanding that maybe could have been resolved and he even brought up how he wished I had talked to him sooner about everything because he had already moved on (I especially hadn’t talked to him though because I figured he had needed his space). So, after this we didn’t talk for about a month and then we ran into each other while out at a bar again and he approached me to talk about how my life was going and I asked him some about his and that was all, then the last week of school we happened to be at the same bar again and in the beginning of the night we just ignored each other and we have some common friends who noted the definite awkwardness that was there. As the night went on though he began to text me saying how he had noticed me there, which I knew he had noticed me there a long time before then, but I responded nicely to his text, but continued to talk with other people who were around me. Eventually he made his way to me in person and we sat down just the two of us and talked for a long while about our plans for the summer and how the semester was ending up. After a while I had some friends who wanted to talk with me, so I left to go and talk to them, and he talked with other people as well. At the end of the night we went back to campus separately with different groups of people, but shortly after he began texting me again asking what I was up to and I wasn’t doing anything and he said how that if I wasn’t doing anything that I should come over. While I know this was against my better judgement and drinking definitely had something to do with this I ended up going over to his place and we talked and hung out with a couple of people in his house until they left and then we ended up just talking for awhile the two of us and I ended up staying the night, to which he also said at one point that it doesn’t change anything. Thinking this was something that was just a fluke of both our better judgement I didn’t say anything to him after this. A couple days after that he texted me and asked if I was home and what I was up to and he shared what he was up to and we talked about random things for a little bit, but then he got to what I knew the conversation was really about, he asked what I had thought about that night. Not knowing how quite to respond I said that I thought it was definitely interesting, he said that he hadn’t expected it to happen, and I responded with “yeah, nope” to which he said nothing in response. However, ever since then he has been contacting me just to ask how I’m doing and to make random small talk every couple to few days.

  6. @Tori…..What is your question exactly? Are you wondering what he’s thinking? Or if he wants to get back together? Understand that this kind of relapse happens all of the time. The sexual kind. Don’t beat yourself up about it, but also don’t read too much into it. He’s horny. You miss him. The two of you feel comfortable together. And then, you sleep together. The fact that he prefaced it by saying it doesn’t change anything should tell you that he plans on moving on. So even if he suggests it again before the semester ends, he still is planning on moving on with his life. So you have to ask yourself if that’s how you want to finish the school year. And if you can handle it. If not, it’s probably best to try and move on yourself. Take care. Sorry we don’t have more positive feedback.

  7. I’am sooo confused so here goes. 2 yrs ago my 3 yr relationship with my daughters father ended. It ended because I was unfaithful emotionally, with more than one guy, it cut him deeply. Needless to say our relationship was very rocky. I was not working, I was on medications that complete altered my whole personality. I was a mean mother and girlfriend. He wanted desparately to move out of my parents and make a life for us. I was hesistant because one I was not working and two it was not 50/50. I love this man with every fiber of my being. He’s my world, my everything. During the course of our relationship I did kick him out, more than twice. I know it took a toll on him. I kicked him out because I felt neglected and not appreciated. In his defense, I was not doing anything to be appreciated for. No work, no caretaking of my daughter, and reaching out to other guys through text messaging to fulfill my loniless. I sent nude pictures and so forth, I NEVER PHYSICALLY CHEATED, EVER but nonetheless I broke trust. He swore to me the last time I kicked him out he was not coming back. Valentines Day came and I kicked him out for not acknowledging the day as I had with a card. I acted on impulse and said out of hurt and anger to leave. He left. As months went on he found a place asked me to move in but at the time my sister was very controlling with her car that she let me use. She threatened me that if I moved in I’d lose the car and I needed my car because I was finally working. Time went on we had sex a few times but one night changed his life forever. He was in a brutal bar fight for trying to help a lady that was getting beat. The fight was awful. Hes had to have numerous surgeries since and turned to alcohol. While he was out of work on leave for 6 months he got a DUI. I was not happy. It was his 2nd. During our time apart he has said time and time again that he cannot forgive me overnight and that I have to take it a day at a time. Since the bar fight hes been sexually involved with the woman he tried to help. I do not want to sound crazy but they do not share a history like him and I do. I believe they are turning to one another for comfort of some sort. Needless to say he does tell me to move on. Apart of me doesn’t want to. I’ve changed my life in the past 2 yrs. I’ve moved out, got a stable job, and got off the horrible meds. He tells me that he wishes that we couldve moved out 2 yrs ago and got off my meds. He still cares for me I know. We share a deep history. He wanted to marry me, proposed and everything but I know deep down in my heart had we tried 2 yrs ago before, we would have failed. He was the provider and in all honesty I was just a lazy lump on a log taking advantage of everyone around me. I really really wonder if its possible for him to forgive me for cheating and booting him out. He tells me that when he is ready he’ll persue me. He wants nothing serious because he is going through alot of personal things. Learning to trust and forgive. I believe I already have my answer and that is Im hanging onto a man that doesn’t want a relationship. But my question is do I believe him when he says that when he’s ready he’ll persue me? I cannot move on until he is ready to give us another chance outside my parents and in our own home. I know I was no angel. We both did things to contribute to our downfall but I have been there for him through his most difficult times and he still confides in me and in some way I honestly feel he does want to be with me but he does not trust himself to trust me again. I push him away too when I get emotionally and press him about being together. My question is. Will time tell our story and what is your advice for me? I love him deeply and I regret how I treated him but I made mistakes, mistakes that can be forgiven. Im very close to his family too they adore me and our daughter I had with this man. I need to know there is hope but I guess its all on his terms.

  8. @Regina…..Yes, your last sentence rings true. The ball is in his court right now. You’re going to just have to wait and see as hard as that may be. He’s dating someone else right now for whatever reason. You need to accept that. Maybe you should do the same. The only way the two of you are going to come back together is if he decides he wants to try again. Right now the thought of that is exhausting to him and he still is reeling from your cheating. Don’t press him. Try to be a good mother to your child and a friend to him. Even if this is painful to you. You need to regain his trust, but not by words, by actions. And this has to happen over time, not in a week, or a month. It could take years. Good luck and hang in there. We’re glad you’ve turned your life around. Keep moving forward.

  9. totally confused // June 7, 2013 at 8:57 pm //

    Hi, my ex broke up with me a year ago. We dated for almost 4 years and lived together for 2. We broke up because he said he thought if we got married it would end in divorce. Everything I did bother and irritated him. I gave him his space. He started dating another girl about 3 months after our break up. I moved to another state. Hadn’t heard from him in a while except to check up on me. Then he started calling and texting when he ended things with the new girl. I kept conversation short and minimal. I was still very much in love. We were friends before we dated and he was my bestfriend. Although he’s never admitted it – 2 of my friends saw him cheating on me. I still love him. He recently joined the military and I told him I’d like to attend his graduation. Which I did. He introduced me to his military buddies as his “lady.” At dinner with his family, he referred to me as “his bestfriend”. There were some awkward moments between us. His whole family was there and kept insisting that him and I get back together. Before the end of it all we snuck off and were intimate. I don’t know what to do. I want to know what he is thinking? Should I just ask him…would that make it worse or push him away? Is it even worth it? What do you think he was thinking? I wanted to tell him I love him, but I didn’t. I can’t imagine my life without him or him with anyone else. When we broke up he said maybe one day we can get together again…he said he wanted to stay friends but I don’t know if I can or should do it. Btw, the fact that we were intimate plays only a small role in my feelings. I felt this way before it happened and we’ve done this a few times since we ended things. Is he stringing me along?

  10. Hi guys, after the new boyfriend (2-3) months started to go hot , cold and MIA I managed to get it out of him that he’s just not feeling it. So of course we broke up, I was gutted. I would never want to be with someone that’s not fully into me but I thought we had magic (I was delusional). Since the break up people, even his friends have been telling me about his antics whilst we were seeing each other. So I did a little bit of snooping and have found he has at least 3 online dating accounts which he has been actively using, even posting sexy pictures of himself on there while we were out on a date. My question is, is it wrong to set him up on a blind date with myself so I can have the last laugh? We are friendly at the moment and he has no idea I know anything about his dodgy online life. I wouldn’t want him to be to angry but I would love to teach him a lesson for leading women on and being dishonest. I want him to feel like a mug, just as I did after being played.

  11. @Totally Confused…..We’re sorry. At this point the ball is in his court. There’s not much you can do. But honestly, he knows how you feel and is not trying to get back together. Sure, he may contact you because it’s easy and he’s lonely or horny. But we don’t get the sense he’ll be back in any sort of serious way. Just our take. You might need to start thinking about moving on. FYI: Right now you’re in an emotional holding pattern. It’s pretty normal. When a person feels this way it’s hard for them to picture life without the other person. Let yourself grieve, but then you need to pick yourself up and try to move on. Remind yourself that you deserve someone that loves and respects you the way you love and respect them.

  12. i was in a six year relationship, long distance and well i met another guy who swept me off my feet it was like a dream…but the relationship was never defined i thought or assumed it was a fling and he never said different, he told me he loved me and gave me a key to his place as time went on, i met some of his friends and we saw eaach other nearly everyday for 6months, he even made me follow him to work spmetimes but he didnt ever give me money or buy me stuff as often as you would expect in a serious relationship so i wasnt really sure where we stood, eventually i thoght he was serious so i told him i had broken up with my bf cos he was giving hints that he was uncomfortable with it he even threatened to break up with me saying he wouldnt be my side guy or second fiddle hat i was hurting him…so i lied that i had brkn up with my bf but i hadt i planned to tho i just wanted to be sure how serious he wasa with me i know its wrong tho.,the weeekend i planned to travel and officialyl end things with my bf a friend of my first bf found out about this new guy and also told the new guy that i was still with my bf, he got upset with me and broke up with me also saying that he knew i was still with my bf two weeks before even tho i was lying but that he had given me the key to his place and became more serious in the hopes that i would have a consiene and end my former relationship and all, i begged him and even after i apologized to my old bf for cheating and he forgave me and wanted me back i didnt go back to him and i came back to beg the new guy, after a lot of pleading we got back together but it was horrible, he was disrespectful to me and he wasnt as nice as he used to be it was like i was jumping through hoops trying to please him after about 3 weeks of this i asked him if he wanted to broke up and he said yes that we should be friends that i had changed and that he hasnt forgiven me for what i did, and that he’s loosing his feelings for me because i was trying to hard to please him and i was dishonest, i begged him to meet up later that day amnd he came and i acted like i didnt care about the break up and he started acting like he wasnt sure….he begged me to kiss him and i refused eventually i succumbed and then eventually ended up going home with him this was after a lot of convincing cos he refused saying he wldnt be able to stick with his decision with me around and he waskinda of upset cos the lenghty discussion had caused him to miss his dinner, meanwhile my ex was still callin my fone beggin me to come back, when we got to his place he was still upset abt the dinner so i answered my ex call begging him to stop calling me, i was on the fone for a while tho,eventually when i got off he refused to talk to me and kinda yelled at me when i tried so i let him be he eventually apologised and asked if he could kiss me and hold me i refused but later let him and we had sex in th emornin it was awkward i asked and he said we were still broken up….and then he said i was callous that i was still talking to my ex and all and that i lied and i cried explainin the call but he ddint care, he dropped me off saying he would call to finish the talk cos he was late for work…he didnt call,,for a week i called and tried to be friends but he rebuffed me…i then let him be after another 3 weeks he called and i didnt take his calls thru out that week he called i ignored he had to hide his caller id and call before i spoke to him and then after talking he said he missed me and needed to see me i refused and continued to ignoe his calls till he asked his friend to call me, he called saying i was tormenting his friend i should pls see him i told them i had traveled and he said he was willing to drive down to see me but i refused, he dddnt cal again till 2days later and i ddnt take his call…i dnt know what to do now?i still care for him but i dontwant to get hurt again

  13. @Dawn….This is a lot of drama. Our suggestion: One guy at a time.

  14. Stefanie // June 23, 2013 at 4:00 pm //


    My ex and I broke up in december, why he broke up with me I still really don’t know because he always avoided the conversation.. The thing his he never seemed to care much to make time for me, he always made a big deal out of it than, started a fight, started sending rude texts to me when all I was trying to do was be nice to him…

    Now when I see him on events in the neighbourhood, he is always nice to me, his friends like me and I hang out with them, than he starts asking attention again, laughing, cuddling, and a few times he drove me home safe. We than stopped and sat together for a while, talked a little bit about how are lives are going, and than he kissed me, held my hand, this happened a few times.

    We talked a bit, and I told him it was still weird for me to see him, that I still felt something for him. He said that he felt something to at the moment, but that he didn’t think about me constantly. He said he just wanted to hang out casually sometimes, but that he always felt weird the day after we kissed. But when it comes to it, we never make arrangements to hang out, he’s always busy(as an excuse I guess). I can see in his attitude when he is with me that he still likes me, but sometimes when I don’t hear from him a while I get all confused.. A while ago I gave up, I just avoided him for a month and when I saw him yesterday, he first ignored me to and acted all strange, but after a few beers he came dancing with me, and before I knew it he grabbed my face and put his lips on mine. I was really shocked, because I didn’t think anything like this would happen again.. I’m really confused about how he acts around me, is there still something going or is he just playing with me?

  15. @Stefanie……He’s playing with you. But not intentionally. It’s likely his hormones are raging when he sees you and so he wants to touch you and kiss you. But he’s not interested in a relationship with you. In fact, he’s likely exhibiting this behavior with other women as well. Basically, he’s horny and wants to do whatever he wants, when he wants. It’s where he’s at right now. Bottom line: The two of you are not on the same page. We say, it’s time to move on.

  16. very confused girl // July 2, 2013 at 5:46 pm //

    I dated a guy if long distance for two years. He broke up with me. Now after 1 year and a half he contacts and has constantly been talking to me. He finally confess that he misses me. But then I ask him what he wants and he says he wants to be friends and see how that works. I am confused as to what route he’s taking. Does he want to eventually get back together or what. Because the hard thing is that we both loved each other and I am confused as to what he wants.

  17. My ex we broke up five weeks ago but he still has been poping up since then we have a child togeather also but i broke up with him but he still wants to have sex still stays over some nights. He still takes me to places i need to go but he says were not togeather so if he decides to have sex with someone he will let me know but for now hes not having sex with any body . What do he think hes doing

  18. Cassie Miller // July 5, 2013 at 8:27 am //

    About 5 months ago I took a break with my boyfriend because I was going through a very stressful time in my life and I need time to figure out myself. About a month later; however, I wanted him back so we began hanging out again. During that time though my boyfriend had some traumatic things happen to his family and he told me he needed a break because he became depressed. He said he didn’t want to hurt me and that he needed time to figure out his stress before he could commit to me the way he wanted to. We work together though, so our contact was frequent. Lately, he has been very flirty with me though and it has made me confused. I still like him a lot and want him back but I don’t know where his head is. He gets jealous sometimes when he sees me talk to guys, touches me gently like a boyfriend would, and finds random things to talk to me about all the time so I stay by him. Also, he will randomly reference things that we had done together in the past. Many of my co-workers (who don’t even know we ever dated because we kept it a secret) have even made comments to me that me and him should date because we are so flirty and that it seems like he really likes me. A couple weeks ago I asked him if he would meet me whenever he had time to talk because I had things on my mind I wanted to tell him. He said he definitely would do that and that he would let me know what day works for him; however, he has yet to pick a day. He is extremely busy with school and work and on top of that he has had commitments almost every weekend. At the same time though I believe that if he truly wanted me back he would make the effort to see me so we could talk. Do you think this is a situation that I should give up on or should I wait for him to tell me that he wants to talk? It has been a long time that I have waited for him but I care about him a lot still and its been hard to give up.

  19. I have a very confusing situation happening right now and I was wondering if you guys could help me out. Before my ex and I began dating we were really good friends for 4 years. We also work together. We had a very good relationship, until some things happened to both of us that were out of our control. Anyway, I got really stressed and depressed and because of that I told him that I needed a break so I could focus on getting myself better. After about a month though, I realized that I had made a mistake and we were in the process of hanging out again. Then, out of the blue his family had some traumatic events happen to them and as a result my ex became extremely depressed and stressed. He told me that he wanted time to himself so that he could get himself better before he could give me what I deserved. We have continued talking since then at work and have been friends. Especially recently; however, I have noticed that he has become extremely flirty with me teasing and everything and seems like he hasn’t lost feelings for me. We kept our relationship a secret at work; however, now multiple co workers come to me and tell me we should date because we are so flirty and tell me that his body language is obvious that he likes me. He will gently touch me and constantly finds random things to talk about just so I stay by him. Also, he is constantly asking me what I am doing over the weekends and will tell me exactly what he does every day. He also will get jealous when I talk to other guys that he does not know and I can tell because he will move closer to me or listen in on our conversation and stand straighter. Whenever we are in a conversation with multiple people he focuses on me the entire time and whenever he talks to me he stares into my eyes. The problem though, is that a couple weeks ago I texted him telling him that if he was willing I wanted to talk to him about some things I have been thinking about. He responded right away and said he wanted to but that he would tell me when a day works for him. Since then, we have not established a day. He is extremely busy with school and work during the week and then has been out of town or studying during the weekends, which I definitely believe. At the same time though, I feel like if he cared to get back with me he would find a way to make time. I really care about him and think that he cares about me too but I am confused because he is not making an effort to hang out with me again. What should I do. It has been 5 months since we broke up and I feel pathetic that I haven’t gotten over him by now.

  20. @Cassie…….Time to move on. We’re sorry.

  21. im know him a long time 7 years i moved back to live with his my mom also with my mom his friends said when i was gone he told them thta my gf is moving back we dsted for a half of a month but the reason he broke up eith me is bc he didnt like me thats wats his friends said but if somebody that didnt like u would he have is bff do the break up idk help me now i miss him like crazy i want to die bc i still like him but i cant tell him bc im afaird of his answer being no i think just maybe he”s the one can you help me

  22. @Sabrina…..We’re not sure how we can help you. We’re sorry. He’s got to want you back. If he doesn’t, there’s not much we can do. Hang in there.

  23. My ex and I broke up exactly a year ago (like, to the day). We only had a three month relationship before we broke up, but he was the first person I fell completely head over heels for. We broke up because he said he couldn’t see us going on forever because he would be moving to a foreign country in August a year later (which would be this coming August), and he didn’t want to have just a fling with me if it wasn’t going to go anywhere. He said he couldn’t do the long distance thing with me, but that he still really liked me.
    After the break up, we had contact with each other over text and sometimes in person every single week until mid-October, but then he stopped all contact and got a girlfriend. He told me once this past April in a brief conversation that his girlfriend about me and that he has told his girlfriend all about “us” (although I don’t know what), and then he apologized for hurting me. He also said there’s a chance things could work with her because her hometown is only two hours away from the city he is moving to, and she has expressed interest in moving back there at the end of this year.
    Currently, he has not moved to the foreign country yet, though he and his girlfriend are living in different cities right now.
    I messaged him for the first time in a while just several weeks ago because he had surgery and I sent him a simple message wishing him well. I was surprised when he responded and began asking about my summer and how things are. It has been three weeks now, and we have been messaging each other one, fairly long (and occasionally REALLY long), message to each other daily. We talk sometimes about what we’re up to, and we’ve spent some time talking about our break up and we’ve both asked each other questions about why we both said and did things we said and did, and we worked it out and we both accept everything that happened a year ago.

    Just after our break up, all of our conversations were very forced and awkward, until we had no contact for a while. But now the conversations are so much easier, and we talk like we used to, and we are very real with each other and how we feel, even if it means expressing some momentary irritation at the other. (However, neither of us flirts with the other).
    Even though it’s been a year, I am still in love with him. I told him over message about a week ago that I still had feelings for him and that maybe it would be best for both of us if I didn’t message him, since he has a girlfriend. But he said he really wanted to talk to me, and has kept the conversation going since.
    What do I do? What are his intentions? I don’t even know how he sees me anymore….as a friend, or more, or nothing (maybe he’s messaging out of pity?? I’m so confused ). Why does he keep up the conversation? Is he truly over me for good, and is able to talk to me normally again without any feelings and still have a long distance relationship with his girlfriend? Is there ever going to be a change for an us again, and if there isn’t, what do I do? Please help! Thank you so much!!

  24. @Olivia…..Your breakup is no longer fresh and new so he only remembers the good stuff. It’s hard to say his intentions but we feel badly for his girlfriend. What’s he doing chatting with you and being with her? Our advice: We don’t see this turning into a long-term relationship. Sure, he might come back for some fun, but it will probably just turn out to confuse you more. And honestly, he sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

  25. Jaimie, confused Ex-Girlfriend // August 2, 2013 at 12:09 am //

    My ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 years ago. He broke up with me because he said I had changed but couldn’t understand why. The reasoning behind why I changed was because I found out he had texted his ex-girlfriend for a month some inappropriate things you don’t say to a person you aren’t dating. Nothing physical ever happen, between them and it was over for a while by the time I found out. I choose to keep what I knew to myself the last 3 months of our relationship because we were going to Europe with his family and I thought I could just forget about it because their was no contact between them. By the end of our relationship I couldn’t stomach him, everytime I saw him on his cell phone I thought he was talking to her, and their was no trust on my end anymore. I became bitter and mean towards him and he couldn’t understand why. So the night he broke up with me, he cried and expressed that I had changed but he couldn’t understand why. I was stupid cause that night I just told him we would take a 2 week break and we would sit down and talk to resolve all of the issues. 2 weeks later he expressed through texting that he just wanted to be friends, I was angry because I wanted to sit down and talk about everything before we’d make any decisions. about a week and a half later his sister-in-law’s mother passed away from lung cancer, being I was very close to his family especially his nephews and niece, I attended the wake and funeral which was the first we had seen each other since our break up. He stood by me and we walked side by side, he even gave me the rose he had and took my carnation because he knew I loved roses. He thanked me for attending and appreciated the flowers I sent, and I was hurt by his want for just friendship so I just said I didn’t do any of it for him but for his nephews and sister-in-law and his brother. And then I finally asked him to get coffee with me so we could talk, so two days after we went out to talk. It was awkward at first but once I started talking about everything I knew and why I changed, I saw his 5’10 stature fell to 2 inches. I had never seen him break down other then the night we broke up, but this night he really cried. He apologized over and over saying he never meant to hurt me, that she meant nothing, that he knew how great he had it, and he finally admitted that he messed up. We left that night with the air cleared but still uncertain where our relationship would go. A week later I spoke to his sister and she had said he told her, he really messed up this time. For the next month we spoke not so often but by Christmas we agreed to try a Friend’s With Benefits relationship, but we were like friends who hung out and talked on a very regular basis and happen to have a physical relationship. This lasted us close to Valentines Days when I wrote out all my feelings for him, I basically at the end told him its either we get back together or we go our separate ways in life and cut off all contact. And he said “I’m not saying we won’t ever get back together but right now I’m just not ready”. We went our separate ways for about 4 weeks, when I suffered a tragedy and he reached out to me. We started talking once again on a regular basis and within 2 weeks started hanging out also and even spent Easter morning together. Now his friends and I didn’t end on good terms, but he still asked me when it was 4 weeks into us talking again to attend his best friends grandfathers wake with him. That night his friends completely alienated him because I was there. It hurt me to see that since I believed that his friends didn’t need to like me but they needed to respect him. About a week after that night he expressed that we were just friends, once again he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We once again went our separate ways because I didn’t believe we could be friends, this lasted about 2.5 weeks until he broke his ankle at a soccer game. We started talking again and I was once again there for him, things lasted 2 weeks cause I just couldn’t be around him. This silence lasted us 3 weeks until he saw photos on Facebook of me out on my uncles boat and he broke the silence and of course I gave in. We talked for a week and I really told him at this point how I felt. I told him to forget about me, I was tired of his games, to lose my number to forget about us, I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He expressed that he was sorry, that he didn’t want to end things this way but if this is what I wanted he couldn’t stop me. So our silence last about 18 days, when he commented on a Facebook post I had. And this time I told myself if I was going to start talking to him that I had to give this friendship a shot, and stop forcing the whole relationship thing. So we started talking very regularly again and seeing each other about twice a week. We became physical again, and when hurricane sandy happen he came by a couple of times and we were there for each other. And even though I was trying to see other people, he was always in my heart. He’s my best friend, we’re always there for each other through everything. But in November a couple of weeks after Hurricane Sandy, he lied to me about where he was. When I caught him in his lie I asked why he lied because that was one of the conditions for us being friends to always be honest with each other, he said he didn’t want to disappoint me because instead of doing homework he was at his friends house. He confided in me about many things, and since he was never one to express his feelings I felt we had really grown since our break up. He gave me a Fossil watch as a gift for Christmas being I had helped him with some stuff for school. But I always felt in the back of my mind that he didn’t appreciate me always being there for him, that he knew no matter what he could do whatever he wanted and would know I’d be there always. For the next couple of months I went on dates but nothing matched my feelings for him, I talked to him about my dates and he laughed and always said why rush anything. So in mid-April I finally decided to just cut him off completely with no explanation and no contact. During the two weeks we didn’t speak, I received 16 text messages from him and facebook comments, likes on photos, and posts (something he hadn’t done since we were together). He begged to know what was wrong, why I wasn’t speaking to him. Two weeks later I finally contacted him, I never really told him why I was ignoring, just that I was busy. We walked right back into our normal routine, seeing each other twice a week and talking almost everyday. In June I was honored for my community service during Hurricane Sandy, he attended my award ceremony and had asked his parents, sister, and his niece and nephews to attend. Unfortunately he was the only one to attend because the night before his older brother was in an accident. At the end of the ceremony he was upset that he didn’t get to see my parents and sister to say hello because we left so abruptly, but that next time he definitely wouldn’t miss the opportunity. That week I offered to babysit his niece and nephew while his parents and sister could visit and be with his brother in the hospital. His parents always liked me and even offered for me to stay for dinner but I politely declined being I thought it would awkward for the four of us to have dinner, something we hadn’t done in almost 2 years. My ex had said he would’ve been fine with me staying over for dinner. After that day his nephews asked his sister-in-law if I was their aunt, and when their uncle and I would get married. She always just said that no matter what I’d always be a part of their family and life. During the next few weeks I’ve felt like he was putting me on the back burner, that I was his last option, because he knows I’ll always be there when he needed. We then at one point had a very funny conversation about why he still cares or worries about me. Friends don’t sit around concerned about how much sleep you get, or not stressing yourself out over work, or going to the doctors. And I said I ultimately cared and worried about him always whether we were friends or not. When we didn’t speak I thought and worried about him, and then he asked if I thought he didn’t do the same for me. I answered by saying that I didn’t like to assume he did, he replied by saying that he of course did especially when we didn’t speak that’s when he cared and worried most. During this summer we see each other every Tuesday night and have and will be attending country concerts together. We have a great time, and when we’re home we are affectionate and hold hands and always kiss good night. But I know for the last few weeks he has been preoccupied with issues with his house, his brothers recovery, and being with his friends (who now I’m slowing starting to get a long with since I see them Tuesday nights and at concerts). And I think I’m becoming a little too needy and I want to cut that cycle off, I have also in the last few days been going through a lot of problems with friends and family and I took out my anger on him because I was upset he was going to hang out with his friends instead of me. And I’ll admit I have gotten jealous of him doing that and he’s known when I’ve been upset about it. I vented to him what I have been going through and he gave me advice but I still felt so stupid for treating him so poorly because that’s what I did to him when we broke up. This upcoming week his cousins from Massachusetts will be visiting and we will all be attending a concert together with his friends. I sometimes feel like he does take me for granted because he knows I’ll always be there. And currently neither one of us is seeing anyone and just having fun. I don’t want to lose him and he doesn’t want to lose me but we are getting older he’ll be 31 and I’ll be 25, and we never thought 2 years that we would still be in the place. We had expected this to go on for a couple of months and that’s all. Both of our family adore us together, they love seeing us together with his niece and nephews and we both make each other happy 90% of the time. I feel like we already have the relationship minus the title and commitment. So what should I do to get him on the road to think commitment. We’ve been through everything life has thrown at us, and I like to think we’ve come out on the other side. We’ve grown as individuals. So i’d like to hear what you all have to say about our situation and what I should do.

  26. @Jaimie……Thank you for your donation. We do appreciate it. We can see the two of you feel very connected even though you’re not officially a couple. And it’s clear that you both still have feelings for one another. But the fact that he hasn’t been trying to reconcile the relationship and be with you again is pretty telling. He gets emotional support and sex—at least he did—from you, but he still is free to come and go as he pleases. He’s free to date whomever he wants, or at least he’s free, if the opportunity arises. And that’s where we think his head’s at. He absolutely cares about you and doesn’t want you OUT of his life, but he’s very conflicted about whether or not he wants you in his life 100%. And he’s definitely checking out his options—other women—and seeing how he feels with them. We’re sorry, but that’s how we see this. Suggestions: 1. Stop the Friends with Benefits immediately. That’s not going to lead you to the outcome you desire. If he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you he doesn’t get to have any of the fun stuff that goes along with that. 2. Tell him what you want. Be clear about it. 3. Ask him what he wants. Ask him to be honest. 4. Be prepared to walk if he says anything other than “I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” …….Jaimie, when a guy says “I need more time” or “I’m just not sure” or “right now I’m not ready, but I could be down the road” those are all just a way to keep the woman in an emotional holding pattern. It keeps the woman locked up so the guy can do what he pleases until she finally says enough is enough. That time has come. He’s had how many years to figure this out? Trust us, long enough to know. And you haven’t gotten back together after two years it’s very unlikely you will. All that’s happening is he’s keeping you from moving forward. Or you’re doing it to yourself. So have the conversation. There are no guarantees that it will work out, but at least you’ll know and finally be able to make some decisions in your life. And remember: Even when you were together he wasn’t completely faithful. To us it sounds like he was already unsure how he felt about you then. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been flirting or more with his ex. Something you should consider. Take care and good luck. Feel free to ask us any follow up questions.

  27. Hey im tee, my boyfriend ad i recently broke up over something stupid we got into an agruement it escalated into some huge we both were at each others throats and i said something i fidnt mean i told him i was done with everything (i said this out of anger) i didnt know we offically broke up until he deleted me out of his instgram bio. I cried my heart out and was really hurt the next day i texted him and told him i was sorry i didnt mean what i said he replied the next day and said he was its whatever i just want us to be friends for now . Since then i let my emotioms get the best of me i was crying out to everyone . He says i never had any trust in him , i knew we were gonna break up , ect .. i asked him why did he say he was different , we would always be together we literally planned our future together. Another thing tgere has been times where people would try to break us up i believe we were madly in love with each other although we are young. We did agrue over crazy stuff but everytime he did wrong i always forgave him i never quit on him . Ive caught him several times flirting with other girls and i forgave him for it. I messed up one time by saying something i didnt mean and he asks to be friends with me ive told him several times i cant be friends with someone im still inlove with its just not going to work. I was asking pleding for days and it ddnt work he still keeps in cmtact with my older sister and he recently tole her that he still loves me. He also tokd me he needs to get his mind right and he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now he told me i was still his “baby” but he just doesnt want a relationship i dont get it how can get his mind straight and he talks to me every day . He also has been wanting me to send pictures to me . We exchanged pictures since then. And ive done some changes witg my visual snd hes been asking for some pics. I havnt sent them. Im still hurting over the relationship and its been a fee weeks we dated for over a year . We didnt talk for a couple days after the break up then he texted me and ask was i never gonna text him again. He told my older sister that he wasnt really hurt over the breakup he also thought i was acting bold but not texting him all day & he told my sister that its not going to be funny whennhe dont text my ass my sister told me evrything i was at the hospital with my grandmother at that time se had an heart attack i feel like he is just stringing my along because he knows i want to be with him and he knows im emotional about him . I need help what should i do.

  28. I feel like he shouldnt sa stuff like that to my sister knowing that she is gonna tell me eventually. I met his parents he met mines our families.i thought my relationship was gonna end because he was going to a different school he knows ive been hurt before in a previous relationship and he swore up and down that he was diffenerent and i believed him. He also told my siter that if he wants to be in a relatiinship he can be in one with no problem. Then he aksed me were we on a break. Im confused help me

  29. He said he wants to come to my house and come to my games

  30. Hi Guys,
    I dated and fell in love with a guy five years ago. Things got pretty serious. “I love you”s were exchanged, we spent time with each other’s families (I’m the only girl he ever took to family stuff except his ex-wife). We had a great relationship until he suddenly seemed to freak out, and we broke up.

    For the last five years, he has been trying to get ahold of me off and on, told his sister-in-law (she’s the one who got us together in the first place) that he was ready to marry me and be a dad to my children (I had another child a year or so after our relationship ended), told another mutual friend that he messed up. I basically ignored him, or responded with minimal texting when he texted. Finally, for some reason, I recently decided to accept the friend request he sent on social media two or more years ago. As soon as I did, he messaged me and we started talking. I realized that I do still have feelings for him, even though I didn’t realize it.

    He told me that I’m one of the best women he’s ever dated, and asked if I’d ever consider moving to where he lives and works now, which is out of state. He texted all day every day for a while, but that slowed down since he works 80-90 hours each week. I went to see him and spent the weekend with him the weekend before last, and when I left he said he’d come to see me as soon as he can, and that he still wants to do this. I asked what “this” is, and he said, “We’re just starting over.”

    Since then, he has been extremely busy with working, having to travel to a job 14 hours away, so texts have been fewer. When I spoke with him yesterday, he sounded absolutely exhausted. I kept the conversation short, and he volunteered to call or text back that evening if he didn’t fall asleep. I didn’t hear back, so I think he did fall asleep, and I know he also had to pack to go back out of town for work today.

    I wonder if it sounds to you like he’s really into it? And if so, should I wait and make him contact me next? I have strong feelings for him, and I want him to fall in love in with me. I would appreciate any insight and/or advice you can give. Thank you!

  31. @CLB……FIrst of all, thanks for your donation. We do appreciate it. To us, it sounds like he’s more into the IDEA of love rather than love itself. Meaning, he pined away for you forever, but that was all fantasy. When things started becoming more real, he went back to his usual self. Remember, he was the one that wanted to give it another try, and now he’s making excuses that he’s working a ton. And now he wants you to move to where he is? Uproot your life to be with him? Seriously!!?? Our suggestion: Slow down. Let him do ALL of the initiating from now on, for quite a while. He needs to show you he’s serious and that’s he’s changed for real. Everything that’s gone on so far with your reunion says that he’s not as into it as he initially thought he was. We’re not saying there’s no hope, but this needs to look a lot different than it does now. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t give as much as you, emotionally we mean. Keep us posted and good luck. ps. He should be visiting you, not the other way around. We’re sorry but work is not an excuse. You need to see that he’s truly prioritizing this relationship. Otherwise you’re going to be frustrated and unhappy and it’s going to turn into a booty call situation for him. We know that’s not what you want.

  32. @All the Women out There…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

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